Pop Trash Addicts

Miley Cyrus Schools Bob Dylan

2012-01-25T00:25:00.006+11:00

Is there no limit to Miley's brilliance? Not content with radically improving Nirvana's "Smells Like Teen Spirit" and bringing Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" to a whole new audience of drug-fucked teens, the iconic diva has just dropped a breathtaking cover of Bob Dylan's "You're Gonna Make Me Lonesome When You Go" for a forthcoming Amnesty International charity album. I thought Ke$ha's contribution to that opus would be impossible to beat but Milegend's Dylan cover is even better. She lets her inner-country singer take over and delivers an earthy, stripped-back rendition that highlights the 19-year-old's smoky pipes (I'm not talking about her bong collection!) and the subtle poetry of the song's lyrics. Seriously, Miley needs to move to Nashville and record a bluegrass album. It would make all our faves redundant. Watch in awe below as two creative titans collide!

Pic via Idolator.

Ilia Darlin Returns With "Hit Me"

2012-01-24T01:33:00.003+11:00

Ilia Darlin appeared on my radar early last year with her quirky debut single "Car Crash". That demented anthem was hard to ignore. The Greek Gaga (as she was erroneously described in press releases) delivered a heavily-accented gem about having the last laugh - complete with a butcher shop-themed video and a rather fetching neon string bikini. Needless to say, she became an instant favourite of mine and I had my fingers crossed that the song would take off. It didn't.

Happily, Ilia is back with a slightly watered-down image, better pronunciation and a more commercial pop sound. Her label is even promoting the new track as her debut - dismissing "Car Crash" as a buzz single. Uh huh. The good news is that the song is a triumph. Produced by Billy Mann (Pink, Kelly Rowland and Robyn), "Hit Me" is a crisp dance anthem with a huge chorus that is equal parts Eurovision and underground electro. The video is also pretty cute with Ilia apparently running away from home to sing in empty nightclubs while writhing around on stage like a stripper. She looks gorgeous and it's oddly perfect for the song. Make no mistake, Ms Darlin is definitely one to watch in 2012.

"Hit Me" is released digitally on January 30.

In Bed With Luciana

2012-01-23T00:31:00.003+11:00

Here's a video interview I did with Luciana while she was in Australia to promote her recent top 50 hit "I'm Still Hot". That single has subsequently gone Gold and is still climbing the national airplay chart. I hear the much-loved dance diva is gearing up to release another single shortly, so stay tuned for more news. As for our intimate interview - it was definitely the most fun I've had in bed with a lady for a long time! Luci talks about her love affair with Australia, her longevity in the industry and songwriting duties for the likes of Cheryl Cole, T-Pain, PCD and Nicki Minaj. Kylie fans will be particularly interested in her comments about her involvement with the pop icon's upcoming 12th album. Enjoy!

Bai Ling & The First Great Pop Song Of 2012

2012-01-22T21:10:00.001+11:00

Acting legend Bai Ling has taken another step towards pop immortality by releasing her second consecutive era-defining club anthem. The star of classic films like The Crow and Crank: High Voltage stunned the world last year when her debut single "Rehab" killed the game with its brilliant lyrics about dancing with sober friends and Chinese chanting. I was lucky enough to interview the exquisite diva about her budding music career - it should be ready to print in the next couple of days - and she confided that the song was written and recorded in five hours. An amazing feat given that Bai admitted she needs help turning on her computer.

I'm not sure how long the eternally youthful 45-year-old spent on "U Touch Me I Don't U" but from the sound of it, I'm guessing every bit as long as her debut. If not a couple of minutes longer. This breathtaking gem finds the new Queen of C-pop philosophising on love in the digital age. The multi-talented renaissance woman writes "[the] statement I made in this song both in lyrics and music is what the contemporary modern music world need to hear, this is what the new young generation need to hear...Because my song paint a moving painting of the lives of our world today!!!"

And with cutting-edge lyrics about texting and Facebook, it's hard to disagree. I love the rawness of "U Touch Me I Don't Know U". From the bongo drums to the amazing homemade video (below) and artwork created with Microsoft Paint (above), this is the musical equivalent of gonzo porn. It's a gritty, in-your-face experience that makes you feel more like a participant than an observer. I'll let Bai have the last word(s): "Read and watch, yes I am challenge U to open your heart to be brave as you have ever been!!! This song is so simple like the fresh air wind and fire...So fresh yet So powerful..."

"U Touch Me I Don't Know U" is now available to download from iTunes internationally.

Elen Levon In China

2012-01-19T18:42:00.003+11:00

Here are some pics of Elen Levon performing at the Gala World Music Festival in Beijing, which was broadcast to an audience of over one billion people. The 17-year-old sang two songs at the event - her next single "Like A Girl In Love" and another new track called "Sun Burns Out". In Chinese! I've heard the Mandarin version and it's really good. As soon as I get permission to share it, I'll post pop music's greatest linguistic triumph since this legendary musical moment. In other Elen news, she's currently filming the video for "Like A Girl In Love" in Cambodia. Her James Ash-penned second single is set to drop early next month - complete with slick production overhaul courtesy of Denzal Park. I love it and can't wait to see how it does on the charts. Stay tuned!

Soraya Kickstarts 2012 With "Feeling You"

2012-01-19T17:10:00.005+11:00

A year has passed since Soraya last blessed our ears with new music but the Spanish pop icon/world's leading James Brown impersonator has broken the drought by releasing a hot new dance anthem. "Feeling You" is yet another stunning collaboration with French DJ Antoine Clamaran. You might remember that they joined forces on the worldwide smash "Live Your Dreams" and the #193 Russian airplay hit "Stick Shift".

If either of those jams pushed your buttons, then you will love their latest concoction. "Feeling You" - already #3 on the Spanish iTunes dance chart - is an upbeat floorfiller with splashes of '90s house and even some Balearic beats thrown in for good measure. Most importantly, it showcases the Eurovision legend's exquisite vocals. When is an Australian label going to pick up this amazing diva? She's clearly the next Madonna!

However, I have two questions:

1) Why is Antoine always calling up Soraya to improve his tunes? I hope he's not trying to steal my woman!

2) Who is the old man on the right? Sorry, Vince M. You're the weakest link.

The 100 Best Singles Of 2011

2012-01-11T02:34:00.002+11:00

2011 was a banner year for great singles. A number of the usual suspects dropped huge songs this year (Ke$ha, Katy Perry and Beyoncé) but most of my faves were slightly more random. There's a stunning anthem from Norwegian reality star on my list as well as a classical dance remix from Belgium and a couple of viral songs that escaped the YouTube ghetto and went mainstream. I'm really surprised by how many singles from Australian artists made the countdown, so I guess the local industry was having a particularly good year. Anyway, here goes. Let me know if I forgot anything in the comments!

100. Blame It On The Boogie - Jermaine Jackson (Preview)

US

Now that La Toya has officially snatched Janet's wig as the most famous living Jackson, the rest of the clan is starting to come out of the woodwork for a piece of the action. The award for the most desperate attempt at cashing in on the family name goes to Jermaine. He recorded an amazingly tragic dance remix of "Blame In On The Boogie" in 2011, which mercifully was only released in France. So bad it's fantastic!

99. Gutter - Medina (Video)

Denmark

Another brilliant hit of morbid electro-pop from Scandinavia's gloomiest diva.

98. Won't Get Lost - The Aston Shuffle (Video)

Australia

The Aston Shuffle boys are the unsung heroes of Australian electro-pop. While Cut Copy and Bag Raiders get all the attention, these guys continue to release great music with little fanfare. "Won't Get Lost" is a moody gem that probably would have done better if the video made sense. So the kid flees a country town to become an ironman but ends up vomiting all over the floor of a Sydney nightclub? I don't get it.

97. Famous In Paris - Kim Gloss (Video)

Germany

Poor Kim. I don't think she'll achieve her dream of being famous in Paris - or anywhere else for that matter - but her debut single has earned a special place in my heart with its heavily autotuned chorus and unintentionally hilarious lyrics.

96. Just A Kiss - Lady Antebellum (Video)

US

More melodic country-pop from the biggest band in America.

95. LoveLife - Kate Ryan (Video)

Belgium

I've been really mean to Kate in the past. Calling her a hack and ridiculing her stage-age but Twitter brought us closer together and I now appreciate the Belgian beauty's musical genius. "LoveLife" is big, bright and bubbly Europop that gets lodged in your brain and refuses to budge. I can't wait for the album!

94. ET - Katy Perry feat. Kanye West (Video)

US

Regardless of how you feel about Katy and the way she achieved those five number one singles from "Teenage Dream", it's hard to deny that the songs were anything less than spectacular. "ET" is actually one of my least favourite cuts from the album but the frosty production stood out on radio and Kanye's rap improved an already killer jam. First class pop.

93. Jungle - Emma Louise (Video)

Australia

This girl is going to be big. With singer-songwriter loving hipsters. I love every song on her "Full Hearts & Empty Rooms" EP but "Jungle" is the track that got the most attention. It's a brooding electro-pop anthem that manages to be catchy and ominous at the same time. Quite the feat.

92. Together You And I - Dolly Parton (Video)

US

Dolly does it better. The end.

91. Lonely Lisa - Mylène Farmer (Video)

France

RedOne racked up the frequent flyer points in 2011, jetting around the world to help divas of a certain vintage revive their failing careers with killer club anthems. While most of those collaborations were painfully generic, "Lonely Lisa" stands out as one of the supr-producers kookiest efforts in a long time. I'm sure Mylène had a lot to do with that, inspiring him with her stunning lyrics and even more stunning plastic surgery. All jokes aside, this is absolutely gorgeous.

90. Amazing - Vanessa Amorosi (Video)

Australia

After dropping the career-killer otherwise known as "Gossip", Vanessa went into major damage control by releasing what is basically a remake of her biggest hit. While "Amazing" doesn't quite reach the lofty heights of "Perfect", it's a great track in its own right and grew on me. A lot. Bring on the album, Ness Ness. I have faith in you!

89. Get Together - Marta Sanchez & D-Mol (Video)

Spain

The Spanish Madonna came out of retirement to record a tragic dance anthem for a Bacardi commercial and snatched every wig in the Euro-pop game. Go figure.

88. Try With Me - Nicole Scherzinger (Video)

US

Of the 27 singles Nicole released in 2011, "Try With Me" is definitely one of the best. I love songs that start as a ballad before exploding into a dance anthem and Hitzinger pulls it off with ease. Beautiful lyrics and delicate production make this a career highlight.

87. Why'd You Have To Kiss Me So Hard? - Laura Imbruglia (Audio)

Australia

Natalie Imbruglia's sexier sister returned to the half-empty pub scene in 2011 with the lead single from her third album. Not much has changed. Laura is still writing witty pop songs that nobody gives a fuck about and I'm still merrily downloading them. Her time will come!

86. Paparazzi - Kan Mi Youn (Video)

South Korea

Kan Mi Youn surprised everyone with this killer K-pop dance anthem. I'd take it over Lady Gaga's similarly titled hit any day!

85. Ours - Taylor Swift (Video)

US

I have done a complete 180 with Taylor. She used to annoy the fuck out of me but I've seen the light and now recognise Tay Tay as the second coming of Shania - only with a rice-paper thin voice and Disney princess lyrics. I guess that makes "Ours" a bit of an exception. The latest single from "Speak Now" is an understated little gem about the keeping love alive against the daily grind of life. Unexpectedly adorable.

84. Jona Vark - Gypsy & The Cat (Video)

Australia

I feel like this song has been around for years but it finally got the recognition it deserved in 2011 when it became an unexpected hit in Germany. "Jona Vark" is slightly psychedelic electro-pop that reminds me of Empire Of The Sun on Valium. I love it and look forward to the boys' next opus.

83. Rehab - Bai Ling (Audio)

China

All bow down to the new queen of Chinese pop! Critically-acclaimed Chinese actress and renowned party girl Bai Ling turned her hand to pop in 2011, recording this genre-bending triumph in just five hours after checking out of rehab. You know your fave could never!

82. Party - Beyoncé Feat. Kanye West and Andre 3000 (Video)

US

King B took it back to the '90s on this languid slow jam. It's probably the least intense song on "4", which isn't a bad thing. "Party" proves that Beyoncé can still kick back and be a bad girl when she's not empowering future generations of women or slaying the game with a power ballad. I'm not a huge fan of the J.Cole remix, so stick with the vastly superior original.

81. Party Up - Israel Cruz (Video)

Australia

I might be a bit biased because I know Israel but, for my money, "Party Up" was the best piece of Taio Cruz-lite pop produced in Australia last year. Marvin Priest, Stan Walker and Timomatic all did better on the charts but this little gem has punchier production and a bigger chorus than "Loud", "Own This Club" or "Set It Off". Fingers crossed his next single does the business.

80. Baby I'm With The Band - Maragaret Cho (Video)

US

Who knew Margaret Cho was hiding one of 2011's catchiest pop/rock ditties on her latest comedy album? I don't even listen to this for a laugh anymore. It's just a very, very good pop song.

79. Fuckin' Perfect - P!nk (Video)

US

There's nothing new about "Fuckin' Perfect". In fact, I'm tempted to call the ballad P!nk by the numbers but is that such a bad thing? After stealing Kelly Clarkson's career in 2008, Alicia made this sound her own. I love the sentiment of the lyrics and slick production. Time for album number six.

78. Over You - Ria (Video)

New Zealand

For the life of me I can't remember how I stumbled across New Zealand's answer to Rihanna or, more accurately, Jessica Mauboy but I'm really glad I did. "Over You" is a something of a triumph. Sure, the beats are a bit dated and Ria was obviously molested by the stylist responsible for "Get Em Girls" but this empowering break-up anthem hits all the right notes. I love her voice, feel the lyrics and demand a dance remix. When are they going to ship her over here? It worked for Kimbra.

77. Skyscraper - Demi Lovato (Video)

US

I remember being asked to write something about Demi's first post-breakdown single and had to restrain myself from calling it a sloppy piece of shit. "Skyscraper" is as subtle as a sledgehammer and is built around a stupid metaphor. When I think of skyscrapers I think of buildings falling to the ground on 9/11 but that's all beside the point. Several months after it was released this popped up on my iPod and I had a bit of a moment. Demi's exquisite vocal imbues the song with emotion it doesn't really deserve and I secretly love how overwrought it is. I dare you to listen to this and not power-grab!

76. On My Mind - Cody Simpson (Video)

Australia

King Cody snatches Justin Bieber's toupee on this highlight of his fledgling pop career. If he keeps churning out this kind of shiny dance-pop, the teenager might outlive his 15 minutes. Hell, this even has trancey synths!

75. How Come You Never Go There - Feist (Video)

Canada

Let's be honest. This is no "1,2,3,4". It's a sparse little song about the end of a relationship with little commercial appeal. But that doesn't mean it's not any good. In fact, quite the opposite. "How Come You Never Go There" is deceptively catchy, worming its way further under your skin with each listen. 2011's ultimate grower.

74. Even Though I'm A Woman - Seeker Lover Keeper (Video)

Australia

A trio of local singer-songwriters that I really don't like join forces to release one of the year's best singles. I love this haunting little piano ballad, particularly when it veers into alt-country territory. Effortlessly pretty and deceptively catchy. Hell, it even has my teenage crush in the video!

73. Pretty Girl Rock - Keri Hilson (Video)

US

Once you get past the hilarity of Miss Keri describing herself as a '10', "Pretty Girl Rock" unfolds into one of 2011's quirkiest urban-pop tunes. I love the retro sound and deluded lyrics. Awesome video too.

72. Remind Me - Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood (Video)

US

The best country duet since Dolly Paron and Kenny Rodgers sang about land formations in the sea!

71. China - Sparkadia (Video)

Australia

Eerie verses flow into an explosive '80s-inspired chorus on this beautifully crafted gem from Australia's most underrated band. It also reminds me of T'Pau. So props for that!

70. Rabiosa - Shakira Feat. Pitbull (Video)

Colombia

Shakira proves that she can still knock-out a pounding club-banger better than just about anyone. "Rabiosa" positively bounces with heavy percussion and throbbing base. The ultimately Latin party jam.

69. Motivation - Kelly Rowland Feat. Lil Wayne (Video)

US

Ms Kelly briefly stole Beyoncé's shine with this super-slick babymaker that shot straight to number one on the US R&B chart and established Rico Love as the go-to producer for urban divas. My new favourite hobby is hunting down "Motivation" rip-offs - see Melanie Fiona's "4am" and Mary J's "Mr Wrong" for starters.

68. Dancing Crazy - Miranda Cosgrove (Video)

US

This sounds like a carbon copy of "What The Hell", which probably has something to do with the fact that Avril wrote it. And while it doesn't quite match the dizzying heights of the song it's clearly ripping off, Miranda's super-catchy jam doesn't fall as short as it should. Now if only she would stop pronouncing "dance" like Madonna.

67. Boyfriend - Big Time Rush (Video)

US

With amazing lyrics that name-check Twilight and Slumdog Millionaire, "Boyfriend" was the song that announced Big Time Rush as the new and improved NSYNC - only with really ugly members. The chorus kills me. "All I really want is to be your boy-boy-boy-boy-boyfriend". Genius.

66. Loving You Is Killing Me - Aloe Blacc (Video)

US

Dust off that pimp suit and buy yourself a fedora. Aloe Blacc delivers a truckload of old school funk on this incredibly snappy retro anthem.

65. Jam (Turn It Up) - Kim Kardashian (Audio)

US

When are we getting the full video? Why was Kim snubbed by the Grammys? How did this not outsell "Someone Like You"?

64. Crash & Burn (Jason Nevins Radio Remix) - Scarlette Fever (Audio)

UK

I think this was actually released in late 2010 but it only came to my attention last year. Scarlette Fever is a relatively obscure British singer-songwriter, who got some much deserved blog love when Jason Nevins transformed her uplifting pop/rock ditty into an epic dance anthem. Definitely worth hunting down.

63. Radioactive - Marina & The Diamonds (Video)

UK

I'm a bit worried about the state of Marina's career. She seems to have lost of her early momentum and is in danger of regressing into Sky Ferreira. Albeit with talent. It would be a shame because the 26-year-old changed my life with her immaculate debut. And while "Radioactive" doesn't quite match any of the singles from "The Family Jewels", it's a respectable attempt at developing a more commercial sound. I love that the song is still quintessionally her despite riding the Stargate conveyor belt to mediocrity. A misunderstood gem.

62. Best Thing I Never Had - Beyoncé (Video)

US

"Irreplaceable 2011" turned out to be the biggest hit from "4", which is hardly given surprising the made-for-radio chorus and flawless vocal. Not Bey's most original or exciting single by a long shot but I love the lyrics and have a feeling this will become a fan favourite further down the track.

61. Naughty - Elen Levon (Video)

Australia

In retrospect, "Naughty" was released two or three months too late to fully capitalise on the urban-dance craze but it's still a scarily impressive calling card. And it might get a second wind yet as the new promo song for Gossip Girl. Whatever happens with this catchy jam, the best is yet to come for Elen. Single number two drops in a fortnight and it's a monster. Stay tuned!

60. Glad You Came - The Wanted (Video)

UK

A perfect pop tune from the UK's finest boyband. I love the everything about this. The fresh-from-Ibiza beats cascade over deceptively clever lyrics - notice the clever word play in the verses? - before colliding with enough "woahs" to make this my party anthem of choice.

59. Endless Summer - The Jezabels (Video)

Australia

The catchiest Australian indie-pop song of 2011. Evocative lyrics, gargantuan chorus and an endearingly awful video make this an absolute winner.

58. I Don't Want To Be A Crappy Housewife - Tonje Langeteig (Video)

Norway

A haunting insight into one woman's existential crisis as she wades into the chilly waters of middle-age set to the edgiest beats Z-grade Scandinavian producers have to offer. A chilling masterpiece.

57. Air - Snakadaktal (Video)

Australia

This group of Melbourne teenagers serve up a dreamy dose of psychedelic pop on their frankly amazing debut single. Next big thing? Quite possibly.

56. Give Me Everything - Pitbull Feat. Ne-Yo, Afrojack & Nayer (Video)

US

"Give Me Everything" is to Pitbull what "Super Bass" was to Nicki Minaj - a ticket to the big league.

55. Buy My Love - Wynter Gordon (Video)

US

The most straightforward pop song on Wynter's epic debut album is a high-camp treat that should have been massive. Instead it was DOA. I blame the embarrassing video.

54. Drop It Low - Kat DeLuna (Video)

Dominican Republic

Seeing my friend Joe drop it low to Kat's hypnotic club-banger in an alley behind Chicago's most tragic gay bar in August made my year. When is the Dominican dance diva going to score another hit (outside Belgium)? Her tunes are too hot not to be massive!

53. Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.) - Katy Perry (Video)

US

The undeniably catchy Ke$ha-homage that introduced Kathy Beth Terry to the world. I don't think it will age particularly well but it will still provide the soundtrack to many a Friday night for months to come.

52. Love You More - Sunday Girl (Video)

UK

I feel like Sunday Girl has been about to happen for the last five years... maybe she should start a support group with Natalia Kills and Neon Hitch. But I digress. This is a stunning cover of Sunscreem's '90s classic. Why didn't anybody think of this sooner?

51. Collide - Leona Lewis (Video)

UK

I can't believe this horse-faced bitch is polluting my list but I can't deny that her aural rape of Avicii's "Penguin" is a classily-constructed floorfiller with a disarmingly pretty chorus. Faceless dance music is the future for Leona.

50. Today Is Your Day - Shania Twain (Video)

Canada

After almost a decade in self-imposed exile, Shania finally returned to the studio in 2011 to record this song for her reality show. It underwhelmed just about everyone and turned out to be a "Bionic"-sized flop but I love it. Sure, the stunning Canadian has apparently forgotten how to sing - she mumbles her way through the trite lyrics - and the production is more dated than the diva's hairstyle but hearing this makes me happy and hopeful that we may eventually get another album. Preferably without a world music bonus disc.

49. Super Bass - Nicki Minaj (Video)

US

The song that helped Nicki Minaj make the transition from feature creature to pop star holds up as one of the catchiest urban-pop concoctions of recent years.

48. Party Rock Anthem - LMFAO feat. Lauren Bennett and GoonRock (Video)

US

This modern masterpiece is now the highest selling single of all time in Australia. Yay! One question. Who the fuck is GoonRock?

47. The Edge Of Glory - Lady Gaga (Video)

US

The only single from "Born This Way" that meets the impossibly high standard set by "The Fame" and "Fame Monster". A towering Euro-pop explosion that boasts an emotional autheticity lacking from trash like "Judas" and "Marry The Night".

46. Love Gun - Michelle Williams(Audio)

US

I thought Tenitra was about to embark on a wig-snatching rampage when I first heard "Love Gun". This sparkling pop gem has hit written all over it but the gravel-voiced goddess pulled the plug and released that horrible German club anthem instead. Boo. Michelle channels Kylie effortlessly on this high-camp disco anthem. Hell, there's even what sounds like an ABBA sample. Madonna would kill for this!

45. Somebody That I Used To Know - Gotye Feat. Kimbra (Video)

Australia and New Zealand

The moody hipster's answer to "Someone Like You" is turning into one of the biggest Australian hits of all time - seven times platinum at home and roaring up the charts worldwide. It's easy to see the appeal. Everyone can indentify with the lyrics and there's something hypnotic about the minimal production. Gotye is coming for Adele's wig.

44. Call Your Girlfriend - Robyn (Video)

Sweden

This time last year I was suffering from major Robyn-overload and just wanted the Scandipop diva to disappear for a year. Twelve months have passed and I'm now gagging for new material. "Call Your Girlfriend" approaches a break-up from a previously unexplored angled and proves that Robyn is pretty much untouchable when it comes to well-crafted electro-pop.

43. Young Blood - Naked & The Famous (Video)

New Zealand

Again I feel like this is one of those songs that has been doing the rounds for years but "Young Blood" really only exploded in 2011, soaring up the charts in Europe and America. I love this kind of nostalgic indie-pop with its mumbled verses and anthemic chorus. Sadly the rest of the album stinks.

42. Geronimo - Aura Dione (Audio)

Denmark

Aura is big in Germany. Really big. "Geronimo" went all the way to number one there and would do the same in Australia if we had any taste. The song sounds like a cheap Gaga knock-off (the "ge ge go go la la" bit is borderline plagiarism) mixed with "Laundry Service"-era Shakira and a large splash of something completely new and exciting. It sounds like a hot mess, and to a certain extent, it is but I guarantee you'll be pressing replay.

41. Luminary Ones - Rebecca & Fiona (Video)

Sweden

If you like music from the edgier spectrum of Scandipop then, chances are, you're going love Rebecca & Fiona. This bleak and understated yet ultimately irrestistible dance anthem announced the girls as an act to watch in 2011. Quite possibly the hottest duo since Pepsi & Shirlie!

40. Domino - Jessie J (Video)

UK

Jessie J is pop's favourite punching bag but I still think she has an amazing voice and a knack for writing a brilliant pop song. See "Domino" as exhibit A. I don't care if it sounds like "Teenage Dream" - Katy Perry did not invent Dr. Luke! This is expertly-crafted pop that never fails to brighten up the radio airwaves. Perhaps the non-practising bisexual should release her own interpretation of "ET" or "Last Friday Night" next.

39. Me Gustas Tanto - Paulina Rubio (Video)

Mexico

RedOne reinvents Paulina Rubio as a club vixen on this demented dance anthem that mixes claps with catchy vocal hooks and bizarre autotune effects. Paulina is dancing on Thalia's metaphysical grave.

38. The One That Got Away - Katy Perry (Video)

US

Katy proves that she's no one trick pony on this classy mid-tempo ballad. It might have broken the diva's string of number one hits but it's definitely a creative highwater mark.

37. Blow - Ke$ha (Video)

US

What did we do before K$? The sexy stunner revolutionised popular music with "Animal" and then picked up where she left off on "Cannibal". Admittedly, "Blow" isn't my favourite song on her sophomore album but it's another unforgettable addition to her growing canon of pop classics.

36. Fiction - B2ST (Video)

South Korea

When I think of K-Pop boybands, Big Bang and TVXQ come to mind. However, the relatively unsung B2ST completely outdo their higher profile compatriots on this terrifyingly catchy dance anthem. Seeing the boys perform the song "live" at Sydney's K-Pop Fest was a revelation. Make sure you check out the video to see their now-iconic penguin dance routine!

35. Better With The Lights Off - New Boyz Feat. Chris Brown (Video)

US

Who knew that New Boyz and Chris Brown would be such a killer combination? If you look past the downright offensive concept - sorry but if my someone whispered into my ear that turning off the lights transforms me from a "Khloe to Kim", I would leave! - this is a spectacularly catchy pop song with amusing rhymes and a chorus the size of a Kardashian's arse.

34. White Nights - Oh Land (Video)

Denmark

So dreamy and beautiful. And there's even a unicorn in the video!

33. Raining Diamonds - Ricki-Lee (Video)

Australia

Ricki-Lee re-established herself as one of Australia's hottest pop divas with this atomic-powered dance tune. I love everything about the song from the massive vocal to the infectious "woah woah woahs" and admittedly generic lyrics about not settling for second best. "Raining Diamonds" would have performed even better if EMI didn't unveil the hideous trainwreck of a video months after the single was released.

32. Cherubino's Aria - Adya & Geisha (Video)

Belgium

There are no words to describe this aural mind-fuck.

31. Act Yr Age - Bluejuice (Video)

Australia

Bluejuice hammered the final nail into the Scissor Sisters' career coffin by effortlessly jacking their '70s rock/disco swagger on "Act Yr Age". This should have been a chart-topper but I fear people were put off by the senior citizen porn that doubles as the video clip. Oh well, I loved it.

30. Til The World Ends - Britney Spears (Video)

US

Ke$ha gifted Britney her best dance anthem since "Toxic" this year. I wish K$ had kept it for herself but I guess it's nice to help out the needy. All jokes aside, "Til The World Ends" is a towering pop anthem with the catchiest vocal hooks of 2011. A stunning return to form.

29. Like A Love Song - Selena Gomez & The Scene (Video)

US

Selegend has produced a lot of very good singles in the past but "Like A Love Song" is her first great one. This slick '80s-inspired dance anthem is effortlessly cool and surprisingly sexy. I love the throbbing synths, minimal production and chic spoken interlude. Britney who?

28. Beggin' On Your Knees - Victoria Justice (Video)

US

2011 was a great year for teen-pop with exquisite anthems from Demi Lovato and Selena Gomez. Surprisingly, the cream of the crop comes from the least well known. Victoria Justice turned to Max Martin for help catching up with the big girls and he delivered the goods. This moody pop/rock jam was probably written for P!nk or Adam Lambert but it works despite the 18-year-old's obvious vocal shortcomings. A great track that should have been huge.

27. Let's Go Higher - Jordan Knight (Video)

US

The New Kids On The Block singer beats Taio Cruz at his own game on this glorious urban-dance anthem. "Let's Go Higher" packs one of the year's biggest choruses and probably would have spent 10 weeks at number one if it wasn't sung by a washed up has-been. I really hope Jordan dusts it off during the intermission when NKOTB tour Australia later this year!

26. Gucci Gucci - Kreayshawn (Video)

US

Kreayshawn snatched Nicki's clown wig and forced all the basic bitches to take a seat in 2011's second-biggest viral hit.

25. What The Hell - Avril Lavigne (Video)

Canada

Nobody does perky pop/rock better than Avril as this almost-offensively catchy jam proves beyond a shadow of a doubt.

24. Friday - Rebecca Black (Video)

US

The Queen of Ark Factory gave new meaning to the words "going viral" in 2011. "Friday" became an immediate pop culture sensation largely because it's hilarious and the video is the visual equivalent of watching Nickelodeon on acid but also because it is a fucking good song. Catchy, memorable and almost manically cheerful - Rebecca Black's contribution to modern music will be looked back on fondly for years to come.

23. Love On Top - Beyoncé (Video)

US

In some ways "Love On Top" is the song that saved "4" - at least in Australia and the UK. While "Countdown" failed to take internationally, Bey's breezy Motown throwback became a radio staple and really connected with casual fans. There's so much to love about this exhilirating anthem, from the plethora of key changes to the slinky old school production. Moreover, it's the song that introduced Blue Ivy to the world! So it's basically the new Lord's Prayer.

22. Feel So Close - Calvin Harris (Video)

UK

Before selling out with that hideous Rihanna song, Calvin delivered a career-best single with "Feel So Close". This is simple, clever and innovative. I love the warm vocal sample juxtaposed against the heavy synths and always look forward to hearing the extended mix at the club. More uplifting and romantic than faceless dance music has any right to be.

21. Get Over U - Neon Hitch (Video)

UK

I don't know how I feel about Neon Hitch. "Get Over U" is such a triumph and I love her Gym Class Heroes feature but her other solo singles have been catastrophically heinous. Anyway, she'll always have this gorgeous Sia-penned electro-ballad to brighten up her increasingly shit discography. Think of this as the anti-"Someone Like You" ie. a song for people that actually want to move forward with their lives.

20. Video Games - Lana Del Rey (Video)

US

From the minute this started doing the rounds online, you just knew that Lana Del Rey was going to be massive. The big-lipped lovely delivers a knock-out punch with this brooding masterpiece. Bring on the album.

19. Wonderland - Natalia Kills (Video)

UK

I honestly thought Natalia was the real deal when I heard this gloomy fairytale-on-acid of a pop song. Unfortunately, I then heard her debut album and realised that she's just the poor man's Lady Gaga. Bring back Verbalicious!

18. Jump - The Cube Guys & Luciana (Video)

Italy and UK

As much as I love "I'm Still Hot", I think Luciana's high camp collaboration with Italian DJs The Cube Guys might turn out to be the bigger hit. This is "We No Speak Americano" meets "I Like That". Which is a very, very good thing. Watch this explode in Europe when the weather warms up.

17. Pumped Up Kicks - Foster The People (Video)

US

Does anyone know what this song is actually about? I have no idea and I really couldn't give a shit. It reminds me of sunny days in LA and never fails to put a smile on my face.

16. I Wrote The Book - Beth Ditto (Video)

US

"Heartbreak and then some, tell me where is a friend when you need one?" asks Beth wryly in "I Wrote The Book". From the knowing lyrics to Simian Mobile Disco's crisp production, everything about Ms Ditto's solo debut sits perfectly. This isn't the kind of song that gets stuck in your head from the first listen - it didn't really click with me for months - but it slowly seeps into your conscious and you're all the better for it. A full album please!

15. The Last Dance - Clare Maguire (Video)

UK

A towering synth-pop ballad about love and loss that packs a huge emotional punch. Clare's ridiculously brilliant debut also means a lot to me for a very personal reason.

14. Titanium - David Guetta Feat. Sia (Video)

France and Australia

You know, Sia really does have the midas touch. In 2011 she made Flo Rida, Hilltop Hoods and David Guetta all sound good. She deserves some kind of award for services to music! Of the three features, "Titanium" is in a different league. This is as heartfelt and atmospsheric as dance music gets. Comparing this version to Mary J's demo also showcases the power of Sia's voice. A modern classic.

13. Mean - Taylor Swift (Video)

US

This is the song that opened my mind and heart to Taylor. "Mean" has a wide-eyed naivity about it that gives the surprisingly bitter subject matter extra bite. "Why you gotta be so mean?" is truly a question for the ages. Easily the best country-pop song of 2011.

12. Inescapable - Jessica Mauboy (Video)

Australia

Jessica Mauboy hooked up with songwriting legend Diane Warren to produced 2011's hottest '80s inspired dance-pop anthem. "Inescapable" reminds me of early Vanessa Williams or even Whitney in her more upbeat moments. Listening to this is like mainlining happiness. When is it being released overseas? I think the world is finally ready for J. Malley!

11. Run The World (Girls) - Beyoncé (Video)

US

I honestly believe that "Run The World (Girls)" was tacked onto "4" to give Bey something anthemic to perform at the Billboard Music Awards and on the final episode of Oprah. Which is fine but they could have gone with something a bit less left-field. Switch's musical experiment is one of the craziest lead singles of all time. You can't go from "Halo" to blurting out lyrics about being faded by "ni**ers" over a sample of "Pon De Floor" in the space of one album! But while the song made no commercial sense, I think it's a genre-bending triumph that will continue to win fans for years to come. I love how insanely ambitious it is. Why not throw in a million different hooks, forget the chorus and do the Pantsula dance in the video if you can get away with it?

10. Midnight City - M83 (Video)

France

A sprawling synth-drenched opus from the undisputed maestro of French electronica. Beautiful, eerie and absolutely unforgettable.

9. I'm Still Hot - Luciana (Video)

UK

My lovely Luciana cemented her status as the international Queen of clubs - and undisputed inventor of electro-shouting - with her top 50 Australian smash "I'm Still Hot". I have so many fun memories attached to this song, including my first video interview and a messy trip to Newcastle while I was hallucinating on Chinese herbs. I really hope Ministry Of Sound build on this momentum and release an album.

8. Dancing Tonight - Kat DeLuna (Video)

Dominican Republic

If Kylie, J.Lo and Lady Gaga genetically engineered a child, she would probably release something that sounded a little like "Dancing Tonight" AKA the tastiest hit of bubblegum-pop released in 2011. Somebody please release this in Australia. Kat's army of loyal fans demand it!

7. Daddy - Emeli Sandé (Video)

UK

Despite being praised by every bitch with a blog, "Heaven" left me cold and I pretty much wrote off Emeli Sandé until hearing her epic second single. "Daddy" is dark and dangerous pop music that isn't scared of exploring relationships from a rather unseemly angle. I feel like I experienced every line of this song in 2011. Which is probably not the best reflection on my fucked-up love life.

6. Big - Sneaky Sound System (Video)

Australia

This is possibly the most glorious piece of electro-pop ever produced in Australia. "Big" should have been the single that re-established Sneaky Sound System as a major chart force. Instead, it flopped worse than Natalie Bassingthwaighte. Go figure.

5. Someone Like You - Adele (Video)

UK

I feel like I'm living this song, so I don't often get the urge to listen to it very often but there's no denying that "Someone Like You" is a new standard that will be covered and interpreted by less talented vocalists from now until the year 3000.

4. Pon Pon Pon - Kyary Pamyu Pamyu (Video)

Japan

Your fave can't pronounce Kyary Pamyu Pamyu, let alone match her sonic brilliance!

3. Gay Pirates - Cosmo Jarvis (Video)

UK

Leave it to a straight man to write and perform the year's best gay anthem. Cosmo's ode to butt-loving pirates is as swashbuckling and brave as its protagonists. A simple love story told through an old-fashioned sea shanty. Darren Hayes and all those other redundant old gays could never.

2. Countdown - Beyoncé (Video)

US

Now this is some next level shit. The best single from "4" failed to do the business on the charts but I was happy to see it on year-end lists from publications as diverse as Rolling Stone, BBC, Spinner and Pitchfork. In my mind "Countdown" is a sequel of sorts to "Get Me Bodied". Like that underrated gem, the world was not ready for this much innovation. Staccato horns, marching drums and tongue-twisting wordplay make this a single for the ages. It's time will come.

1. Don't Hold Your Breath - Nicole Scherzinger (below)

US

The new, slightly less hysteric "I Will Survive" got me through some tough times in 2011. For that, if nothing else, Nicole's stunning break-up anthem is my song of the year.

The 50 Best Albums Of 2011

2012-01-09T01:14:00.002+11:00

These lists drive me crazy. Since Christmas I've been frantically revisiting my favourite albums from 2011, trying to put them in some kind of order. The actual rankings are largely irrelevant. I love all of these, although I love the top 20 a tad more. Some of you will no doubt wonder where acts like Bon Iver and Fleet Foxes are. Firstly, I'd like to direct you to the name of this blog. Secondly, I find it incredibly pretentious to include artists I haven't featured throughout the year. Like certain shady fuckers I could mention. Anyway, here are my top 50 predominantly pop albums of 2011. Let me know what you think in the comments!

50. Femme Fatale - Britney Spears (US)

Must hear: "Til The World Ends", "Trip To My Heart" and "Criminal".

In 2011 Britney transformed into the world's first virtual pop star. The 30-year-old has never been particularly involved in her music but the people around her always did a good job of choosing songs that at least seemed to have a personal connection - be it young love ("Sometimes"), loneliness ("Everytime") or media harassment ("Piece Of Me"). This time around, they don't even bother. "Femme Fatale" is a disturbingly impersonal experience but there's no denying the quality of the songs. The Ke$ha-penned "Til The World Ends" stands toe-to-toe with the best of Brit's back catalogue, "I Wanna Go" boasts one of the year's catchiest hooks and the underperforming "Criminal" is something of a guilty pleasure if you ignore the vomit-inducing video. What you're left with is an eerily detached but ultimately accomplished pop album that has nothing to do with the person who allegedly recorded it.

49. Alexander - Alexander (US)

Must hear: "Awake My Body", "Bad Bad Love" and "Truth".

Alexander is better known as the man behind Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros. Their 2009 opus "Up From Below" is a huge favourite of mine and I was excited about this solo project. As it turns out, "Alexander" is something of companion piece to the band's last offering. It explores similar sounds and themes but doesn't quite match the psychedelic highs of that gem. Not that it's a total waste. The kooky songwriter's sun-drenched songs of love and loss are magical in their own right. This musical equivalent of watching a '70s road movie on acid.

48. Saxobeats - Alexandra Stan (Romania)

Must hear: "Get Back (ASAP)", "Mr Saxobeat" and "Show Me The Way".

I love this hot Romanian tranny and her dated saxobeats! Inna could never.

47. The Great Impression - Sparkadia (Australia)

Must hear: "Talking Like I'm Falling Down Stairs", "China" and "Mary".

While a much-deserved commercial breakthrough continues to elude Sparkadia, they won a lot of new fans with their excellent sophomore set. I think the band's problem is that they are essentially genreless. Their brand of darkly beautiful soft-rock/pop (for want of a better description) isn't exactly typical radio fodder but I can't get enough of it. From The Cure meets Hurts synth-adventure of "Talking Like I'm Falling Down Stairs" to the gloriously morose "China", Sparkadia has earned their spot at the forefront of Australian pop.

46. Oh Land - Oh Land (Denmark)

Must hear: "Sun Of A Gun", "White Nights" and "We Turn It Up".

My only problem with Oh Land's icily beautiful self-titled album is that it took five or six listens to fully appreciate. While I respect the subtle production and experimental flourishes, the Danish diva's less-is-more approach to pop demands a level of attention I would never usually show a new artist. And I really would have hated to miss out on the Oh Land experience. She somehow manages to walk the line between Robyn's commercial electro-pop and Lykke Li's depressed art-pop. The result is dreamy and magical. Start with singles "White Nights" and "Sun Of A Gun" before wading into the slightly muddier waters of "Lean" and "Break The Chain".

45. Too Cool To Care - New Boyz (US)

Must hear: "Better With The Lights Off", "Backseat" and "Meet My Mom".

I probably should be embarrassed to like this album as much as I do. New Boyz are the rap equivalent of LMFAO - a tongue-in-cheek duo, who appeal to the lowest common denominator with their unashamedly low-rent tunes about clubbing and fucking. But I'm on board as long as they keep churning out killer jams like "Better With The Lights Off" - Chris Brown's best song in years - and "Backseat" (Dev's finest feature of 2011). To get some idea of the Boyz's surprising versatility, check out the light-hearted "Meet My Mom" and gritty Sabi-assisted "Tough Kids". It's no "Watch The Throne" but I like it!

44. From Here To Anywhere - Sneaky Sound System (Australia)

Must hear: "Big", "I'm Not Leaving" and "The Colours".

For a master-class in pulling together a cohesive electro-pop album that manages to explore a variety of sub-genres without ever straying from its core concept, look no further than "From Here To Anywhere". There's not a bad song on this. It's just a shame that with the obvious exception of "Big", which should have been bigger than "Party Rock Anthem", and the poptastic "I'm Not Leaving", there aren't a lot of singles to choose from. I'm not even going to comment on "Really Want To See You Again" going to radio. What the fuck?

43. To The Horses - Lanie Lane (Australia)

Must hear: "That's What You Get", "What Do I Do" and "What Trouble Is".

I like to listen to Lanie's critically acclaimed debut when I'm stoned. There's not much else to say.

42. Unreleased - Nicole Holness (Canada)

Must hear: "Epic", "Pop Yo Bottles" and "Still The One".

I almost passed out when I saw "Unreleased" in Canadian record store earlier this year. Lead single "Epic" came to my attention on the Pop Panel way back in 2009 and means a lot to me for a lot of different reasons. I thought Nicole - an MTV host, as far as I can tell - was a one- or no-hit wonder, who dropped off the face of the earth after revolutionising pop music with the aforementioned synth-ballad but she finally got around to releasing an album in 2011 and it was worth the wait. The whole affair is let down by sub-standard production but the pride of Canada has a surprisingly warm voice and puts her own spin on slutty club-bangers ("Pop Yo Bottles" and "Watch Me") and pretty slow jams ("Still The One" and "Come Find Me"). I would love to see what Nicole could deliver with different collaborators but until then I'm going to cherish this underappreciated gem.

41. Nothing But The Beat - David Guetta (France)

Must hear: "Night Of Your Life", "Titanium" and "Repeat".

David Guetta makes me queasy but "Nothing But The Beat" is already a veritable greatest hits compilation. "Titanium" is easily the best song the French DJ has ever produced. "Without You" is Usher's best song in a decade. "Little Bad Girl" is more of the same from Taio Cruz but I'm not complaining. The scary thing is that there are at least two more killer singles waiting for release. Jessie J's "Repeat" is better than anything on her own album and Jennifer Hudson delivers a monster vocal on the divalicious "Night Of Your Life". I have a feeling this will date less gracefully than Madonna but for now it's a strikingly good snapshot of where dance music is at circa 2011.

40. En Vivo Desde Paris - Shakira (Colombia)

Must hear: "Hips Don't Lie", "Je L'aime A Mourir" and "Sale El Sol".

Missing out on Shakira's "Sun Comes Out" tour is one of my biggest regrets of 2011. Particularly after hearing this electric live recording of her Paris show. The Colombian superstar performs all the hits from her latest album as well as reviving old classics like "Whenever Wherever" and "Underneath Your Clothes". Other highlights include new French single "Je L'aime A Mourir" and finally hearing "Waka Waka" live. I love that the concert hasn't been doctored to sound better on record. This is raw and a little rough in places, which makes it all the more exciting to hear.

39. Two - Lenka (Australia)

Must hear: "Heart Skips A Beat", "You Will Be Mine" and "Everything's OK".

After making huge international waves with "The Show", Lenka was singled out by many as Australia's next big thing. Unfortunately for the pop veteran, her sophomore album sank without a trace. Which is rather shit because it's a big improvement on debut. The highlights come from super-producer Guy Sigsworth (Britney, Robyn and Madonna), who tries to direct the quirky diva towards a more commercial sound. "You Will Be Mine" is one of the year's best electro-pop songs, while "Heart Skips A Beat" is only slightly too understated for mainstream success. If you miss the relentless sunniness of "The Show", then check out "Everything's OK". It pretty much picks up where her breakout hit left off.

38. Pennies In A Jar - Nikki Jean (US)

Must hear: "What's A Girl Supposed To Do", "Rockaway" and "Mercy Of Love".

Remember when Nikki Jean was hailed as the next big thing? No? Don't worry, you're in the majority. Needless to say, things didn't really work out for soul singer, which is a shame because "Pennies In A Jar" is a quirky gem. A concept album of sorts, Nikki's debut had the plucky songbird travelling across America to work with legendary songwriters like Bob Dylan, Carole King, Jeff Barry, Carly Simon and Barry Mann & Cynthia Weil. If those names mean anything to you, chances are you'll love this Motown-inspired collection of sweet soul tunes. If not - then cut your losses and move on.

37. Victorious - Soundtrack (US)

Must hear: "Beggin' On Your Knees", "Best Friend's Brother" and "All I Want Is Everything".

Selena Gomez had better watch her back because Victoria Justice is coming for her wig! The 18-year-old Nickelodeon starlet's second soundtrack album is surprisingly strong thanks to contributions from Max Martin and Shellback. "Beggin' On Your Knees" is the best thing the super-Swede has written for a non A-Lister, while tracks like "Best Friend's Brother" and "You're The Reason" wouldn't sound out of place on an early Miley Cyrus album - a huge compliment indeed!

36. Take Care - Drake (Canada)

Must hear: "Doing It Wrong", "Look What You've Done" and "Hyfr (Hell Ya Fucking Right)".

Drizzy is the best thing to happen to hip-hop since Khia! I don't know what I expected from "Take Care" but it wasn't this surprisingly frank batch of songs that intimately document Drake's rise to and subsequent struggle with fame. There are tracks about family support ("Look What You've Done"), groupies ("Hyfr") and failed relationships ("Doing It Wrong"). Hell, the Canadian even manages to make Nicki Minaj sound good on "Make Me Proud"! Great stuff.

35. Ayer Y Hoy - Ninel Conde (Mexico)

Must hear: "Vivir Así Es Morir De Amor", "Chica Material (Material Girl)" and "Venus".

Mexican pop goddess Ninel delivered one of 2011's campest albums with her fabulous collection of '70s and '80s cover versions. The production is a bit rough in places but you haven't lived until you hear the diva's interpretations of "Venus", "Material Girl" and "Gloria" en español. Think of this as the Latin equivalent of Marcia Hines' legendary "Discotheque" album. Yes, it's that amazing!

34. Is The World Strange Or Am I Strange? - Cosmo Jarvis (UK)

Must hear: "Gay Pirates", "Blame It On Me" and "She Doesn't Mind".

I love Cosmo. The very heterosexual 22-year-old not only crafted the year's best gay anthem in the form of "Gay Pirates" but also managed to cover Kylie and share a beer with me at his industry showcase in Neutral Bay. Unfortunately, the Englishman's sophomore set drew mixed reviews - many critics had issues with his eclectic style and rapping - but I love that "Is The World Strange Or Am I Strange?" is a jarring melting pot of different genres and sounds. It's not a complete mess. There is an overarching theme (disenchantment and disillusionment) and Mr Jarvis knows how to knock out a memorable lyric better than most. Expect album number three to be an absolute corker.

33. Love CPR - September (Sweden)

Must hear: "Microphone", "Party In My Head" and "Resuscitate Me".

Petra continues to rule the Scandipop landscape with her tried and tested brand of upbeat pop. And while "Love CPR" doesn't quite hit the same heights as "Dancing Shoes" or "In Orbit", it's still better than anything else made in Sweden this year.

32. Love? - Jennifer Lopez (US)

Must hear: "Papi", "I'm Into You" and "Starting Over".

"Love?" is such a frustrating album. One the one hand it's an unforgivably lazy mess that mixes ancient demos with bottom of the barrel contributions from usually reliable producers. On the other, it delivers the odd hit of top-notch pop and serves as a reminder that Jennifer Lopez was an incredibly fun pop star in her hey-day. Highlights include mega-hit "On The Floor", the generic but frankly amazing "I'm Into You", "Papi" and the Wynter Gordon-penned mid-tempo ballad "Starting Over". It's not a perfect album by any means but I hope Jenny's comeback has done well enough to prompt a swift follow-up.

31. Deleted Scenes From The Cutting Room Floor - Caro Emerald (Netherlands)

Must hear: "Back It Up", "That Man" and "Stuck".

The Caro Emerald phenomenon hasn't reached Australia yet but the Dutch diva has already conquered Germany and England with her snappy jazz tunes. My first taste of "Deleted Scenes" was the swing-tastic "Back It Up" and while nothing else matches the commercial appeal of that killer anthem, the rest of Caro's debut is a classy delight. If people still threw dinner parties, this would be the perfect soundtrack.

30. Nightshades - Cobra Starship (US)

Must hear: "Disaster Boy", "Fool Like Me" and "Anything For Love".

This ranks as the year's biggest surprise for me. I've never been a particularly big fan of Cobra Starship and pretty much hated the album's generic lead single. So imagine my shock when I heard the rest of "Nightshades" and fell head-over-heels in love. There's so much going on here. From the New Order tribute otherwise known as "Anthing For Love" to the sublime retro-stylings of "Fool Like Me", the band's fourth offering is an almost flawless display. If you don't believe me, check out "Disaster Boy". This is the kind of nuclear-powered pop that Alphabeat briefly teased us with before becoming shit.

29. Brava! - Paulina Rubio (Mexico)

Must hear: "Me Gustas Tanto", "Heat Of The Night" and "All Around The World".

Paulina Rubio gets the RedOne songs J.Lo and Kat DeLuna rejected on her latest bi-lingual pop opus. That might sound like a diss but the Swedish super-producer always saves his best material for the Latin ladies and this is no exception. The rest of the album sounds a bit dated in comparison but fans of the Mexican diva will find a lot to love.

28. Selection - Ami Suzuki (Japan)

Must hear: "Love The Island", "Free Free" and "Delightful".

Japanese pop queen Ami Suzuki finally deigned to release a greatest hits package this year. I'm still crying and shaking!

27. Chief - Eric Church (US)

Must hear: "Springsteen", "Drink In My Hand" and "Hungover & Hard Up".

Ok, I admit it. I only bought this CD for the cover! But happily, Eric's testosterone-soaked country-rock anthems - about getting drunk and chasing women - are almost as hot as his face.

26. Gloria - Goria Trevi (Mexico)

Must hear: "Fuego Con Fuego", "Sobrenatural" and "La Noche".

The best Mexican pop album of 2011.

25. El Camino - The Black Keys (US)

Must hear: "Lonely Boy", "Gold On The Ceiling" and "Run Right Back".

I'm not going to pretend I'm a Black Keys fan from way back. I can usually take or leave them but "El Camino" has wormed its way under my skin mainly due to the fact that one of my best friend's has been playing it non-stop in her car since the day of release. While nothing has else the pop appeal of the awesome "Lonely Boy", I recommend checking out "Gold On The Ceiling" and "Run Right Back" for similar rootsy goodness. A total grower.

24. I Remember Me - Jennifer Hudson (US)

Must hear: "Where You At", "Gone" and "Everybody Needs Love".

"I Remember Me" is probably how "4" would have turned out if Beyoncé settled for generic mainstream producers and was half as talented. That sounds like a whopping insult but even the poor man's equivalent of King B's genre-defining masterpiece is a very good thing. I love that Jennifer serves up some old school soul with "Where You At" and "I Got This" as well as unexpectedly throwing in some disco in the form of the epic "Everybody Needs Love" and even going gospel on "Believe". The album is less successful when Jen tries to sound current ("I remember Me" and "Angel") and falls particularly flat with mid-tempo R&B dirge like "Don't Look Down" and "Still Here". The album's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination but I like it. A lot.

23. Zoë - Zoë Badwi (Australia)

Must hear: "Freefallin'", "Relapse" and "One Step Behind".

Zoë Badwi flew the flag for homegrown dance music in 2011, pulling together twelve classy floorfillers on her hugely enjoyable debut. While "Freefallin'" towers above the other tracks in terms of commercial appeal, clubbers will find a lot to love on "Zoë". The Hi-NRG explosion that is "Relapse" pushes all my trashy buttons, while "One Step Behind" finds the diva in an unusually demented mood. At one point a re-release was in the works and I really hope that's still happening. This gem deserves a bigger audience.

22. Make A Scene - Sophie Ellis-Bextor (UK)

Must hear: "Starlight", "Cut Straight To The Heart" and "Bittersweet".

The depressing state of Sophie Ellis-Bextor's career is one of the world's great mysteries. This woman should be bigger than Madonna. Instead, she's been reduced to releasing Russia-only albums. What the fuck? On the bright side, "Make A Scene" is a typically flawless collection of understated pop gems that stands out as the second best album of SEB's career - just behind the criminally underrated "Shoot From The Hip". From the gorgeous "Bittersweet" to the synth-drenched, Sally Shapiro-pop of "Starlight", this is solid as a rock. Maybe it's time for Sophie to lower her standards and call RedOne. Desperate times call for desperate measures.

21. Watch The Throne - Jay-Z & Kanye West (US)

Must hear: "H.A.M.", "Lift Off" and "Made In America".

I'm going to be honest. I probably wouldn't have even bothered listening to "Watch The Throne" if Beyoncé hadn't lent her exquisite vocals to "Lift Off". The quality of that trippy track peaked my interest and I was blown away by the album's raw ambition and seamless blend of featured artists and obscure samples. While I find it difficult to identify with the full-throttle rap of "Niggas In Paris" or "H.A.M.", I can appreciate the dizzying skill on display but the album really works for me when it veers into pop territory on killer tracks like the aforementioned "Lift Off", Mr Hudson-assisted "Why I Love You" and the beautiful "Made In America". Somehow it actually lives up to the hype.

20. Young Foolish Happy - Pixie Lott (UK)

Must hear: "You Win", "Birthday" and "All About Tonight".

Leave Pixie alone! The glamorous English songbird has become the most hated woman in pop (after Jessie J) - a situation I find completely baffling. She's pretty, has a good voice and doesn't pretend to be bisexual to sell records! Anyway, the haters can choke on the musical brilliance of her stunning sophomore album. Lead single "All About Tonight" is a dazzling floorfiller but it's not indicative of the rest of the album, which finds Ms Lott mostly in mid-tempo, retro-mode. That sounds vile but the material is consistently excellent. "You Win" is a swoon-worthy ballad, "Kiss The Stars" is upbeat pop at its cutest and "We Just Go On" is a genuinely touching break-up anthem. Admittedly, there are some fails - misguided second single "What Do You Take Me For?" and downright dire "Nobody Does It Better" - but this is a massive step in the right direction. I just hope they start choosing better singles before this ends up in the bargain bin next to "Talk That Talk".

19. Tell Me - Jessica Lea Mayfield (US)

Must hear: "Our Hearts Are Wrong", "I'll Be The One That You Want Someday" and "Blue Skies Again".

Jessica Lea Mayfield is my favourite clinically depressed singer-songwriter. Her debut made all the right people take notice but "Tell Me" is on another level entirely. There isn't a dud track on this brutally honest collection of ominous poems loosely set to music by Black Keys' frontman Dan Auerbach. The talented 's bleak opinion of love and relationships comes to the fore on such downbeat fare as "I'll Be The One That You Want Someday", "Nervous Lonely Night" and "Run Myself Into The Ground". A dark and moody treat for fans of morose alt-country.

18. No Boys Allowed - Keri Hilson (US)

Must hear: "All The Boys", "Lose Control" and "Beautiful Mistake".

I'm so embarrassed. I bought a Keri Hilson album and I (really) liked it! This bird-brained diva is the Jessie J of R&B - talented but delusional and completely unaware of her lowly position in the musical hierachy. Be that as it may, "No Boys Allowed" is all killer no filler. Strippers will be working that pole to sexy club-bangers like "Gimme What I Want" and "Drippin'" for years to come, while Miskeried unexpectedly shows her softer side on pretty ballads like "All The Boys" and "Hustler". Perhaps the biggest surprise is the pure-pop of "Beautiful Mistake" and "Fearless". Hell, the album even includes the trashy German remix of her international smash "I Like"! There really is a lot to love about "No Boys Allowed". If Skeri would just shut her mouth and sing, she might not be a complete joke. 2011's ultimate guilty pleasure.

17. With The Music I Die - Wynter Gordon (US)

Must hear: "Still Getting Younger", "Til Death" and "Buy My Love".

Wynter took Australia by storm last summer with her triple platinum smash "Dirty Talk" and kept the momentum going with "Til Death". Things seem to have died down a bit for her since then - I blame that hideous duet with Marvin Priest - but there's no denying that "With The Music I Die" is one of the most accomplished dance-pop albums of the year. Apart from the stellar singles, "Still Getting Younger" is an absolute triumph and "Rumba" single-handedly made Ace Of Base relevant again. There are a couple of songs that haven't held up particularly well ("Drunk On Your Love" and "Don't Stop Me") but this demands a re-release, even if Neon Records just tack on some of her fabulous leaked demos. "Wonderland" and "I Like Your Noise" pretty please!

16. My Life II... The Journey Continues (Act 1) - Mary J. Blige (US)

Must hear: "Mr Wrong", "The Living Proof" and "Need Someone".

Releasing a sequel to one of the most influential R&B albums of all time was always going to be a hard ask but the Queen of soul pulls it off. That's not to say that "My Life II" is perfect. I have issues with generic club-bangers like "Feel Inside" and "Next Level". They are clearly beneath a legend like Mary J and let's not even mention that embarrassing cover of Chaka Khan's "Ain't Nobody". The album comes into its own, however, with hot slow jams - "Mr Wrong" and "Someone To Love Me (Naked)" - and killer collaborations with hip-hop royalty like Rick Ross ("Why") and Beyoncé ("Love A Woman"). Even better are the stripped-back ballads. "The Living Proof" is gorgeous, while the almost country-tinged "Need Someone" is easily the best song on the album.

15. Metals - Feist (Canada)

Must hear: "The Bad In Each Other", "How Come You Never Go There" and "Bittersweet Melodies".

"Metals" is a tricky little album. It's not the easiest listening experience but Feist's languid tunes work their way further under your skin with each listen. The Canadian does self-reflection better than anyone and this time around she's really wearing her broken heart on her sleeve. Tracks like "The Bad In Each Other" and "Comfort Me" are the kind of songs Adele will be writing for "29" and "31" - you know, when she's lived a little and has learned to lower her expectations. Feist is touring Australian next month and I can't wait to hear how the songs evolve when she performs them live. Her best album to date.

14. Hurry Up, We're Dreaming - M83 (France)

Must hear: "Midnight City", "Reunion" and "New Map".

M83 is stage name of French electro-pioneer Anthony Gonzalez. He has been churning out amazing synth-drenched gems for over a decade but finally scored a much-deserved commercial breakthrough in 2011 with the glorious "Hurry Up, We're Dreaming". This is the prettiest piece of music released this year. Dappled synths mix with acoustic guitar and piano to create a dreamy sound palette that Air could only dream of. With the exception of the brilliant "Midnight City", there aren't a lot of stand-out tracks. This is one of those old-fashioned albums that demands to be played as a whole. M83's Australian tour can't come quick enough.

13. Here I Am (UK Edition) - Kelly Rowland (US)

Must hear: "Motivation", "Heaven & Earth" and "Turn It Up".

I'm here for Ms Kelly. I really am. Destiny's Child is my favourite musical act of all time and I've remained loyal to the girls - well, except for LeToya and Farrah but those bitter hoes don't deserve it. My point is, Kelly is one of my leading ladies and I was genuinely ecstatic when "Motivation" exploded in America. That song will go down as one of the hottest babymakers of all time and introduced the diva's super-moist vagina to the world. A body part that dominates "Here I Am". There are songs about being fucked in the club, gang-banged and fisted. So if you need a soundtrack to your next orgy - look no further! While I love Kelly in gangsta slut mode, I prefer the classy R&B of "Keep It Between Us" and "Heaven & Earth" (best song on the album). I'm also partial to her amazing dance output ("Forever & A Day" and "What A Feeling"), which makes the UK edition vastly superior to the slow jam-heavy US and Australian editions.

12. Unbroken - Demi Lovato (US)

Must hear: "Unbroken", "Fix A Heart" and "My Love Is Like A Star".

Demi Lovato's third album is a career-defining triumph. I was initially annoyed that the second coming of Madonna turned her back on the edgy rock of her early albums in favour of mainstream pop but I was misguided. The damaged Disney diva has finally found her niche. "Unbroken" effortlessly taps into the 19-year-old's status as the poster girl for teen angst with emotional ballads showcasing her powerful pipes ("Skyscraper" and "Mistake") interspersed among catchy club-bangers ("Unbroken" and "All Night Long"). While the album occasionally sounds like an inferior copy of Nelly Furtado's "Loose", Demi effortlessly makes the transition from teen phenom to bonafide pop star. In fact, the only thing that could possibly make "Unbroken" better is a cover of "The First Cut Is The Deepest".

11. Light After Dark - Claire Maguire (UK)

Must hear: "Burn", "The Last Dance" and "This Is Not The End".

Sounding like Sophie Ellis-Bextor with a pack-a-day habit, Claire Maguire attracted a lot of press early this year with her sublime debut "Light After Dark". If poetic pop served with lashings of wit and melancholy appeals to you, then look no further. I wish this album had done better because the English diva is now talking about recording a rock album. Which makes my head spin. One listen to the grandiose chorus of "The Last Dance" is confirmation enough that Claire has already found her calling.

10. Own The Night - Lady Antebellum (US)

Must hear: "Dancin' Away With My Heart", "Just A Kiss" and "Cold As Stone".

Not since the glory days of Shania Twain has an act walked the line between pop and country with as much grace as Lady Antebellum. This is another ridiculously enjoyable collection of melancholy-soaked odes to lost love and perky pop tunes about new beginnings. Just buy it.

9. Goodbye Lullaby - Avril Lavigne (Canada)

Must hear: "What The Hell", "Wish You Were Here" and "Push".

After taking an extended break from music to make a bad perfume and release a flop clothing line, Avril returned this year with the most personal album of her career. I love "Goodbye Lullaby" but I understand why fans were put off by the mostly acoustic set of songs about the end of her marriage to that douchebag from Sum 41. The power-pop that made her a superstar is all but absent and she replaces her usual angst with confusion and regret. It's all very unexpected but somehow comes together perfectly. Who cares if "Goodbye Lullaby" sold ten copies? Avril had the balls to try something completely different while your fave is still peddling the same old shit. She wins.
8. Torches - Foster The People (US)

Must hear: "Pumped Up Kicks", "I'd Do Anything For You" and "Houdini".

Sounding like a cross between The Killers and MGMT, Foster The People came out of nowhere to become 2011's hottest new band. I fell in love with "Pumped Up Kicks" in LA - it will always remind me of waiting in line at In N Out burger! - but the rest of "Torches" is equally impressive. Particularly the brooding "Helena Beat", quirky "Houdini" and unashamedly romantic "I'd Do Anything For You". There isn't a dud track on this album, which makes it a very rare animal indeed.

7. When The Sun Goes Down - Selena Gomez & The Scene (US)

Must hear: "Bang Bang Bang", "Hit The Lights" and "Like A Love Song".

Selegend emerged from Justin Bieber's shadow in 2011 to hammer the final nail in Hilary Duff's coffin by releasing the year's best American dance-pop album. Aside from housing a flawless collection of future pop classics, "When The Sun Goes Down" also heralds the 19-year-old's transition from TV star to hitmaker. "Who Says" and "Like A Love Song" both went Platinum in the US and the best is yet to come with the amazing La Roux rip-off "Bang Bang Bang" and fabulous excursion into Miley Cyrus-esque pop/rock on "Middle Of Nowhere" and "That's More Like It". This is proof that you don't need a big voice to be a great pop star - just a superstar boyfriend and a bunch of tracks Britney erroneously rejected from "Femme Fatale". Special props for the amazingly incompetent Spanish bonus tracks. "Fantasma De Amor", in particular, makes my life!

6. Inside Out - Kat DeLuna (Dominican Republic)

Must hear: "Push Push", "Dancing Tonight" and "Rock The House".

Since being exiled to Belgium, Kat DeLuna has gone from strength-to-strength artistically. RedOne's muse snatched Rihanna's wig on "Push Push", paved the way for J.Lo's "On The Floor" with the vastly superior "Party O'Clock" and took "Dancing Tonight" all the way to number one. On the Billoard club chart. Amazingly, the rest of the album is just as epic. "All In My Head" and "Rock The House" are full-throttle club classics, while the Dominican diva proves she's just at skilled at balladry by singing the fuck out of "One Foot Out The Door". I guess the Kat's out of the bag - "Inside Out" is the best dance album of 2011! Stay pressed, Lady Gaga.

5. 21 - Adele (UK)

Must hear: "Rolling In The Deep", "Someone Like You" and "Set Fire To The Rain".

There's nothing left to be said about this album. It's a gut-wrenching tour de force that changed the landscape of popular music forever. My problem with Adele is that she's a one trick pony. Nobody does brokenhearted better but can she mix it up and deliver the occasional upbeat track like Amy Winehouse did, for example? I guess we'll just have to wait for "23" to find out.

4. Stronger - Kelly Clarkson (US)

Must hear: "I Love You", "The War Is Over" and "I Forgive You".

I hate "Mr Know It All". I find "What Doesn't Kill You (Stronger)" slightly embarrassing. I would prefer to listen to Natalie Bassingthwaigthe's two hits on repeat for a week than hear "Einstein" ever again. They are my only complaints about Kelly Clarkson's fifth album. The rest is pretty much perfect. Kelegend is still the Queen of pissed off pop/rock and revisits familiar themes on "I Forgive You" and prematurely leaked gems "Let Me Down" and "Dark Side". Better yet are the tracks that allow the original American Idol to be vulnerable. "Breaking Your Own Heart", "Standing In Front of You" and "The War Is Over" are a revelation. Throw in her record-breaking country duet "Don't You Wanna Stay" and the best song of her career ("I Love You") and you've got one hell of a pop album.

3. Killer Love - Nicole Scherzinger (US)

Must hear: "Trust Me I Lie", "Say Yes" and "Don't Hold Your Breath".

How do you solve a problem like Nicole? She is the complete package as far as looks and talent are concerned and somehow managed to pull together the best mainstream pop album of 2011. Unfortunately, nobody seemed to care. At least outside of the UK. Why? I think it's a twofold problem. Bad single choices and the fact that she takes herself a bit too seriously. After meeting her in LA, I'm convinced Hitzinger is just misunderstood. She is very earnest about her profession but isn't that a good thing? Anyway, that's all beside the point. "Killer Love" is a scarily good pop album. The kind of once-in-a-career opus that Lady Gaga wanted "Born This Way" to be. If you pretend that "Poison" and "Wet" don't exist, this is a near flawless listening experience. "Don't Hold Your Breath" is a modern pop classic, "Right There" was one of the hottest urban jams of 2011, "Say Yes" would have been massive, "You Will Be Loved" is ridiculously beautiful and Nicky even makes Sting bearable on "Power's Out". When you add on the amazing UK bonus tracks, you're left with the unshakeable knowledge that Nicole Scherzinger quietly scalped your faves without breaking a sweat.

2. Starting Over - La Toya Jackson (US)

Must hear: Every track.

Three reasons why this was the second best recording of 2011:

- It's the official soundtrack to La Toya's second New York Times best-selling autobiography.

- The title track is a reworked version of a jingle the Pope of pop used to promote an alcoholic beverage.

- Most of the tracks were recorded in 2002.

Sorry but I have to ask. Could your fave?

1. 4 - Beyoncé (US)

Must hear: The whole thing from beginning to end. Repeatedly until it clicks and you accept Beysus into your heart.

I've already reviewed Beyoncé's game-changing masterpiece, ranted about it incessantly on Twitter and debated its virtues with Cameron Adams at a random pub in Melbourne - so I'll keep this short and sweet. "4" is the best album of 2011 because it had the audacity to turn its back on what's hot now and focus on making music that will stand the test of time. King B and her cannily selected team of experts returned to the roots of R&B to create something innovative yet strangely old-fashioned. Bey wrote what is essentially a love letter to Jay Z with heavy percussion, driving drums and staccato horns, while your fave waited for Dr. Luke to boot his computer. Take a fucking seat.

The 20 Worst Singles Of 2011

2012-01-02T19:35:00.009+11:00

I don't know if it's good luck to kick off a new year of blogging by wallowing in the worst that the previous 365 days had to offer. But fuck it, here goes. Most of the usual suspects are present but a couple of my faves like Vanessa Amorosi and Chris Brown also made the cut. I guess it just proves that everyone makes a shit song occasionally. The following twenty artists just did it better than most. Let me know what you think of my picks in the comments. I'm sure I forgot a bunch of stinkers but these are plenty bad enough!

20. Club Rocker - Inna Feat. Flo Rida (Audio)

I love Inna's Eurotrash anthems and quite like the original version of "Club Rocker" but tacking on a phoned-in Flo Rida rap in a desperate bid for American success drags this cheap and cheerful floorfiller into the dusty dumpster of popular music. Better luck next time, bitch.

19. When We Stand Together - Nickelback (Video)

It's easy to hate Nickelback. They make middle-of-the-road rock that hasn't evolved in a decade and boast the ugliest frontman in musical history but I'm not going to pretend I don't have a couple of their tracks on my iPod. However, their latest single is fuel for the haters. Trite lyrics and a cheesy chorus that Train would roll their eyes at make this a stinker for the ages.

18. S&M - Rihanna (Video)

The world's most famous victim of domestic violence records a song about the joys of being whipped and chained, putting feminism back 30 years. Thanks, RiRi.

17. International Love - Pitbull Feat. Chris Brown (Video)

Pitbull joining forces with Breezy should have been a good thing. At least in theory. So why does their collaboration basically consist of the duo yelling city names against a generic club beat that sounds like it was stolen from an Adrienne Bailon demo?

16. Oh Oh Oh Oh - Anthony Callea (Video)

Time to re-release "The Prayer" and hope for the best.

15. Let's Go To Vegas - Doll Phace Feat. Snoop Dogg (Video)

I love this mess for all the wrong reasons. Doll Phace makes an even less convincing pop star than she did a music mogul, the song sounds like something Mya rejected in the late '90s and Snoop's bored rap makes his legendarily awful contribution to "Get 'Em Girls" sound like Kanye West on "American Boy". Cult status awaits this memorable flop.

14. It's Alright - Kim Wilde (Video)

Poor Kim. Menopause has clearly fucked with her brain.

13. Hold It Against Me - Britney Spears (Video)

Why would you release this embarrassment to popular music when you had "Til The World Ends" and "I Wanna Go" in the can? From Britney's comatose vocal to the bad pun in the chorus, everything about "Hold It Against Me" is tired and pathetic. The album might have actually stood a chance if this ended up on a Kristine W album - where it belongs.

12. Fight For You - Jason Derulo (Video)

Jason Derulo rapes Toto's "Africa" in the year's most inappropriate bastardisation of an '80s classic. I guess someone forgot to tell JR Rotem's meal ticket that his latest upbeat club-banger is built around a song about starving children. Classy.

11. Born This Way - Lady Gaga (Video)

I don't really care that Lady Gaga stole the whole concept of "Born This Way" from Madonna. I can almost forgive Mother Monster for appointing herself the official spokesperson for GLBTI rights. But I can't overlook the fact it's a poorly constructed pop song with a tepid chorus, clumsy production and cringe-worthy lyrics. The beginning of the end.

10. Get It - Havana Brown (Video)

I got into all kinds of hot water when I reviewed "Get It" back in September. Which is stupid because I'm down with Havana. I just don't think shouting "get it, get it, get it" over the cheapest Eurobeat this side of Kiev constitutes pop music. Neither did radio or the Australian public, as it turns out.

9. Fly - Nicki Minaj Feat. Rihanna (Video)

In 2001 Gwen Stefani and Eve landed a knock-out punch for girl power with their still killer "Let Me Blow Ya Mind". Ten years later Onika and Rih-fund wandered around a crashed plane like a pair of low-rent clowns singing a clumsy self-empowerment with shit lyrics like "I wish today it would rain all day". I can't think of a more shocking illustration of how far the bar for urban/pop collaborations has been lowered.

8. Champagne Showers - LMFAO Feat. Natalia Kills (Video)

I guess it was only a matter of time before a song about taking a truckload of cum on your face hit the mainstream.

7. Gossip - Vanessa Amorosi (Video)

"Can't find my phone" is the single most embarrassing moment in Australian music history. What the fuck was Ness Ness thinking? My fave was on such a roll after "Hazardous" but this career-killer has kicked the poor bitch back to the RSL circuit. I hope the person responsible for choosing this travesty as a single is now working at McDonalds.

6. The Day You Went Away - Delta Goodrem (Live at ARIAs)

That cunt from Neighbours ruined Wendy Matthews' signature tune at the ARIAs with her sub-par vocals and then had the nerve to release it as a digital single to pay for her latest nose job. Avoid at all costs.

5. The Hardest Ever - will.i.am Feat. Mick Jagger and Jennifer Lopez (Video)

With a combined age of 375, the likelihood of these sad has-beens delivering something relevant was slim but I don't think anybody expected "The Hardest Ever" to be this terrible. On the bright side, will.i.am's latest bid for solo glory is over before it began. Maybe he can finally get cracking on Fergie's next album. You know, something that people actually want to hear.

4. Wet The Bed - Chris Brown Feat. Ludacris (Audio)

This song is not about incontinence. Think about it.

3. Hurt - Leona Lewis (Live on X Factor)

I almost feel sorry for the Sphinx. Her time is up and she knows it. "Glassheart" is destined for bargain bins - if it gets released at all - and a future of catering to the gays for pocket money awaits. This horrendous destruction of "Hurt" is a final bid at appealing to the housewives that bought "Bleeding Love" in droves but unfortunately they have moved on to Adele. Ciao, Leona! It's been real.

2. Just (The Tip) - Plies Feat. Jeremih and Ludacris (Audio)

Oh joy. A romantic slow jam about pressuring your lady into anal sex. Don't worry, girls - Plies just wants to use the tip! I wonder if they'll play this on Love Song Dedications With Richard Mercer.

1. All We Have - Natalie Bassingthwaigte (Below)

"On The Floor" as covered by a senior citizen with the help of the worst production team Australia has to offer.

The 10 Worst Albums Of 2011

2011-12-28T20:59:00.006+11:00

Putting together a list of the year's worst albums was a daunting task. It involved re-listening to a bunch of aural abominations on the off-chance I was too harsh the first time around. Like last year when I included Taylor Swift's "Speak Now" and then had egg on my face when I re-visited it a couple of months ago and decided that Tay Tay's mega-seller was actually a triumph. However, I'm confident that I haven't made the same mistake this year! All ten of these albums give music a bad name and should be avoided at all costs. If you think I've forgotten anything let me know in the comments. And for the record - there is no "Born This Way". It's not brilliant but I'll take 4 or 5 good songs over none any day.

10. Soy La Mejor - Malena Gracia

Malena is the Spanish equivalent of Samantha Fox - only with no hits. That doesn't stop the former Playboy model applying (unsuccessfully) to represent Spain at Eurovision every year or her ability to churn out inane dance music at an alarming rate. I usually worship the ground this icon walks on but "Soy La Mejor" is so horrendously bad that even I have to draw the line somewhere. This entire album sounds like it was recorded in one take on Malena's busted iPhone. Avoid at all costs.

9. Siberia - Lights

Sometimes I hate bloggers. Along comes a pretty girl with a canny stylist and a couple of decent electro-pop songs and suddenly she's the next Robyn. Wrong. I simply refuse to join the frenzied circle jerk over this dire Canadian flop. With the exception of "Toes" and "Banner", Lights' debut album is as pretentious and mind-numbingly boring as her name. Come back, Annie. All is forgiven!

8. Wonder World - Wonder Girls

This makes me sad. The Wonder Girls were always my favourite K-Pop act and I was pulling for them to make it big in America. But if you want to be a success outside of Asia, then you need to leave the gimmicks behind and make music that matches (or preferably exceeds) the current international standard. Instead, the Korean stunners release a bunch of songs that Girls Aloud would have rejected in 2007. There isn't a fresh or interesting idea to be heard on this stilted mess. Give me "Spice World" any day.

7. Secret Codes And Battleships - Darren Hayes

While "Bloodstained Heart" is undoubtedly one of 2011's better singles, the rest of this meandering mess is Rufus Wainwright-lite for tiresome homosexuals of a certain age that don't know better. It's not too late for that Savage Garden reunion...
6. Vows - Kimbra

Kimbra is the real deal. I know it and so does anybody else with ears. She has a great voice and knows how to write a killer pop song (see "Settle Down"). So can someone please explain why I can only make it through the Kiwi's much-hyped debut with the aid of Valium and half a bottle of wine? "Vows" reminds me of Bic Runga's "Birds" - only without the melodies and raw emotional connection. What you're left with is pretty enough but ultimately unengaging and completely forgettable.

5. Cinderella's Eyes - Nicola Roberts

A stinking pile of fake hipster shit that makes Nadine Coyle's Tesco-only smash sound like "The Fame". Give up while you're behind.

4. Snapshots - Kim Wilde

I love Kim. She is a legend and I'll keep importing her stunning German releases until she throws in the towel but there's no excuse for "Snapshots". This abomination finds the English diva destroying classic pop songs by the likes of East 17's ("It's Alright") and Tasmin Archer ("Sleeping Satellite"). The thing that annoys me the most is that this could have been enormous fun. Instead, the weird arrangements and sombre mood make this a truly depressing experience.

3. + - Ed Sheeran

Who anointed this ginger cunt the new James Blunt?

2. Lulu - Metallica & Lou Reed

I was forced to review this insane mess for my day job and the task still haunts me. If Lou Reed mumbling bad poetry over Metallica songs is your cup of tea, then knock yourself out. The rest of us will just pretend that "Lulu" never happened.

1. Talk That Talk - Rihanna

The She By Shereé of pop albums.

Jumpstart 2012 With New Luciana

2011-12-28T20:26:00.003+11:00

A couple of weeks ago I posted Luciana's new anthem and now the undisputed Queen of clubs has dropped the visual for "Jump" - just in time for your new year's eve party! I really love the song and think it could be the next "We No Speak Americano", so I'm happy the video is something of a blockbuster. Buildings receive major structural damage from a football and Luci appears on a vintage TV screen. That's about it but the finished product is a lot more exciting than I made it sound. I promise! To be honest, the concept is a bit of a mystery to me. Some choreography would have been nice but I guess clubbers would prefer to see CGI soccer balls while pinging these days. Anyway, check it out and download "Jump" from iTunes now. This is the perfect summer anthem!

La Toya Conquers Mexico

2011-12-20T18:28:00.007+11:00

Forget Beyoncé at the Billboard Music Awards. Ignore Adele at the Brits. The most accomplished live(-ish) performance of 2011 belongs to La Toya Jackson! Janet's prettier sister brought Mexico to a standstill last night when she graced the finale of La Academia - think X Factor on acid - with her legendary presence and raised the bar for popular music to previously unimagined heights by delivering a flawless mimed rendition of her 2004 top 20 US club smash "Just Wanna Dance".

I feel like I have been waiting my whole life to see empress Toy mouth the lyrics "shaking my ass with lots of class". And it was definitely worth the wait. Living up to her title as the world's sexiest woman, the ageless beauty drew gasps of adoration from the crowd when she appeared on stage with her gaggle of semi-competent dancers. The next four minutes flew by in a blaze of finger clicks, hip-shaking and exquisite miming that basically ended Britney' career then and there.

Make sure you stay tuned for the amazing post-performance interview in which La Toya claims to be the creative force behind Michael's "Don't Stop 'Til You Get Enough". I think we can all agree that Mexico got well and truly rocked!

The 20 Worst Videos Of 2011

2011-12-20T00:48:00.004+11:00

Now this was hard. 2011 was a great year for really, really bad videos. I feel like people have just given up and either recycle something that took their fancy on YouTube or go for shock tactics by stripping off. Or both if you're Kelly Rowland. To make matters worse, Australia appears to be the world leader in shitty clips. If it was hot ten years ago in America, chances are you got the local equivalent this year. Yay? Admittedly, it's not all doom and gloom. Some of these efforts are hilarious and I think the winning/losing clip is a work of comedic genius. Let me know what you make of my choices in the comments!

20. Collide - Leona Lewis (Video)

Nobody wanted to see this horse-faced cunt in a bikini.

19. Unicorn - Pattyboy (Video)

New Zealand's King of Pop/self-proclaimed male Lady Gaga has polluted YouTube with some truly shocking videos. However, he is trying harder to be less rubbish and "Unicorn" is a step in the right direction - albeit not a big enough one. The toilet-paper outfit, bad choreography and ridiculous marriage to himself earn Pattyboy a spot on this list.

18. What Do You Take Me For? - Pixie Lott Feat. Pusha T (Video)

I know that it's fashionable to hate Pixie but I think her album is stunning. Haters are clearly intimidated by her powerful pipes and flawless beauty. Or perhaps they just saw this stinker. Who decided it was a good idea to turn Miss Lott into the prissy, white Beyoncé - complete with pussy-poppin' hood video? Possibly the least convincing urban transformation of all time.

17. The Edge Of Glory - Lady Gaga (Video)

And the award for the year's most disappointing video goes to "The Edge Of Glory". This is perhaps the only song on "Born This Way" that really lends itself to a meandering, over-the-top production. Everything about Fernando Garibay's anthem is epic - from the massive chorus to the now iconic sax solo. I wanted to see Lady Gaga drive off a cliff on a pink motorcycle and then use the pearly gates as a stripper pole when she landed in heaven. Instead, we get the Germ dancing on a fire escape. That's it. Literally.

16. Super Soaker - Bombs Away (Video)

A boat full of rough bitches shake their tits for attention in this desperate bid to attract the lowest common denominator. Imagine the "Home Girls" section of Picture magazine come to life.

15. When I Think About Sex - Osvaldo Suppino (Video)

Osvaldo is to Italy, what Pattyboy is to New Zealand ie. an epically untalented homosexual, who has spent far too many hours watching Lady Gaga videos on YouTube. The result is a showcase of bad fashion - a bedazzled Lakers singlet? - and worse choreography. The lowlight is when the budding pop star has sex with himself. Gross.

14. Get Together - Marta Sanchez (Video)

I stan for Marta. The Spanish Madonna has been a desperate publicity whore since before your fave was born, so she deserves our respect. But she's not going to get it when she's dancing around the club like a mutton-dressed-as-lamb stripper in some of the least flattering outfits ever captured on film. The Catwoman mask kills me. Marta, it's not hiding those wrinkles. It just makes you look like a victim of early onset dementia.

13. Not My Daddy - Eva (Video)

Eva must have the hottest mouth in LA. That's the only explanation I can think of for her amazing ability to get a record deal in the first place - let alone a song written by Ke$ha and a remix featuring Gucci Mane. Unfortunately, the plus-sized diva didn't get quite enough cash for the video. Bad special effects combine with cheap outfits and Eva's nasty feet to make this offering memorably awful.

12. Marry The Night - Lady Gaga (Video)

The time has come for Lady Gaga to take a year off. She is starting to suffer from diminishing returns both commercially and artistically. If you need proof look no further than "Marry The Night". It flopped miserably around the world and boasts perhaps her worst video yet. This self-indulgent vanity project is almost unwatchable. I enjoy the choreography towards the end but until someone edits it down to 5 minutes, I can't be bothered sitting through it again.

11. Lay It On Me - Kelly Rowland (Video)

You know, if Ms Kelly needs to act like a prostitute to sell records - then so be it. I love "Motivation" and think she looked incredibly sexy in the video. But let's just say lightning didn't strike twice. This scene-by-scene remake of Livvi Franc's "Now I'm That Bitch" is embarrassing. Kelendria looks like a man from certain angles and the onslaught of phallic imagery turns the clip into a parody. On the bright side, it's still a hot song.

10. The Reckoning - The Getaway Plan (Video)

You know your career is running on empty when you have to murder children to get attention.

9. Hold It Against Me - Britney Spears (Video)

What an horrendous way to launch a new album! This tragic mess highlighted everything that's wrong with Britney circa 2011 - the dead look in her eyes, her seeming inability to move and a palpable desperation to remind fans of former glories. No wonder "Femme Fatale" is yet to go Copper in most territories.

8. Radioactive - Brandon Hilton (Video)

If you thought Pattyboy and Osvaldo were sent straight from the bowels of hell, wait 'til you get a look at Brandon Hilton. The aspiring web celebrity turns delusion into an artform on "Radioactive". From the Gaga-lite fashion to Brandon's unfortunate facial expressions, everything about this video is cheap and overwhelmingly nasty.

7. Raining Diamonds - Ricki-Lee (Video)

Why are Australian videos so atrocious? "Raining Diamonds" is such an anthem and deserved an epic video to showcase Ricki-Lee's sexy new figure. Instead, she looks like an admittedly thin fool in this tacky trainwreck. The Barbarella-on-a-budget costumes are as ridiculous as they are unsuited to the lyrics - which I interpret as a mantra not to settle for second best in relationships. Don't even get me started on that cheap set and the plastic guns. This clip is so bad it momentarily made me long for Ricki-Lee's underrated fat phase.

6. 25/8 - Mary J. Blige (Video)

Speaking of great songs with shit videos, here's Mary J. Blige's hot mess "25/8". I honestly don't know what the director was thinking. Did he or she even listen to the song before deciding to stick the iconic diva in a room full of broke-down dancers in a twisted bid to re-create Kelly Rowland's awful "Commander" visual?

5. We Love - Sneaky Sound System (Video)

I wonder how the pitch for this national embarrassment went: "Imagine Miss Connie on a pedestal dressed as Marilyn Monroe - only we'll make her up to look like a sweaty mess, complete with a shiny face and smudged make-up. Then we'll have a couple perform random sex acts, you know, classy shit involving anal-beads. Only when the lights come on they're doing really innocuous things like cleaning the house! Amazing, right?"

4. Inescapable - Jessica Mauboy(Video)

Poor Jessica. I really don't understand how someone so pretty in real-life always looks like the before photo on What Not To Wear in her videos. And this lazy effort is heinous even by her low standards. What's with that fucking turban? "Inescapable" is probably the best Australian pop song of 2011 but the only nice thing I can say about this clip is that's an improvement on "Get Em Girls".

3. Fly - Nicki Minaj Feat. Rihanna (Video)

Onika and Rih-cycle wander around a plane crash in couture outfits looking like Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee on the set of Lost. The only this missing is Tyra Banks demanding more broken doll poses in this horrendous four minute episode of America's Next Top Model for low-rent whores.

2. All We Have - Natalie Bassingthwaighte (Video)

"All We Have" will go down in history as the Australian filmmaker's guide for what not to do in a music video. Everything about it is embarrassing. I could go on about the lame concept and bad lighting but the clip's biggest sin is making the star of the show look ridiculous. Natalie Bassingthwaigthe resembles an extra from Cocoon squeezed into a dress Lady Gaga rejected during The Fame era. It's not flattering and made worse by the fact she's surrounded by dancers young enough to be her grandchildren. American directors still make Madonna look good and she's a couple of minutes older than Nat - so why can't local talent do the same?

1. Liar Boy - Cindy and Sheila Rhyme (Below)

This was tough. I couldn't decide whether to crown "Liar Boy" the best or worst video of 2011. On the one hand, I'm here for these iconic divas and immediately downloaded their future pop classic from iTunes after seeing the clip. On the other hand, words cannot adequately describe how awful this is. Bad teeth, worse outfits, shocking dance moves and the dodgiest editing in recent memory make "Liar Boy" the most heinous (and hilarious) clip of the year.

The 25 Best Videos Of 2011

2011-12-18T00:14:00.003+11:00

In 2011 music videos can be separated into three distinct categories - big budget extravaganzas, cheap label-funded clips and do-it-yourself efforts. Not that price is an indication of quality. You can spend millions and still end up with an unforgivable turkey like "Marry The Night". For me, it's all about coming up with something original that suits the song. That could be a coked-up secretary dancing in front of a filing cabinet or a superstar made to look like an extra from Cocoon. The common factor being that I got the urge to go back and watch that shit all over again - obviously for very different reasons. Listed below are my 25 favourite videos of the year. Let me know what I overlooked in the comments.

25. Put Your Hands Up - Kylie (Lyrics Video)

I'd rather read Kylie's stunning lyrics than see your favourite basic bitch strut her stuff in a glossy video. The end.

24. Chinese Walk - Amanda Lear (Video)

Want to see an almost 70-year-old disco legend transform into a young Asian beauty? Well, look no further than "Chinese Walk"! Amanda Lear nailed this half-animated visual extravaganza. It's effective and extremely pretty. Proof that a good idea and competent execution can overcome the smallest of budgets.

23. I'm Still Hot - Luciana (Video)

Luciana told me this high-camp clip was inspired by '80s drag/pop sensation Divine and I'm sure John Waters' favourite gal would approve of the end-result if she were still alive. Basically, the Queen of electro wakes up from a bender and walks around the desert carrying a boombox on her shoulder. We've all been there.

22. Sexy And I Know It - LMFAO (Video)

What can I say? I like watching Redfoo shake his junk!

21. God Sent Me Here To Rock You - Naomi Elizabeth (Video)

Naomi Elizabeth's exquisite self-made visual is better than Lady Gaga's entire videography. From the diva's stunning choreography in front of the filing cabinet she clearly spends her days maintaining to the not-quite-couture outfit she wears in the garden, this is pure gold.

20. Cherubino's Aria - Adya & Geisha (Video)

I'm pretty sure the director of this clip took way to much LSD in the '70s.

19. Gucci Gucci - Kreayshawn (Video)

Kreayshawn and V Nasty make a spectacle of themselves on the street. That's it. Literally. The thing is - "Gucci Gucci" is so full of life. There's no stupid set-up or styling. It's rough and real and better than anything Onika will make in her entire career.

18. Party - Beyoncé (Video)

Sometimes Bey has a tendency to over-think things. Unlike your gutter-ho fave, she's always trying to lift her game to previously unimagined heights and that can backfire on her. This time around she kept it simple. After Googling "poor people pool party" on her diamond encrusted laptop, King B knew what she had to do - hire a trailer park, let Solange out of the dungeon and call up her girl Kelly. The rest is YouTube history.

17. Friday - Rebecca Black (Video)

The most successful viral video in history is a work of unintentional comedic genius. You couldn't have scripted this epic trainwreck. From the hilariously bad graphics to the dumb look on Becky's face and a cameo from the world's shadiest rapper, everything that could go wrong did go wrong. Only instead of making it unwatchable, those flaws made "Friday" an instant cult classic that will enjoyed by drunk internet-users for decades to come.

16. Lonely Lisa - Mylène Farmer (Video)

Ballet dancers, sunbeds in the desert and France's answer to Madonna make "Lonely Lisa" an unforgettable experience. Great song too.

15. Big Bad Wolf - Duck Sauce (Video)

The protagonists in this warped masterpiece have a second head where their reproductive organs should be. I still can't decide if I'm turned on or disgusted.

14. Drop It Low - Kat DeLuna (Video)

Queen Kat brings the choreography - and safety helmets - in one of the year's best dance videos.

13. Midnight In Berlin - Barb@zul (Video)

Spain's hottest bear-band finally got around to releasing the sequel to their 2010 internet hit "I Don't Care". That blockbuster was something of a gay soap opera, which ended with Laz dumping Juan for messing around with another man. In the sequel the boys move to Berlin and enter the adult entertainment industry. I think.

12. Pon Pon Pon - Kyary Pamyu Pamyu (Video)

Japan's hottest Harajuku girl dresses up as a toddler, dances around like a possessed oompa loompa in a room full of creepy toys and vomits eyeballs. Could your fave?

11. Wonderland - Natalia Kills (Video)

I had such high hopes for Natalia Kills when I saw her dark and twisted "Wonderland" video. She cleverly re-imagines a bunch of classic fairytales with a distinctly gothic twist. The cinematography and styling is spot on and I love the use of extreme gore in a pop video. How did she morph into such a pathetic Gaga wannabe? Sad.

10. White Nights - Oh Land (Video)

Charming isn't an adjective I'd use to describe a lot of music videos but that's the first word that comes to mind when I think of Oh Land's lovely "White Nights" visual. The Danish singer presents us with a quirky dreamscape in the clip, deftly jumping between surreal scenarios. I particularly love that the former ballerina finally gets to show us her graceful dance moves. Light up a joint and watch this on repeat.

9. Shake It, Shake It - INY (Video)

Korea's hood girlband leaves your faves for dead - literally - in this disturbing masterpiece. The riveting set-up finds the edgy beauties stealing iPods from unsuspecting schoolgirls. Unfortunately, they cross a gangster and spend the rest of the clip being chased around Seoul by a bunch of rapists. Thug life!

8. Move Your Body - Beyoncé (Video)

When she's not running the world, Bey is making sure your kids don't get fat by teaching them how to Dougie. You're welcome.

7. When The Night Falls - Chromeo Feat. Solange Knowles (Video)

Chromeo always deliver the goods but this kooky effort is one of their best. The Canadian dance pioneers spend the clip getting women pregnant with their magical instruments. That is until the ladies revolt and come after the hapless musicians. It's well-conceived, original and stars a Knowles. What more do you want?

6. The One That Got Away - Katy Perry (Video)

Here she is. Shady Katy. I'm surprised the video isn't jam-packed with subliminal messages instructing viewers to download the song from iTunes but maybe she's saving that for her seventh number one. As for the actual clip, I can't fault it. This is beautifully written, directed and acted. Most importantly, it's touching and effortlessly taps into the sentiment of the song. Well done.

5. Play With Me - Chloe Lattanzi (Video)

As a huge fan of her unreleased material, I almost fainted when I heard Chloe Lattanzi had finally unleashed her debut video. After almost a decade of false starts, Olivia Newton-John's amazingly talented but certifiably insane daughter introduced herself to the world by snorting drugs, self-mutilating and repeatedly committing suicide in "Play With Me". I have never been so proud!

4. Sure As Hell Not Jesus - Cosmo Jarvis (Video)

Cosmo stars as a pedophile priest with a Justin Bieber poster above his bed in this mini-movie. Need I say more?

3. Blow - Ke$ha (Video)

While Lady Gaga made 14 minute snoozefests and Rihanna tried to turn Trainspotting into a musical, K$ did something revolutionary. She had fun. "Blow" stands out like Khloe Kardashian's erection at a day spa with its irreverent dialogue and crazy special-effects. I love James Van Der Beek's cameo and the unicorn heads. Someone needs to offer Ke$ha a movie deal!

2. Midnight City - M83 (Video)

Just when you thought that the music video genre was all but dead M83 drop this achingly beautiful clip. "Midnight City" follows a group of kids with special powers who escape from their school/prison and wreak havoc. It's incredibly well done and suits the song perfectly. Make sure you check this out if you haven't already.

1. Run The World (Girls) - Beyoncé (below)

From the moment Bey rides past with her immaculate lacefront blowing in the wind like strands of freshly spun gold, you just knew that this was going to be epic. "Run The World (Girls)" might have used up the entire "4" era video budget in one hit but it was worth it. One minute it's a post-apocalyptic episode of America's Next Top Model, the next it's an African dance showcase. I love the emphasis the clip places on choreography. Who else but Beyoncé would dare to bring the Pantsula to the masses? Re-visit the video of the year below.

The 20 Shadiest Music Moments Of 2011

2011-12-17T00:02:00.002+11:00

Is it just me or was 2011 shadier than usual? It seems like every ho with a record deal was caught doing something underhand this year. Perhaps we're just more observant and unnecessarily criticise artists for playing the game. Or maybe the music business is so cut-throat at the moment that you need sticky fingers and a Teflon conscience just to get ahead. In any case, there were no shortage of examples to choose from when I put together my list of 2011's shadiest moments. I'm sure I forgot some essential acts of thievery and bad behaviour - so feel free to remind me in the comments.

20. Kylie's pop-up book debacle

Kylie announced the $199 "Goddess Edition" of her album way back in June. It's now December and still nowhere to be seen. It can't have been easy for Dannii to cut and paste each copy herself between takes on Australia's Got Talent but this whole debacle is starting to feel shadier than a rain forest.

19. Britney's tweets

And the award for the most obviously ghost-written Twitter belongs to Britney. Who do they think they're kidding? We all know Brit is too high on Xanax and Vicodin to stand without assistance, let alone regularly update her social media platforms with tightly-scripted content. Many artists have admin staff running their Twitter - I met the guy being paid to write Taylor Swift's tweets when I was in New York - but Britney's lack of involvement is so obvious that it crosses into shady territory.

18. Lady Gaga inventing Madonna's support

Now this was awkward. At the height of Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" controversy (ie. that it's a blatant "Express Yourself" rip-off), the deluded one went on the Jay Leno Show and proudly announced that Madonna sent her an email declaring her love for the song. Unfortunately, the 97-year-old pop icon's publicist denied the exchanged ever happened. How embarrassing!

17. Madonna's mad YouTube skillz

Madonna is the Queen of shade - probably because she sleeps in a crypt and only comes out at night to feed on male models. In the year's shadiest click of a button, the once popular singer rubbed more salt into Lady Gaga's wounds by uploading "Express Yourself" to her YouTube account - a move that was interpreted as a clear jab at Mother Monster.

16. Lady Gaga thanks Whitney Houston

The not-so-subtle feud between Madonna and Lady Gaga continued at the Grammys when the latter thanked Whitney Houston for inspiring "Born This Way" - despite the fact that it sounds like everything Madge recorded in the '80s thrown into a blender. Acknowledging the pop legend's biggest rival was a particularly shady touch.

15. Kelly Rowland releases a greatest hits album - with no hits

Girl, please.

14. Rihanna's bargain bundles

While Katy Perry's price-rigging on iTunes generated loud criticism across the blogosphere, Rihanna's "buy my last album, get my new single for free" deal was inexplicably given a pass. By everyone but me.

13. Beyoncé's "Countdown" choreography

King B stole ten seconds of a dance routine from a random Belgian ballet in her iconic "Countdown" video and faced the wrath of the original choreographer. While I'm usually down with Bey's stunning homages, this particular example was more specific and detailed than usual. It's a clever reference and works brilliantly in the clip but someone could have cleared it with Teresa before the ungrateful bitch went ballistic.

12. Rico Love's beat recycling

It's a common dilemma - a song blows up and everyone wants a piece of the action - but how many times can Rico Love recycle Kelly Rowland's "Motivation"? First came Melanie Fiona's awesome "4am" and now Mary J's equally good "Mr Wrong". Ryan Tedder and RedOne have been doing it for years but this shit is still super shady regardless of the original's quality.

11. Britney's body double

Anyone with eyes can tell that Britney didn't dance in "Hold It Against Me" - I'm convinced her stand-in was actually a man! - but she vehemently denied it. The same accusations were made about Brit's "Til The World Ends" video but this time she was proven to be a shady liar when photos of her body double performing choreography surfaced online. Worst yet is using a body double to make out with her real-life boyfriend in her aptly-titled "Criminal" video. That goes beyond shady into the realm of totally fucked-up.

10. Onika's age

Nicki Minaj is possibly the oldest person nominated for a Best New Artist Grammy in the Award's history. Earlier this year, her cover was blown when a police report outed her as being 28 years old. Until then the poor man's Lil Kim had listed her age as 26. Whoops.

9. Lana Del Ray's entire career

I love Lana Del Slay. She is my new obsession and I still play "Video Games" on repeat. But all this crap about making her own videos and being discovered on YouTube is hard to swallow. This has been a carefully orchestrated exercise in record label shadiness from the beginning. And you know what? It worked. So now she can stop pretending that she does everything from catering to injecting her lips with filler between takes on her self-funded, self-directed and self-styled videos. Something in the tea ain't clean!

8. Flo Rida and Leona Lewis rip off Avicii

Avicii really needs to get a copyright lawyer on retainer. First Leona Lewis steals the Swede's hit instrumental "Penguin" for her gigantic flop "Collide" and then Flo Rida pilfers "Levels" for "Good Feeling". If nothing else all this shadiness has raised the DJ's profile and made him the go-to producer for singers that can't afford David Guetta

7. Jeff Bhasker trashing "Motivation"

Everyone should be able to express their own opinion on Twitter but there was something distinctly shady about the producer behind some of the hottest cuts on Beyoncé's "4" trashing Kelly Rowland's "Motivation" - particularly when Rico Love's production was riding high at #1 on the R&B chart at the time and Bhasker's efforts were getting a lot less love.

6. Kelly Rowland's recycled videos

Sarah Chatfield proved to be the music industry's greenest director when she recycled two videos for Ms Kelly. "Lay It On Me" was a scene-by-scene remake of Livvi Franc's "Now I'm That Bitch", while "Down For Whatever" re-visited Wynter Gordon's "Believer". I'm not sure where the blame lies but this is seriously shady. It's one thing to take an idea and make it better but this was just lazy.

5. Beyoncé's BBMA performance

I have never seen anything like King B's 2011 Billboard Music Award performance. That was next level shit that made your tired fave look like a dusty typewriter in comparison to Bey's shiny, new laptop. But it doesn't change the fact that elements were taken from a previous performance by Lorella Cuccarini. As it turns out the Queen of soul, pop and probably country (if she put her mind to it), hired the Italian singer's producers to re-create the technology - so she can hardly be accused of stealingit. The shadiness results from tarnishing such an iconic moment by using an old idea - regardless of whether she improved on it (she did) or not.

4. Lady Gaga's "Judas" debacle

Mother Monster's sticky fingers worked over time this year. Not only did she blatantly steal "WannaBE" from Loli Lux - using the sexy DJ's exact beats on "Judas" - but she then stole the video concept from Brandy! The similarities to that diva's "Afrodisiac" clip - also choreographed by Laurieann Gibson, funnily enough - are uncanny.

3. Rihanna rapes David LaChappelle's artistic legacy

In a bid to spread her creative wings Rihanna decided to co-direct her "S&M" video. So the Barbadian bonehead flipped through a book of David LaChappelle's photos and basically stole his entire aesthetic. He had the last laugh when she had to cough up the big dollars to keep it out of court. You would have thought Rih-cycle would have learned from stealing M.I.A.'s "Boyz" video concept for "Rude Boy". Shady lady.

2. Katy Perry's price-rigging

I kind of love Katy Perry's creative antics (iTunes discounts, celebrity videos and completely unnecessary remixes) to rack up number one hits in America but it is shady. Can't she just be proud of landing six top 10 hits from the one album? That's an insane achievement! I'm not sure if losing all credibility to squeeze out another couple of chart-toppers is really worth it. Having said all that, I really hope "The One That Got Away" makes it to number one just to annoy everyone!

1. Lady Gaga's 99 cent album deal

The majority of these entries have been tongue-in-cheek. I don't care that Nicki Minaj is a couple of weeks away from menopause and Bey can copy as many Belgian flops as she likes. However, Mother Monster's 99 cent album deal crossed all kinds of lines. At a time when illegal downloading has all but killed the music industry, Lady Gaga gave the year's most highly-anticipated album away for free. Or near enough. If people didn't think mp3s were worthless before, they sure do now. And for what? To get a bogus first week sales record? So lame, so shady, so Gaga.

What Elen Levon & Israel Cruz Did Next

2011-12-14T23:50:00.003+11:00

It's been a while since we heard new music from Elen Levon and Israel Cruz. The rising Australian pop stars, who previously collaborated on "Naughty", have joined forces again for a new track called "Save My Life". Only this time Israel takes the lead, while Elen lends her powerful pipes to the chorus. The 17-year-old diva's management was quick to point out that their hard-hitting hip-hop anthem is just an interim single. It will only be serviced to The Edge (Sydney's leading urban radio station) and I'm not even sure if there will be a video. Both singers have official second singles due in late January/early February, so I guess this is just a little treat for patient fans. To be honest, I wasn't expecting much from "Save My Life" but it's a great little song that showcases the pair's versatility and vocal prowess. The inspirational track hits iTunes on December 29. After the belated success of "Party Up" - and a second wave of "Naughty" promotion on the way - it will be interesting to see how it does. Listen to an unmastered demo below and let me know what you think.

30 Best Album Tracks Of 2011

2011-12-14T02:07:00.003+11:00

Is 2011 really almost over? I feel like it flew by at double speed! Anyway, it's time to let my OCD run wild and put together my annual 'best of' lists. I thought I'd begin with something a bit different this year. Listed below are my 30 favourite album tracks - songs that really should have been released as singles but weren't either due to bad timing, lack of interest or sheer stupidity. I shied away from including gems from recently released triumphs like Kelegend's "Stronger" or Mary J's epic "My Life II" because I'm still hopeful my faves will be sent to radio. Instead, I focused on albums that have more or less finished their run or, in some cases, are awaiting a re-release. There's no real science to this, so take it with a grain of salt. Here goes!

30. Starting Over - Jennifer Lopez (Listen)

Album: Love?

The words "uneven mess" spring to mind when I think of Jenny's comeback album but it does harbor a couple of gems. My favourite non-single has to the Wynter Gordon-penned mid-tempo ballad "Starting Over". This is the perfect fit for J.Lo's restricted vocal range and the lyrics bring an unusually adult perspective to the end of a relationship. Kudos to Danja for actually trying to make the song sound like it was recorded after 2007 - unlike the vast majority of the album!

29. What's A Girl Supposed To Do - Nikki Jean (Listen)

Album: Pennies In A Jar

For someone who was briefly hailed as the next big thing, Nikki Jean came and went with little fanfare. It's a shame because her quirky debut is jam-packed with great tunes. Any number of songs could have made this countdown but I keep coming back to "What's A Girl Supposed To Do". This breezy piece of retro-pop perfection was co-written by the legendary Jeff Barry (Ike and Tina's "River Deep, Mountain High" and The Monkees' "I'm A Believer" to name but two) and it's not an embarrassment to his legacy. High praise indeed.

28. Run - Jessica Mauboy (Listen)

Album: Get Em Girls (Re-Release)

J. Malley hooks up with the producer behind Heidi Montag's "Superficial" album. Lightning strikes twice.

27. Trip To Your Heart - Britney Spears (Listen)

Album: Femme Fatale

With the exception of the heinous "Hold It Against Me", Britney got the singles right this time. The rest of the album is as vacant as the heavily-medicated diva's stare but I have a soft spot for "Trip To Your Heart". This sounds like a reject from "Oops!... I Did It Again" and I mean that as a compliment. It's nice to hear Brit return to the innocent, bubblegum-pop of her hey day. A late fifth single maybe?

26. I'm Not Leaving - Sneaky Sound System (Not uploaded to YouTube)

Album: From Here To Anywhere

I love Sneaky's new album. It's a master class in constructing a cohesive electro-pop opus but - apart from the exquisite "Big" - there aren't a lot of viable singles. That makes the decision not to release "I'm Not leaving" all the more perplexing. This is the big gay anthem that could set fire to the clubs and actually be played on the radio. Think Whitney meets Kylie for some idea of the track's greatness.

25. You Will Be Mine - Lenka (Listen)

Album: Two

Australia's indie-pop princess embraced synths on her sophomore album. She couldn't give it away with a free copy of "21" but I fully approved of her move towards the dancefloor. Particularly, the icily beautiful "You Will Be Mine". Guy Sigsworth (Madonna, Britney and Robyn) knows how to craft a killer pop song and Lenka's quirkiness brings out the best in him. Perhaps the album would have shifted plastic if this was sent to radio instead of the title track. Who knows? It's a chart-topper in my book.

24. Springsteen - Eric Church (Listen)

Album: Chief

Apart from being the sexiest man in music, Eric Church also delivered one of the best albums of 2011. "Chief" is the country equivalent of cock-rock. You know, songs about drinking too much and get getting into trouble with the law. It's great from beginning to end but "Springsteen" stands out as the highlight. Given the snail's pace of country music releases, I'm still hopeful this will be a single. The nostalgic anthem is the crossover track that Eric needs to mix it up with the likes of Lady A and Jason Aldean. I can't recommend this highly enough.

23. Cut Straight To The Heart - Sophie Ellis-Bextor (Listen)

Album: Make A Scene

This delicately crafted synth-ballad reminds me of Sophie's 2003 anthem "Nowhere Without You" - AKA the best single she never released. Unfortunately, history repeated itself and the song is destined to be forgotten by everyone except the handful of desperate MAGs that bought her album. How depressing.

22. Heartbreak Down - P!nk (Listen)

Album: Greatest Hits... So Far!

There was a time when I would cut a bitch for bad-mouthing P!nk. "Try This" ruled my world for most of 2003-2004 and I stayed loyal until she re-released "I'm Not Dead" under the new title of "Funhouse" in 2009. Anyway, my point is that I was pretty much done with Alicia until I heard "Heartbreak Down" on her GH. Butch Walker beats Dr Luke at his own game with his slick production and the lyrics pack a deceptively strong punch. I hear you, sister!

21. The Moon's A Harsh Mistress - Rumer (Not uploaded to YouTube)

Album: Slow (B-Side)

I avoided Rumer for as long as I could but eventually gave in and listened to "Seasons Of My Soul". The English chanteuse sounds eerily similar to Karen Carpenter - so I was basically sold immediately. Any number of tracks should have had Adele-esque success but the balladeer stayed underground. At least in this country. I put it down to the fact that she looks like an extra from Cell Block H. As for "The Moon's A Harsh Mistress" - the B-Side to single "Slow" - Karen is resting her bony arse on a cloud in heaven, listening to this gorgeous cover on repeat.

20. Relapse - Zoë Badwi (Listen)

Album: Zoë

A little birdie told me that "Relapse" is far from Zoë's favourite track on her stunning debut but it pushes my buttons. Sounding like something Sirens could have recorded after putting the finishing touches to their classic Sara-Marie duet, this shot of Hi-NRG pop is more infectious than athlete's foot on a hot summer's day. It's also more radio-friendly than most of the album and would have lent itself to any number of risque video treatments - such as Zoë lounging around in a white latex straight-jacket in a mental asylum. See, I thought of everything!

19. Fuck Him He's A DJ - Ke$ha (Listen)

Album: I Am The Dance Commander + I Command You To Dance: The Remix Album

Everything K$ touches turns to gold - including this three-year-old demo she rescued from the recycle bin on her laptop to pimp out "I Am The Dance Commander". Could your fave?

18. Everybody Needs Love - Jennifer Hudson (Listen)

Album: I Remember Me

Jennifer Hudson's sophomore effort is one of 2011's most perplexing albums. It was bogged down by generic filler and ultimately doomed to failure by some of the craziest single choices in recent memory. BUT the misunderstood opus also boasts flourishes of unmistakable brilliance. Take this sublime Alicia Keys-penned disco anthem. Think of "Everybody Needs Love" as the fabulous sequel to Whitney Houston's "Million Dollar Bill". The song has everything - uplifting lyrics, gargantuan vocals and a funky groove that Loleatta Holloway would have been proud to call her own. Prepare to swoon.

17. Bad Kids - Lady Gaga (Listen)

Album: Born This Way

"Bad Kids" is the kind of music Lady Gaga should be making. It's experimental without sounding like a SNL parody and expertly taps into the near universal theme of teenage alienation. The splashes of '80s rock work surprising well against Fernando Garibay's cute beats and the chorus is something of a triumph. Most of all, I buy this Gaga. I'm sure people hated her at school (probably for being a pretentious cunt), so this track actually feels authentic. A rare commodity on "Born This Way".

16. Mama Hold My Hand - Aloe Blacc (Listen)

Album: Good Things

This is the "Someone Like You" for mama's boys with deep-seated emotional issues. As such, it pretty much destroys me every time I hear it.

15. I Love You - Avril Lavigne (Listen)

Album: Goodbye Lullaby

It boggles the mind that Max Martin and Shellback can churn out a seemingly endless stream of generic radio-hits for Britney but also manage to craft something as simple, pared-back and intrinsically Avril as "I Love You". There's not a bad song on "Goodbye Lullaby" (AKA the "4" of whiny guitar-pop albums) but this is definitely my favourite non-single. It's sweet, honest and just kind of washes over you in a very pleasant way with a minimum of fuss or bother.

14. Miles - Christina Perri (Listen)

Album: Lovestrong

I still can't decide if I love or hate Christina Perri. That stupid blond streak makes me want to slap her and "Jar Of Hearts" is absolutely ridiculous but I loved "Arms" and latched onto this cut from her uneven debut. "Miles" benefits from the guidance of the ever-reliable Greg Kurstin, who reigns in her love of bad metaphors and tendency to ramble. The result is an unusually perky mid-tempo love song with a suitably depressing twist. Please let this be her next single.

13. Dancin' Away With My Heart - Lady Antebellum (Listen)

Album: Own The Night

Country music made a huge impact on my iPod this year, with the all-conquering Lady Antebellum leading the charge. Not since the glory days of Shania Twain has an act walked the fine line between country and pop so effortlessly. I love every song on "Own The Night" but this nostalgic gem makes me melt. It was released as a pre-album promo single but surely a full release beckons? "For me you'll always be 18 and beautiful and dancin' away with my heart". Sigh.

12. Unbroken - Demi Lovato (Listen)

Album: Unbroken

As one third of this generation's holy trio of teen-pop icons (along with Selena and Miley), expectations were high for Demi's post-breakdown comeback. I missed the edgy pop-rock of her earlier albums at first but eventually came around to "Unbroken" and now recognise it as a future classic of "When The Sun Goes Down" proportions. It's hard to pick a favourite but the Leah Haywood-penned title-track definitely stands out as a future hit. This towering synth-pop anthem reminds me of Ricki-Lee's stunning "Raining Diamonds" - only with meaningful lyrics and an even better chorus.

11. Every Rose Has Its Thorn - Miley Cyrus (Listen)

Album: Can't Be Tamed

I know this was released in 2010 but I developed a whole new appreciation for "Can't Be Tamed" after her Australian tour in June. There were a lot of potential singles on that album but her cover of Poison's "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" could have been massive. This is such an improvement on the original and leads me to believe that a collection of '80s hair-rock anthems should be high on her 'to do' list.

10. All The Boys - Keri Hilson (Listen

Album: No Boys Allowed

How do you solve a problem like Miss Keri Baby? She is an embarrassment to the human race but I can't help but like her music. Take "All The Boys". This is one of the prettiest ballads in recent memory. I love the romantic sentiment and understated production. It's perfectly tailored to Keri's half-octave vocal range and ranks as a career highlight alongside "Knock Me Down" and "I Like".

9. Gone - Jennifer Hudson (Listen)

Album: I Remember Me

J Hud teams up with openly homophobic super-producer Polow Da Don for an epic re-make of Beyoncé's "Halo". There's no excuse for this not being a single. The mid-tempo ballad is irresistible radio fodder that shamelessly yanks at your heartstrings with its emotional lyrics and soaring, synth-drenched chorus. The line "Can you picture yourself getting older dear with someone else?" is particularly devastating. If Beyoncé and Kelly Clarkson ballads float your boat then check this out.

8. I Care - Beyoncé (Listen)

Album: 4

Speaking of King B, you didn't think I'd forget the 16-time Grammy winner/most successful artist of the millennium did you? I had to restrain myself from including every track from "4" and focus on the absolute highlights. One of the songs that grew on me more with each listen is the Jeff Bhasker-produced gem "I Care". This is a downright eerie pop song. The subject matter is unusually dark and destructive yet completely relatable. "I know you don't care too much but I still care" howls Bey against ominous beats and the year's quirkiest guitar solo. I feel her pain.

7. Still Getting Younger - Wynter Gordon (Listen)

Album: With The Music I Die

Wynter Gordon teams up with Australian electro-pop band Pnau for one of 2011's best dance anthems. This really is a marriage made in heaven. Winnie channels her inner-Donna Summer, while the producers take inspiration from "Fever"-era Kylie to deliver a knock-out punch. I know this was considered for the album's third single but was overlooked in favour of the admittedly fabulous "Buy My Love". Surely, there's still time for "Still Getting Younger" to have its moment in the sun? Discerning pop fans need this on their iPod.

6. Superman - Taylor Swift (Listen)

Album: Speak Now

"I watch Superman fly away, you got a busy day today" chirps Tay Tay annoyingly in this ridiculous piece of country-pop fluff. Listen, I'm not proud that this stunning bonus-track got lodged in my brain and refused to leave. After all, I have fully-formed boy parts and remember the '90s. But after months of fighting the urge to play this trash on repeat, I finally gave in. And you know what? I'm no longer ashamed. Team Taylor for the win!

5. Say Yes - Nicole Scherzinger (Listen)

Album: Killer Love

How many singles did my best friend Nicole release in 2011? 4 or 5? I've lost count. Most of them were solid choices but there's still no excuse for overlooking "Say Yes" - AKA the best RedOne song not stolen by Lady Gaga in 2011. Everything about this is epic. From the pleading chorus to Hitzinger's soaring vocal, this is top-notch pop and would have been massive.

4. End Of Time - Beyoncé (Listen)

Album: 4

I could, and probably will at some point, write a thesis about Beyoncé's bizarre choice of singles this era. The world just wasn't ready for next-level pop like "Run The World (Girls)", while "Best Thing I Never Had" was a tad too safe by comparison but nothing sticks in my craw like the shocking failure to release "End Of Time". This was the album's big radio hit. A glorious pop anthem with a monster chorus drenched in brass and interesting beeps and bleeps courtesy of Diplo and Switch. I really hope Bey makes a video for this triumphant masterpiece after giving birth to baby Jayoncé - from her vagina because she's really pregnant, haters! - in the same way she knocked out a last-minute clip for "Why Don't You Love Me?" This game-changer deserves to be heard.

3. Hair - Lady Gaga (Listen)

Album: Born This Way

It really pains me to say nice things about Lady Gaga but "Born This Way" was worth the $0.99 for this song alone. "Hair" shits all over rubbish like "Marry The Night" and "Judas". RedOne's best non-Kat DeLuna production of 2011 should have been the lead single, followed by "Edge Of Glory" and then "Bad Kids" or that lame (but secretly amazing) song about unicorns. That would have made this era bearable. But back to "Hair". The craziest thing about this anthem is that people still think it's about follicles. Gaga is clearly using hair as a metaphor for freedom and identity - two themes that make the track both powerful and uplifting.

2. Burn - Clare Maguire (Listen)

Album: Light After Dark

Sounding like Sophie Ellis-Bextor's earthier, chain-smoking cousin, Clare Maguire made a lot of people sit up and take notice with "Light After Dark". Unfortunately none of the singles made a huge splash on the charts, which probably has something to do with the fact that the best song on the album was relegated to bonus track status. "Burn" is - hands down - one of the best pop songs of 2011. It's a beautifully written synth-pop anthem with an unusually wistful chorus that showcases Clare's powerful pipes. I've had this on repeat all year and still love it as much as the first time I heard it. Very highly recommended.

1. Schoolin' Life - Beyoncé (below)

Album: 4

The best album track of 2011 - by quite some margin - is "Schoolin' Life". Bey's educational anthem sums up everything I love about "4". It cleverly mixes influences from pop giants like Prince, Michael Jackson and La Toya to create something completely untamed and original. Which other major pop diva would dare to release a meandering retro-pop tune that hands out life advice against a bed of synths not heard since 1984? It's brave, different and completely uncommercial. Every line is quotable and I love the rich vein of humour that runs through the song. When all is said and done, I don't care that "4" is only the 7th highest selling album of 2011. My fave guided the masses to happiness and fulfilment in five incredibly catchy minutes. Yours had to run around naked in a field, singing generic trash to get a hit. I win. Bye.

Korean Pop God Covers Beyoncé

2011-12-12T23:01:00.002+11:00

King B is on something of a tear at the moment. The Grammys might have snubbed "4" but it has been praised in every year-end 'best of' list I've had the pleasure of reading (from Rolling Stone to MTV and BBC) and "I Was Here" has already bulleted to #168 on the iTunes pop chart in Australia. Could your fave? If you need further proof of Bey's world domination, check out this epic cover of "I Miss You" by Korean superstar Taeyang. The K-Pop god, who is better known as the hottest member of boyband Big Bang, uploaded his version of the Frank Ocean-penned ballad to YouTube earlier today and won immediate praise from fans. To be honest I was expecting the worst after witnessing the massacre of "Halo" at the hands of these K-flops in Sydney recently but this is great. Taeyang sounds amazing. His pronunciation is spot on and he gets that less is more with this composition. It's clear that Beyoncé runs Korea too. You will deal.

Ke$ha Revolutionises Hip-Hop With Sleazy Remix

2011-12-12T22:40:00.006+11:00

Ke$ha has been quiet for the past couple of months but she's gearing up to squirt her glitter gun all over your Christmas lunch with an era-defining remix of "Sleazy". The hard-hitting urban hitmaker has roped in some of her equally edgy friends to give the track a radical makeover. Lil Wayne, T.I., Wiz Khalifa and Andre 3000 have all shot their loads over the future Yuletide classic - so expect lyrical bliss. Some fans are not impressed but I think this is a genius move. K$ has already conquered pop music, so she might as well steal Nicki Minaj's bargain-basement wig while she's at it. The 30 second preview (below) doesn't give much away but it's clearly a game-changing anthem and I know you will all be online at midnight to download "Get Sleazier" from Aus iTunes on Decemeber 14. Make sure to gift the track to your nearest and dearest. This is the flawless gem your niece, nephew, children and/or grandparents have been waiting for!

EDIT: Listen to the full version below. AMAZING!!!

International Diva Update

2011-12-11T15:26:00.004+11:00

With the end of the year looming and my annual 'best of' festival on the horizon, I thought I should try to cover as much music as possible before being completely swamped. So here are three posts rolled into one! And happily, there's even a common theme - all of these exquisite divas sing in a foreign language and were born some time around the discovery of electricity. The first track that you need to hear belongs to 50-year-old pop icon Mylène Farmer. "Du Temps" is the lead single from her latest greatest hits compilation and, as you would expect from the French Madonna, it's completely age-inappropriate dance trash. I am still obsessed with Mylène's "Bleu Noir" album but I feel that this is something of a disappointment. Don't get me wrong. It's a lot of fun but the darkness and beauty of her recent work is missing. I guess a bitch can't be deep and meaningful all the time! Anyway, the video finds the ageless Queen of clubs struggling to do bad choreography - so it's completely defining. Please tell me this will be released physically in France because my Mylène collection needs a new addition.

Next up is Mexican pop icon Paulina Rubio. I really can't believe I haven't featured this stunning goddess on my blog before now. After all, she's been one of my faves since "Don't Say Goodbye" became an unexpected top 20 Australian hit way back in 2002. Since then she's been busy ruling the Latin pop scene and took some time out to start a family. The 40-year-old stunner clearly has her eye on Belinda's Mexican pop crown because she roped in the big guns for her new single. "Me Gustas Tanto" was produced by RedOne and sounds like something Kat DeLuna recorded in 2007. Yes, it's that amazing! I love every second of this hot mess and think it should be a worldwide number one smash. If only she spent as much money on the video. Basically, Pau wears a couple of really bad wigs and looks like she fell into a vat of glitter. You just know Thalia is currently watching the clip on repeat in a jealous rage!

Last and least, is flawless Ukrainian pop diva Kamaliya. Her biggest claim to fame is winning the 2008 Mrs World contest - basically a flop beauty pageant for middle-aged married women! I'm sure she slayed the field. After all, she bears a striking resemblance to Stifler's mum. But I digress. "Crazy In My Heart" was supposed to Kamaliya's all-conquering UK debut but something tells me it didn't work out because I'm yet to see her on any chart. Her website proudly boasts that the song was remixed by Digital Dog and Buzz Junkies, so hopefully it becomes a club smash. To be honest, I kind of love it. Most Eurovision contestants would draw the line at releasing something this camp! The video is even more over the top. She rolls around in water and wears the rattiest black wig this side of Bankstown. In other words, it's an era-defining masterpiece. Watch in awe below.

I Can't Believe I Love A Band Called Snakadaktal

2011-12-11T01:18:00.002+11:00

My favourite song at the moment belongs to a five-piece band from Melbourne called Snakadaktal. Ok, let's just get this out of the way - WORST NAME EVER. To make matters worse, it's apparently an amalgamation of the words snake and pterodactyl. Which is just stupid because snakes have two doodles and pterodactyls only had one hole. I think. So how are they supposed to reproduce? While you contemplate that mind-bending dilemma, let's return to their music. "Air" is one of the best songs of 2011. A delicately constructed indie-pop anthem that deftly borrows elements from fellow aural LSD-purveyors MGMT and Empire Of The Sun, the hypnotic track is an atmospheric triumph. You can almost feel the sunshine poking through a canopy of trees in an enchanted forest full of snakadaktals during the chorus. It's a brilliant debut that deserves to be massive. Make sure you check out the simple but effective smoke-filled video (below).

Shakira Just Annihilated Your Fave. Again.

2011-12-11T00:23:00.007+11:00

A single strand of Shakira's magical unwashed bed hair contains more talent and charisma than your fave's entire body. This scientifically-proven fact is more apparent that usual in the video for her latest single "Antes De Las Seis". Filmed live in Paris, the stunning visual finds the 33-year-old pop icon channeling her inner Adele. She delivers a flawless vocal, wringing every ounce of emotion out of an already glorious ballad. The quirky diva then snatches every wig in the game when she starts spinning around like a crazy gypsy at the 2:30 minute mark. As usual, the song is turning out to be a smash in her key markets. For an album that fizzled in the English-speaking world (and wasn't even released in Australia), "Sale El Sol" is racing towards 4 million copies sold worldwide according to her fansite. That sounds a little inflated to me but it underlines how popular Shakira still is in countries with good taste. I'm more excited than ever about her live CD/DVD. That era-defining opus can't get here quick enough!

White: The Melody Of The Curse - Review

2011-12-10T19:32:00.006+11:00

From The Host to Old Boy, South Korea has a rich history of producing great films. Unfortunately, White: The Melody Of The Curse isn't one of them. That's not to say the K-Pop themed horror movie isn't worth a look. I didn't know what to expect when Jacques from The Prophet Blog invited me over to watch the T-ara star vehicle but I guessed it would be something of a trainwreck. And I was right. Before getting on with the review, it's only fair to admit that I was completely baked when I sat down to enjoy this future Razzie winner. So some of the ensuing confusion could well have something to do with my impaired mental state rather than the bogus sub-titles and non-sensical plot twists. But I doubt it. Chances are White: The Melody Of The Curse is destined for bargain bins across Asia but if you think of it as the Korean Glitter, only with cursed wigs and haunted demo tracks, it suddenly becomes an essential addition to your DVD collection!

One of the great things about this exquisite work of art is the fact that it lifts the lid on the shady world of K-Pop. We're introduced to stunning Eun-Joo (Eunjeong from popular real-life girlband T-ara), who is part of a struggling band called Pink Dolls. They are total flops and get heckled every time they hit the stage. Think of them as the Korean Young Divas. Anyway, poor Eun-Joo also doubles as the band whore and thanks to her "sponsor", the girls get a second chance at success when he lets them stay his new studio. Instead of being grateful, the other members make fun of our plucky heroine for being an old slut who started out as a backing dancer. I feel that this is a highly accurate depiction of the K-Pop scene. All that false humility doesn't fool me for a second! But I digress. Eun-Joo stumbles across a demo called "White" in the studio and the band's manager decides that it's perfect for their next single. Cut to the Dolls taking the nation by storm. The scene (below) where they perform the song is so amazing you might just start crying and shaking uncontrollably. I love how they drive the dismissive crowd into a complete frenzy with their breathtaking choreography. T-ara could never!

Until this point I was riveted to my seat but when the directors (Kim Gok and Kim Sun) started introducing horror elements, the film descended into Z-Grade madness. It turns out that "White" is haunted. The girl who originally sang it died in a fire and she is intent on snatching wigs from beyond the grave. I love a gory death scene but the set pieces in White: The Melody Of The Curse are incredibly lame. One of the Dolls suffers heat exhaustion from hitting high notes in the studio (I wish I was making this up) and another becomes possessed and dances until she collapses. My favourite was the girl with the bleeding eyes who maintained that she was too pretty not to be in the middle. Diva! Instead of quitting while they're behind, the Pink Dolls obviously read the Sugababes' handbook for knifing your friends in the back and continue as a trio, then a duo and finally as a solo act.

It's only fair that Eun-Joo is the last member standing and she is convinced the curse is over after fucking her "sponsor" to discover the truth behind "White". I still don't understand the weak explanation but by this point I had been suspending my disbelief for so long, it didn't really matter. Unfortunately, Eun-Joo lets fame go to her head and fails to heed the warning signs - like talking mirrors, unexplained fires and ghost hands playing with her wig. That's what you get for not investing in a House of Dereon lacefront! I'm not going to give away the grand finale but the producers of The Ring should sue. There's even an amazing last minute twist that makes absolutely no sense. White: The Melody Of The Curse runs for a good 30 minutes longer than necessary and looses a lot of steam in the second half but cult classic status beckons. Watch the amazingly deceptive preview below.

Michelle Williams & The Worst Promo Campaign Of All Time

2011-12-09T17:16:00.006+11:00

I love Michelle Williams and fully support her bid to steal Kelly Rowland's UK dance crown but "On The Run" has failed to dent the charts over there at all. Poor Tenitra just can't win. I put it down to bad luck and the British public's bad taste in divas until I was directed to an exchange between one of the German DJs behind the track and a desperate Destiny's Child fan on a music forum. What I read made me literally laugh out loud for ten minutes and then shake my head for the rest of the day. Electric Giant Beatz has implemented the world's worst promotional campaign - basically, they are hoping to make the song a hit by not letting anyone hear it! I'm serious. How did Michelle get involved with these jokers? She's a massive (gospel) star and has all those DC millions in the bank. There's no excuse for this mess. Read the following exchange and weep.

DC34ever: where is the video?

Electric Giant Beatz: The video is already released and powerplayed in the UK (MTV and all other stations) We will not put the full length video on YouTube due to copyright reasons. Video will be available for purchase soon on itunes and all other download portals.

Then another fan stepped in to be the voice of reason.

JonathanGardnerTV: That's a shame, it would be great promo to have the full video up on YT. All the music websites, blogs? etc... would post on a new (full) music video.

Electric Giant Beatz: ? Yes great promo and nobody would buy the track anymore if it's been giving out for free on YouTube......

Start shaking your heads, DC fans. It gets worse.

JonathanGardnerTV: Most people who do illegally download music don't get it off YouTube...someone tends to buy the song and then upload it to somewhere like mediafire in HQ. Posting the videos to "We Found Love" or "E.T." on YouTube hasn't stopped those songs being big, strong-selling, international smashes.

Electric Giant Beatz: Yes but illegal will be illegal and giving it away for free in the first place doesn't make it any better.

JonathanGardnerTV: ...but you're not "giving it away" by posting the full music video. That's what YouTube's for... if someone's going to download illegally they will, regardless of whether the music video is on YouTube or not. I just feel that not posting it will hinder the success of the song somewhat. Everyone's expecting a video "debut" that's not going to happen.

Electric Giant Beatz: Video is released on all Music tv stations in the UK. It will be released in any other country shortly before commercial release. Promo without product makes no sense..... Sorry about that but our team is working literally day and night on the worldwide release right now.

Can I hear a big WTF? Nobody buys music that has been put on YouTube? I just can't. Someone really needs to tell this breaking news to Rihanna, Beyoncé, Lady Gaga and Katy Perry. They have been doing it wrong for all these years! And yet, they have hits while Michelle can't even reach the top 200 on UK iTunes. YouTube is an essential tool these days. You need teasers, lyric videos and full clips to keep the buzz growing. This is officially the dumbest approach to selling music I have ever heard. I'm surprised EGB even bothered sending the song to radio. What if someone recorded it? Sale lost! Enjoy the preview below. It's all you're going to see of "On The Run". What a wasted opportunity.

I Didn't Forget The Bass, I Sat On That Guy's Face!

2011-12-09T00:54:00.005+11:00

Margaret Cho is my idol. I'll never forget seeing one of her early stand-up shows in Sydney where she talked about experimenting with a gigantic butt-plug. At length. That story pretty much turned me off sex for life but it's impossible to hold a grudge against the woman who played Kim Jong-il on 30 Rock. As much as I stan for Maggie, I never got around to checking out her music. Mostly because I was terrified it would suck. Like Adam Sandler's. But "Baby I'm With The Band" found its way into my inbox a couple of weeks ago and I'm happy to say it's a complete revelation.

Yes, the song is piss-yourself funny but it's also a straight-up pop gem with a chorus that put puts out like the town whore. I can't get over how good Margaret sounds and the breezy production is so on-trend. Foster The People have officially lost their wig! The track is taken from the album "Cho Dependent", which features collaborations with Tegan and Sara, Fiona Apple and Ben Lee. I'm dying to hear saucy numbers like "My Puss" and "Gimme Your Seed". While I wait for the CD to arrive, I'm just going to keep watching "Baby I'm With The Band" (below) on repeat. What are waiting for?

Why I Approve Of Katy Perry's Shady Chart Tactics

2011-12-09T00:10:00.002+11:00

It's easy to forget that Katy Perry was a B-List pop star before "Teenage Dream". Her major label debut spawned a couple of big hits but the album failed to move huge numbers and she was dismissed by many as the poor man's Pink. How much difference a year has made! The 27-year-old is now arguably the biggest pop star on the planet. Her run of five consecutive number one US hits blows Rihanna and Lady Gaga out of the water, establishing "Teenage Dream" as a modern classic that will rank alongside "The Fame" and "I Am... Sasha Fierce" as an iconic game-changer. The only question mark over that stunning achievement is the way Mrs Brand snared her last chart-topper. There's no denying the popularity of the album's first four singles but Katy used every shady trick in the book to push "Last Friday Night (T.G.I.F.)" to the pole position. She made a blockbuster video, discounted the song on iTunes and released a completely unnecessary remix featuring Missy Elliot.

It was all very desperate but I was willing to turn a blind eye because 1) the song was brilliant and 2) it was already top 3 when Capitol started getting creative. The shady lady is back with the sixth flawless single from "Teenage Dream" and it easily landed in the top 10 with little help. But Team Perry is clearly not content with scoring 6 top 10 hits from the one album. They want to dance on Michael Jackson's grave by scoring another number one and the first step was discounting the Dr Luke/Max Martin-penned mid-tempo ballad on iTunes. With airplay still rising and a rumoured remix on the way, "The One That Got Away" could just make it to the top. And I'm fine with that. Until someone fixes up the rules relating to discounting (hello, Lady Gaga) and the validity of dodgy remixes (I'm looking at you, Rihanna and Britney), Katy is just playing the game. And more importantly, the song has to be genuinely popular in the first place to be in the position to take advantage of these dodgy tricks. Watch the lovely video below and then head over to iTunes to nab yourself a bargain.

Win A Signed Stan Walker CD

2011-12-08T23:49:00.004+11:00

Searching for the gift that keeps on giving this Christmas? Look no further! I'm giving away five signed copies of Stan Walker's latest CD. "Let The Music Play" is a great pop album and features the hits "Loud" and "Light It Up". More importantly, it boasts Stan's stunning duet with Jessica Mauboy (below)! To enter all you have to do is tweet me - @poptrashmike - the answer to the following question:

Stan and Beyoncé both covered the same song on previous albums. Name it!

Here's a hint - it was on "B'Day". Briefly.

A Tribute To The Legendary Keri Hilson

2011-12-07T00:19:00.005+11:00

Miss Keri Baby turned 29 today (in dog years maybe) and I think it's only appropriate that we take a moment to reflect on the R&B legend's stunning legacy - like playing second fiddle to Nicole Scherzinger on "Scream" and that song she had with Kanye. How does she stay so relevant? To celebrate Skeri's amazing contribution to pop culture and endless string of non-charting singles, check out this breathtaking tribute video (below) that truly captures the essence of the pussy poppin' pioneer. My favourite moment is when she gets punched in the head by her own security guard. Could your fave?

Beyoncé's 4th Australian Single Is...

2011-12-06T23:50:00.003+11:00

"I Was Here". That is straight from Sony Australia's PR department, so it's 100% official. The Diane Warren-penned power ballad was sent to radio on Monday and should impact the airplay chart this Friday. I don't know how I feel about this. On the one hand, "Party" and "Countdown" would not work here - the former is too urban and the latter is just too quirky for our airwaves. On the other, "I Was Here" does not exactly scream summer smash. Don't get me wrong. I love the song to bits and have a minor breakdown every time I hear it but the soaring anthem is a bit hard to swallow in between the latest fluff from Katy Perry and Ke$ha.

The obvious choice would have been "End Of Time" or maybe even the amazing "Schoolin' Life" (if they wanted to get creative). Both tracks are infectious summer jams with sing-a-long choruses but what do I know? Bey's last three Australian singles have reached the top 20 and gone platinum, so it will be interesting to see how well this does. I have my fingers crossed for a non-Roseland video or at least an official digital release with a cover. I will even make it myself. For free. Please? Time to start requesting/downloading. If this takes off we might just get a "4" re-release!

Judging Hits In The Digital Age - The Avril Lavigne Case Study

2011-12-05T23:37:00.011+11:00

How do you judge a hit these days? It sounds like a stupid question. You just go to iTunes or check your country's latest official chart. Right? I'd argue it's not that easy. The extinction of physical singles has resulted in a downloading free-for-all. You can now grab a couple of album tracks from Coldplay's new cure for insomnia as well as your favourite Christmas carol and that song Reece covered on X Factor. No complaints here. I do exactly same thing but are any of those chart-eligible mp3s representative of week's hottest singles? I'd argue no. When you throw in the unavoidable bias for artists with young or militant gay fans (ie. the people who are actually willing to spend $2.19 on a stupid computer file), the whole thing becomes even more skewered. The situation is worse in America where radio play and views on social media platforms like YouTube enter the mix. Does anyone really understand how the Billboard Charts are calculated? For starters, who is Ace Hood and why are all the country songs stalled between 60 and 80 on the Hot 100? But I digress.

The inspiration for this post was actually the success - at least to my mind - of Avril Lavigne's "Wish You Were Here". I instantly adored the Max Martin/Shellback-produced ballad when I first listened to "Goodbye Lullaby" way back in February and have grown to love it more with each passing month. However, even I thought the Canadian diva was wasting her time when she decided to release it as a single in September. The album had been dead for months and the once all-conquering pop-rocker appeared to be one of those unfortunate artists who are cursed with an ageing fanbase that can't be bothered with, or simply don't understand, the wonderful of legal downloading. Janet, Madonna and Mariah all feel her pain!

But then something strange happened. "Wish You Were Here" crawled its way up the pop airplay chart despite being added to approximately half the number of channels as current radio titans like Rihanna and Katy Perry. That encouraged Avril to sing on a couple of late-night talkshows and the emotional anthem started climbing the US iTunes chart and recently debuted at 99 on the Hot 100. Those achievements combined with the understated video's 50 million+ views on YouTube (more than recent clips from Beyoncé, Britney and Lady Gaga) make the song a raging success in my book. If she benefited from a tenth of the blog coverage of those divas and was given a fair shot at radio, I'm sure she would be celebrating another top 10 hit. It will be interesting to see if Avril's latest can keep on going or has already done its dash. Either way, "Wish You Were Here" has connected with people in a way that I don't believe is accurately reflected by its lacklustre charts position. Check out the clip below and download it from iTunes if it pushes your buttons. Be festive and help a bitch out!

Marry The Night - Video Review

2011-12-04T23:52:00.003+11:00

So I finally got around to watching Lady Gaga's "Marry The Night" video tonight - a whole three days after it premiered. That little statistic speaks volumes. In the past a new clip from Mother Monster was cause for celebration. I would be glued to my computer, waiting to see how much further she could raise the bar for music videos. Say what you like about the Benjamin Buttons of pop. Before Gaga started spending money on clips towards the end of the "Fame" era, blockbuster visuals were as hard to find as Rihanna's dignity. But then came "Paparrazzi", the all-conquering "Bad Romance" and already iconic "Telephone".

Suddenly, pop stars started delivering the goods again. Katy Perry is now dropping her own special-effects laden mini-movies, RiRi re-made Trainspotting for "We Found Love" and poor, old Britney did her best to look lucid in "I Wanna Go". This makes Lady Gaga's current run of visual flops all the more confusing. How did she fall this far? I liked the camp horror aesthetic of "Born This Way" but the other MVs from this album stink. "Judas" was a lame attempt to pick up where "Alejandro" left off. The status of "Edge Of Glory" (or "Dancing On A Fire Escape", as I like to call it) as the single most disappointing entry in her videography is undeniable and the best thing I can say about "You And I" is that she looked hot as a guy. I really hoped the diva could turn it around with "Marry The Night" but Gaga's ego gets in the way, as usual, and we're left with close to 14 minutes of pretentious bullshit with a bit of awesome choreography throw in at the end.

Seriously, does this bitch think anyone cares about her stupid mental hospital ramblings? I don't take spiritual advice from someone who makes a living pretending to be Grace Jones. And the nude scenes? I've seen sexier bodies on senior citizens. The annoying thing is that the old spark is still there. I laughed out loud at the Bedazzler comment and I love the dance class scene. Even her dancing on the car was good in a Ciara-did-it-first kind of way. Someone really needs to tie Lady Gaga to a chair and force her to watch "Bad Romance" on repeat. It was a genius clip because it had a fully-realised concept that suited the song perfectly and managed to be confronting and original without coming across as a desperate cry for help from a talented but unstable film student with delusions of grandeur. Mama Monster needs to reign the crazy in because people are losing interest. "Born This Way" has sold less than half of "The Fame" and self-indulgent rubbish like this is not helping her cause.

4/10

Moves Like Jagger - Alternate Cover

2011-12-04T23:42:00.005+11:00

This could have been a reality if Xtina has joined forces with Maroon 5 ten years ago. You know, before she discovered Taco Bell.

[Via Floptina]

Talk That Talk - Pop Trash Review

2011-12-02T22:59:00.006+11:00

"Talk That Talk" could be the bomb that sinks Rihanna's all-conquering Navy. There is nothing to redeem this sloppy mess. No artistic growth or experimentation to dull, or at least explain, the overwhelming awfulness. It's just a lazy mish-mash of hollow dance tracks and left-over drivel from "Loud". This is the Sex & The City 2 of albums - a rushed follow-up to an unexpected smash hit that lacks all the charm of its predecessor. Worse still, it threatens to put the entire franchise in jeopardy.

Make no mistake. "Talk That Talk" was supposed to be Rihanna's ticket to the very pinnacle of pop. Despite all her number one hits, the rich man's Shontelle was still dismissed as an embarrassing Beyoncé-wannabe as recently as the "Rated R" era. But then everything came together. She threw all credibility out the window, jumped on the urban-dance bandwagon and worked with the hottest names in the game. It was all very desperate but RiRi's manufactured bad-girl persona struck a chord and "Loud" established her as arguably the hottest pop-star on the planet. But instead of building on that by retreating from the spotlight to come up with something fresh and exciting, Rihanna just covered her well-endowed forehead with a new wig and shat out more of the same. The result is "Bionic" on Viagra - only without the Sia-penned power ballads and ridiculous RedOne knock-offs that made Christina's opus bearable.

Here is my track by track review:

1. You Da One

RiRi has always been a label puppet but at least her team usually hooks up interesting collaborators to give her some edge. However, this time around they just called all the usual suspects. Seriously, Dr Luke? I'm surprised there's no Max Martin or Rico Love. But back to the good Doctor. I love his work with Katy Perry and Ke$ha but "You Da One" is the weakest jam the super-producer has put his name to in years. Disturbingly, the sloppy, faux-reggae album-opener is one of the better songs on "Talk That Talk". It's perfect radio-fodder and should be massive. The fact that it's a lame re-hash of "What's My Name?" is the only stumbling block on its way to the top of the charts.

2. Where Have You Been

I love Calvin Harris but he clearly kept all the good stuff for himself. This is no "Feel So Close" or "Bounce". Hell, it's not even another "Ready For The Weekend". The meaningless lyrics hover over generic dance-beats that sound like they've been rescued from 1997. The most galling aspect is the limp dub-step twist. I never thought I'd say this - but Britney did this shit way back in 2007! It's tired and boring now. Rihanna's transformation into this generation's throwaway dance-pop diva is almost complete.

3. We Found Love

Rihanna repeatedly wailing the same cheesy line over a Euro-trash instrumental still fails to excite me. Dressing it up with an "edgy" (if you're 12 and watch a lot of Nickelodeon) video doesn't change the fact that "We Found Love" is disposable rubbish that will one day stand next to LMFAO's "Sexy And I Know It" in a museum exhibit called 2011 - The Year The Music Died.

4. Talk That Talk (Feat. Jay-Z)

Urban RiRi is not a good fit, as "Rated R" proved once and for all. Which makes the album's title track something of a surprise. Maybe it's just the bouncy Stargate production and Hova's killer intro but I like this. The chorus is cute and it's a relief to hear something a bit different in this sea of bad dance-music and shitty ballads. I'm not sure it's single material but this is definitely a standout for me.

5. Cockiness (Love It)

I probably would have enjoyed lyrics like "suck my cockiness, lick my persuasion" when I was 12 but I'll take a pass now. Who does Rihanna think she's shocking? She sings about her pussy more often than Janet in the '90s. And we all know how well that worked out for Damita. On the bright side, "Get 'Em Girls" is no longer the lamest song in Bangladesh's discography. Jessica Mauboy is holed up somewhere in Darwin crying tears of relief! This is a new low for Rih-cycle.

6. Birthday Cake

The-Dream gave Beyoncé "Single Ladies", "1+1" and "End Of Time". Rihanna got a 1:30 minute sex-interlude with not-so-brilliant lyrics like "cake, cake, cake". That pretty much sums up the Barbadian's current status in the pop hierarchy. Better luck next time.

7. We All Want Love

Nothing makes my blood run cold like a Rihanna ballad. With the exception of "Take A Bow" because that was genuinely amazing. Produced by frequent Jay-Z collaborator No I.D., "We All Want Love" is relatively inoffensive. The mid-tempo slow jam lacks the kind of big hook needed to take it to the next level and suffers from a bad case of Hallmark Card lyric-itis but at least it deals with feelings and emotions instead of RiRi's nuclear-powered pussy. My biggest problem with this track is its mediocrity. There's no way "We All Want Love" would have made the cut for "Loud". So why is it being rolled out here?

8. Drunk On Love

The first 20 seconds of "Drunk On Love" is breathtaking because it reminds me of the Dolly Parton of forehead's finest moment - her lesbian-stalker anthem "Te Amo". Unfortunately, it's all downhill from there. This dreary Stargate ballad gets my vote for the worst song on "Talk That Talk". Deleting it from my iTunes will be a pleasure.

9. Roc Me Out

Oh look, it's another Rihanna song about fucking! Whatever will she do next? Let's be real for a moment. This is getting old. Madonna did it first. Janet did it second and now Jay-Z's moneymaker is the stuck between the sheets. The whole sex kitten routine works for a while but it inevitably backfires. People joke about Beyoncé's female empowerment anthems but at least she's trying to tell women they have more to offer the world than a moist orifice. RiRi is beyond basic. As for "Roc Me Out", I forced myself to listen to it twice but there's nothing to distinguish the track from any of the diva's other sex jams. Gift it to your favourite prostitute.

10. Watch N' Learn

It's my own fault. I asked what Rihanna would do next. The answer is a mid-tempo groove about cunnilingus. Purse those lips and get busy if that's your thing. Personally, I'm going to pretend this never happened. It's a shame because Hit-Boy's production is easily the most innovative on the album.

11. Farewell

RiRi must be a closet Vanessa Williams fan because she kept the best for last. Now I know what I said about her eardrum-injuring ballads but this overwrought "Halo" rip-off works for me. Alex Da Kid announced himself as producer of merit when he helmed Tenitra's "Hello Heartbreak", before moving on to more obscure songs like "Love The Way You Lie" and "Airplanes". He gives Rihanna a lush orchestra of synths to bleat over and she does her best with that limited vocal range. The lyrics are cute and I could hear this in public without feeling like my civil liberties were being been violated. It's a nice song but definitely a case of too little, too late.

2.5/10

Sia's Hip Hop Adventure

2011-12-02T00:12:00.003+11:00

From contributing songs to Christina Aguilera's era-defining "Bionic" album to single-handedly saving dance music with "Titanium", Sia has done it all. Or at least I thought she had until I spotted her as the feature vocalist on Hilltop Hoods' latest single. Yes, my fellow Bey stan can now add edgy hip-hop diva to her CV. This is getting ridiculous! I'm not going to pretend I'm huge Hilltop Hoods fan from way back but the Aussie MCs have churned out some amazing singles over the past decade so - "The Nosebleed Section" and "Chase That Feeling" spring to mind. You can now add "I Love It" to that list. The track finds the boys in top form, trading lyrical blows as Sia chirps her way through the kind of chorus that gets lodged in your brain and refuses to leave. Like that demon slug in Supernatural. Adelaide's two biggest musical exports have served up a sure-fire smash, with the track already sitting at number 12 on iTunes with no video or promotion. Expect to be hearing this all summer long!

Luciana Jumps To Her Next Hit

2011-12-01T17:51:00.007+11:00

Luciana has only been back in LA for a couple of days but the inventor of electro-shouting is already back at work, filming the video of her next European single "Jump". The track is aimed squarely at the lucrative Italian dance market but I think this has huge crossover potential. Perhaps even more than "Pop My Trigger" and "Wicked Workout" - songs that have already been earmarked as future Australian/American releases. Think "We No Speak Americano" meets "I Like That" with a splash of "Mambo No. 5" thrown in for good measure. Yes, it's that amazing! And with full DJ support from the likes of David Guetta and Bob Sinclar, "Jump" should be heating up dancefloors around the world for months to come. Fingers crossed for a hot video. The preview (below) doesn't give much away but the dance diva looks fresh and fabulous despite her arduous trek through New South Wales and China. In case you're wondering who the guys are - here's the tea. The shirtless hunk is her real husband, the hottie with the moustache is her gay husband/stylist and the sexy specimen on the right is his boyfriend. The Cube Boy's catchy anthem is already available to download from Australian iTunes. Make sure you buy "I'm Still Hot" (and its amazing remixes) while you're at it!

Jump - Video Preview

Jump - Audio

Melissa Tkautz & Other Legendary Pop Icons Celebrate 'Smash Hits'

2011-11-30T00:39:00.007+11:00

Last night's Pop Life (a book about Smash Hits magazine) launch party at Sydney's Hard Rock Cafe was all that I hoped for and so much more. It was a trip to the land of lost pop stars, a place where 90s has-beens were mobbed like Rihanna - or, more accurately, like Deni Hines - and the legendary Melissa Tkautz shared the stage with that "Introvert/Extrovert" dude from X Factor. This nuclear-powered hot mess made my year and, more importantly, reminded me how much I miss Smash Hits. Pop blogs are great but there was something magical about having a stack of dog-eared magazines to pour over, again and again. I think I'm gonna start printing my blog posts and handing them out to random strangers at the bus stop. Because that's not weird and a sure-fire recipe for publishing success! But back to the party.

Here are some observations/anecdotes from the social event of 2011:

1. David Campbell is really short and looked seriously awkward belting out songs from '80s album "Let's Go". Stick to swing.

2. Cosima De Vito is on the comeback trail. The 2003 Australian Idol third place-getter told me she has a dance anthem called "Right Here, Right Now" set for release early next year. If it's anything like the Taylor Square remix of "Keep It Natural", I'm on board!

3. Former Young Diva Emily Williams is working with some big-wig American producer and also has new music due in early 2012.

4. The always lovely Robyn Loau has a new single in the works and hopes to re-release her criminally under-appreciated album. Can't wait.

5. Siobhan and Jacqui from Girlfriend also showed up, resulting in an awkward moment when the host brought up the possibility of a GF4 reunion. Robyn smiled but the look on her face screamed bitch, please.

6. Is Siobhan still a professional pole-dancer? Her leopard skin print mini-skirt said yes.

7. I've never seen We Go Bang Bang perform live before but the one-woman covers band was awesome. I'm going to have to check her out at the Beresford (where she has a residency of sorts). Nice '80s dance moves too!

8. Luke O'Dell cracked me up. "Introvert/Extrovert" is better than anything T-Pain has released lately.

9. Melissa Tkautz will soon appear in a glamorous new advertising campaign.

10. Apart from gracing your television screen in the near future, Mel will also be unleashing a new floorfiller in January or February.

The E Street icon really was the star of the show, looking flawless in her red gown. She belted out stunning renditions of "The Glamorous Life", current single "Something About You" (below) and her 1991 number one hit "Read My Lips". Hearing the latter live was something akin to a spiritual experience for me. Now if someone can tee up that Toni Pearen duet we've all been waiting for, I can die a happy man!

Pop Life is available to buy in all good bookstores - like Oscar & Friends - now!

All Hail Queen Ami!

2011-11-29T21:19:00.006+11:00

Throw away your copy of "Ultimate Kylie" and bin the "Immaculate Collection". Who needs flops like that when you could be treating your ears to the greatest hits of Ami Suzuki? Yes, the Queen of Avex is back with a 'best of' and a new single called "Freedom". If Amigod's new anthem is half as brilliant as "Free Free" or "One", it will be a late contender for single of the year! Stay tuned for more very soon. So what about "Ami Selection"? It's a solid representation of her stunning career as the Japan's answer to Dannii but a couple of classics are missing - notably the previously mentioned "One", "Can't Stop The Disco" and her iconic cover of Kylie's "Can't Get You Outta My Head". On the bright side, there's a bonus DVD with videos and a live performance. This will be mine! The most defining release of 2011 is available from December 7. Try HMV Japan - that's where I usually buy my Ami goodies.

CD
01. Love The Island
02. Alone In My Room
03. All Night Long
04. White Key
05. Don't Leave Me Behind
06. BE TOGETHER
07. OUR DAYS
08. Don't Need To Say Goodbye
09. Tsuyoi Kizuna
10. Delightful
11. Negaigoto
12. Alright!
13. FREE FREE
14. Reincarnation
15. KISS KISS KISS

DVD
01. BEST PV CLIP
- Delightful
- Negaigoto
- Alright!
- FREE FREE
- Reincarnation
- KISS KISS KISS
02. Ami Suzuki 29th Anniversary Live
- BE TOGETHER
- Don't leave me behind
- Nothing Without You
- Don't need to say good bye
03. Yakiniku Shop de no Jinsei hatsu Arubaito Kikaku Eizou

Here's my favourite Ami-anthem "Free Free". Such a brilliant pop song!

Bey Outsells Your Faves (Unless They're Adele Or Gaga) - You Mad?

2011-11-29T20:40:00.010+11:00

It's official. "4" is a US chart smash, shifting almost a million copies since its July release to land at number 7 on Billboard's list of 2011's best-sellers. Quite an achievement for an album that dared to stray from the well-worn Dr. Luke/Max Martin/RedOne path to chart glory. It's even more impressive when you consider that Beyoncé only promoted two singles before announcing her pregnancy and is yet to land a top 10 hit this era. I guess it just goes to prove that people are still interested in quality music.

As for the rest, 2011 was Adele's year. "21" slayed the field and those numbers will continue to grow well into 2012. Even if you subtract the 500,000 albums that Lady Gaga gave away for free, "Born This Way" is still a huge success but clearly not the all-conquering smash she claimed it would be. More impressive is Katy Perry, who showed real staying power with "Teenage Dream" and rising country star Jason Aldean. He owes at least some of that success to his brilliant Kelly Clarkson duet, so kudos to her too. Here are the best-selling albums of 2011 in America, as of this week:

1. 21 - Adele 4,533,000
2. Born This Way - Lady Gaga 1,902,000
3. Tha Carter IV - Lil Wayne 1,693,000
4. My Kinda Party - Jason Aldean 1,337,000
5. Sign No More - Mumford & Sons 1,294,000
6. Watch The Throne - Jay-Z & Kanye West 1,070,000
7. 4 - Beyoncé 921,000
8. Teenage Dream - Katy Perry 872,000
9. Doo-Wops & Hooligans - 871,000
10. Own The Night - Lady Antebellum - 814,000

On the topic of Bey, here's the alternate version of "Countdown" without the borrowed choreography from that Dutch ballet. It's still cute but I prefer the original.

Vengaboys Release Australian Tour CD

2011-11-29T19:45:00.004+11:00

Quick, somebody call Uncle John from Jamaica and let him know that the most essential pop album of 2011 hits stores Decemember. Yes, people. The Vengabus is heading for Australia this Summer and Central Station is releasing a long-overdue greatest hits package to celebrate. All your favourites are present and accounted for including the seminal "We Like To Party (The Vengabus)" and the most played song on Dannii's iPod ("We're Going To Ibiza"). The only thing missing is the band's amazingly awful ode to nude-swimming "Skinny Dippin'" but the bonus disc of cheesy remixes more than makes up for it. So there you go. The ultimate stocking filler is less than a fortnight away. Talk about the gift that keeps on giving!

Here's the tracklist:

CD1

1. We Like To Party (The Vengabus)
2. Boom, Boom, Boom, Boom!!
3. Up & Down
4. We're Going To Ibiza
5. Parada de Tettas
6. Superfly Slick Dick
7. Shalala Lala
8. Kiss (When The Sun Don't Shine)
9. Ho Ho Vengaboys!
10. Uncle John From Jamaica
11. Cheekah Bow Bow (That Computer Song)
12. To Brazil!
13. Your Place Or Mine?
14. Forever As One
15. Rocket To Uranus

CD2

Remixes

To get you in the Venga-mood, here's their glorious cyber-sex anthem "Cheekak Bow Bow (That Computer Song)". Does it get any better? See you at their Sydney gig!

Lorie Returns With A Flawless Pop Anthem

2011-11-28T00:54:00.006+11:00

I don't get to write about it very often but I love French pop music. And while Queen Mylène still reigns supreme en France, I've always had a soft spot for her one-time rival Lorie. Often likened to Britney Spears due to her teenage success and dubious talent, the now 29-year-old has returned to the studio after an extended break to pursue a career in acting. She did quite well, scoring a role on The Young and the Restless as a fashion model but it was always going to be downhill after reaching that pinnacle and a music comeback beckoned.

"Dita" was released a couple of months ago - I'm very late on this - and I have no idea if it was a success or not. The feedback on YouTube is disconcerting but I love it. This is icy electro-pop at its most sophisticated and lovely. Sure, it probably helps that I can't understand the majority of the lyrics but it's very catchy and I'm really looking forward to her 6th studio album "Regarde Moi". Only time will tell if it's as triumphant as Mylène's "Bleu Noir" but I'm hopeful it will re-establish her as one of France's biggest pop stars. Watch her gorgeous "Dita" video below. It shocks me that Europe is still producing film clips of this quality, while American labels often can't be bothered at all.

Seriously, What Is This?

2011-11-28T00:29:00.004+11:00

Please help me out because I'm confused. When did David Campbell (Australia's answer to Michael Buble) ditch his finely tailored suit for a leather jacket and Aviators? More importantly, why is the nation's Sultan of Swing churning out dubious '80s cover versions with videos that cost less than his sunglasses? I don't even know what to write about this mess. It's stuck in that awkward limbo between completely embarrassing and so-bad-it's-amazing. On one hand, I like it for the comedic value and Dave's bulging pecs. On the other, the song has been done to death and this interpretation lacks imagination. Why not do a soul or swing version? Instead, this sounds like something from karaoke night at my local pub. Which is ridiculous because the man can sing. I'm intrigued. Is the rest of his new album... this stunning? I guess I'll find out tomorrow when I see him perform live. "Let's Go" is in stores now. Buy/download it if you dare.

Zowie - Live At The Oxford Art Factory

2011-11-27T16:29:00.003+11:00

Zowie brought her live show to Sydney on Friday night, warming up the crowd for Strange Talk at the Oxford Art Factory. I like what I've heard from New Zealand's next big thing so far - particularly her debut single "Broken Machine" and current release "Smash It" (below) - but I've literally only heard four of her songs and really didn't know what to expect. Would she be all hype like Annie (still the worst gig I've ever seen in my life) or a revelation like Marina & The Diamonds? From what I witnessed a couple of nights ago, I'd err towards the latter. Zowie is a gale force breath of fresh air with a tight band and a batch of quirky songs that deftly blend New Wave and indie-pop influences. I loved hearing her new material and think early singles like "Bite Back" and "Love Or Hate" sound a lot meatier live.

My only reservation about the Auckland-based diva - and, unfortunately, it's quite a substantial one - is the way she is being marketed. Zowie is more Yeah Yeah Yeahs than Robyn, so why is she being promoted as the next electro-pop sensation? I think her music would get a much better reception from the Triple J crowd and tapping into that market could be the key to a long overdue commercial breakthrough. But I guess that's up to the Kiwi singer-songwriter and Sony to sort out. In the meantime, I'll just keep listening to her four song discography on repeat and hope for the best. By the way, was I dreaming or does one of Zowie's new songs sample Linda Sundblad's iconic "2 All My Girls"? I swear I heard it!

Why 'Dance For You' Is The Worst Video Of The '4' Era

2011-11-26T17:14:00.002+11:00

Before I get into why "Dance For You" is the first visual fail of the "4" era, I would like to qualify this post by reminding everyone that Bey's film noir adventure is just a random clip for a song on her DVD anthology. It's not a random international release like "Love On Top" or even a buzz single like "1+1". The fact that Queen B took time out from running the world to make it at all is blessing and I definitely wasn't expecting a big budget or mind-blowing choreography. But I hoped the video would suit the song and fit within the "4" era's classy aesthetic. Unfortunately, it disappoints on both counts.

"Dance For You" is one of my favourite songs on the album. I still can't believe it was wasted as a bonus track and think it could have been a single if edited down from its distinctly un-radio friendly 6:17 minute running time. For me, The-Dream's lush mid-tempo ballad sums up what "4" is all about - a blissful declaration of love and loyalty. Everything about it makes me melt. Which is probably why I'm so annoyed by the plot, which basically involves Bey walking into a room and dancing like a stripper for a guy who I assume is her client. Some fans are convinced it's her man but I think this sleazy douchebag paid for the show! Then there's the choreography. I thought Beyoncé had evolved past shameless pussy-popping. Her other videos have been effortlessly sexy without being slutty, while this is the kind of thing Rihanna would do if she was attractive and could dance.

On the bright side, I love the black and white photography and the 16-time Grammy winner looks absolutely beautiful. You can tell this was filmed after the other videos because she looks distinctly more voluptuous. Also props for the stunning use of multiple wind machines and the genuinely sexy choreography from about the 3:15 minute mark. This isn't a bad video. It's just a disappointing fit for an exquisite anthem that could have ended my favourite Bey era on a high note. Now bring on that Live DVD so I can return to my usual stanning.

6/10

Attention, Ms Kelly: Tenitra Is Coming For Your Wig!

2011-11-23T00:39:00.008+11:00

The moment we've all been waiting for is here - Michelle Williams is back to revolutionise pop music as we know it! After years of shivering in Beyoncé's shadow, the Jason Orange of Destiny's Child has finally stepped into the light. And she's not returning with another aluminium-selling gospel album. Instead, Shell is gunning for Kelly Rowland's UK dance crown. A preview of "On The Run" (below) leaked months ago but the full version hit the net today and it's absolutely magnificent. The underrated diva's raspy pipes adapt surprisingly well to her new genre and the chorus explodes over the thundering house beats a glitter bomb.

Fuck "We Found Love". This is the thinking man's dance anthem! I'm so excited about Michelle's return. "Unexpected" rocked my world and still holds up as one of the best urban-pop albums of recent years. She deserves more recognition and "On The Run" could be the song to take her to the next level. Unfortunately, the full version was removed from Soundcloud but you can already pre-order it on iTunes and watch the stunning video trailer on repeat below. The world is about to learn that nobody puts Tenitra in the corner!

The Best Thing To Come Out Of Sweden - EVER!

2011-11-23T00:26:00.004+11:00

Sweden and fine pop music go together like La Toya and publicity whoring, so it shouldn't surprise anyone that the best advertising jingle of all time has been penned for a Scandinavian weight loss product. Words can not express how obsessed I am with this mess. The clip has only racked up 1,000 views on YouTube and I'm sure at least half of them were me. It needs to be released as a single today! My favourite line? "It's loaded with minerals and electrolytes, so you can look great in those cute new tights!" RIP Saturdays. Those boring cunts could never.

Shakira Jumps On Live Album Bandwagon

2011-11-22T23:31:00.006+11:00

You know it's almost Christmas when the shelves start filling with Greatest Hits collections and live albums. The latter is a particularly hot trend this year with concert recordings from Beyoncé, Adele, Kylie and Taylor Swift on the way. Joining those heavy-hitters is Colombian goddess Shakira, who continues to rule the charts just about everywhere but Australia. I can't wait to get my hands on her "Live From Paris" CD/DVD. The pop icon's last two albums were superb and I'm still pressed about missing her tour when I was refused entry to Mexico in July. I even approve of the tracklist, which expertly blends new hits and old favourites. If Shaki included "Men In This Town" (AKA the best single she never released), it would be absolutely perfect.

1. Pienso En Ti (Live Version)
2. Why Wait (Live Version)
3. Te Dejo Madrid (Live Version)
4. Whenever, Wherever; Whenever, Wherever\ Unbelieveable (Live Version)
5. Inevitable (Live Version)
6. Nothing Else Matters/Despedida Medley (Live Version)
7. Gypsy (Live Version)
8. La Tortura (Live Version)
9. Ciega, Sordomuda (Live Version)
10. Underneath Your Clothes (Live Version)
11. Sale El Sol (Live Version)
12. Las De La Intuición (Live Version)
13. Loca (Live Version)
14. She Wolf (Live Version)
15. Ojos Así (Live Version)
16. Antes De Las Seis (Live Version)
17. Je L'aime A Mourir (Live Version)
18. Hips Don't Lie (Live Version)
19. Waka Waka (This Time For Africa) (Live Version)

As far as I know there are no plans to release this in Australia, so you might as well import it from Amazon. Check out the bizarre DVD trailer below. I'm all from keeping an air of mystery but this is ridiculous!

All Hail The Return Of K-Lo!

2011-11-21T23:40:00.006+11:00

It's hard to type when you're crying, shaking and masturbating but I'll do my best. My beloved orange goddess is back! Naturally, I'm talking about the former first lady of AATW - the divine Kelly Llorenna. A woman that has clocked up more dance hits (and hours at the tanning salon) than all of your faves put together! This is literally the most exciting thing to happen to me since McDonalds brought back shaker-fries. But where to start? In late 2010 I spoke to the eternally youthful English beauty about her latest project - a band called Freak Asylum. She already had an alter-ego picked out (Lola Leethal) and a video treatment at the ready but almost a year passed and nothing happened. That is until now.

The UK's hottest new band has finally dropped their debut single and it's an absolute winner. "You Better Leave" is a glorious shot of '80s-tinged synth-pop complete with Starship-tastic guitars and the kind of chorus that gets lodged in your head after one listen and refuses to leave. I know that K-Lo gets a bad rap but put your prejudice aside because this is genuinely awesome. And I haven't even started on the video, which features Kelly is various states of undress - her tangerine skin glowing like gold against her PVC fuck-me-boots. It's more than I can handle. Now where can I download this smash before I break YouTube by pressing replay too often?

Selegend Hits The Lights & Kills Your Fave's Career

2011-11-20T23:22:00.006+11:00

Selena Gomez is the best-kept secret in pop. That might sound ridiculous given her high-profile relationship and burgeoning acting career but the 19-year-old's flawless music is more neglected than Susan Boyle's vagina. The Texan beauty should be racking up top 10 hits with gems like "Bang Bang Bang" and "Like A Love Song" instead of tickling the lower reaches of the top 40. Take her latest single. "Hit The Lights", written by Australia's own Leah Haywood, is the kind of soaring synth-pop explosion that Britney or Ke$ha would kill for. Everything about this is magnificent. I love the sappy lyrics about following your dreams, ache for the monster chorus and revel in the glory of Selegend's exquisite rice-paper thin voice. When are music fans finally going to embrace this stunning talent as America's hottest new completely manufactured pop star? Perhaps her new video will help. "Hit The Lights" finds the diva in an unusually rebellious mood. She stays out after dark. All by herself! Watch in awe as Selena makes your fave obsolete (below).

Beyoncé Notches Up 3rd Platinum Single From '4'

2011-11-20T22:47:00.002+11:00

Australia is quickly turning into one of Beyoncé's biggest markets. This week King B racks up her third consecutive platinum single with "Love On Top" passing 75,000 downloads sold. I actually think the song would have performed even better if it got an official digital release with the video edit and/or Mike Rizzo remix but it's hard to knock another top 20 hit. That raises the question of Bey's next Australian single. I asked Sony that very question when I interviewed Stan Walker on Friday and was told that it's still up in the air. However, they confirmed it wouldn't be "Countdown". They also let slip that "Dance For You" would be serviced to TV next week in the same way that "Countdown" and "1+1" were (ie. without being officially released as singles). Perhaps if it proves popular they might change their mind. After all, there are no other videos to choose from! And, in many ways, "Dance For You" picks up where "Love On Top" left off - with a killer old-school groove and seriously loved-up lyrics. Who cares if the dreamy anthem goes for 7 minutes? Radio will deal!

La Toya Answers Our Prayers

2011-11-19T00:58:00.007+11:00

Since becoming the most relevant and successful Jackson, La Toya has been on a roll. Her tireless work on the talk-show circuit single-handedly brought Michael's murderer to justice, she charmed Cardiff with one of the greatest mimed live performances of all time and now delivers us the holy grail of her discography on CD. Yes, Toy Soldiers - I'm talking about "Imagination"! The iconic diva's fourth studio album was only released on vinyl. And unlike her mega-selling #149 smash "Heart Don't Lie", it sank without a trace and is next to impossible to find. How exciting then that the re-release even comes with bonus tracks!

Tracklist:

1. He's A Pretender
2. On A Night Like This
3. How Do I Tell Them
4. Imagination
5. Baby Sister
6. Imagination
7. Love Talk
8. Boys Got Somethin' Girls Ain't Got

Bonus Tracks

9. Imagination - Hot Dance Mix
10. Imagination - Dub Mix
11. Baby Sister - Instrumental Version
12. Imagination - 7" Remix

I adore every song on "Imagination". Toy Toy's version of "He's A Pretender" is '80s pop perfection, while the calypso-tinged "On A Night Like This" brings visions of sunny island paradise and "Boys Got Something Girls Ain't Got" more than lives up to its amazing title. However, the album is best know for La Toya's stunning Janet diss "Baby Sister". The critically acclaimed anthem - it won the Outstanding Song Award at the 16th Annual World Popular Song Festival in Japan! - is toygasmic from beginning to end. Listen to it below and order your copy of the re-release today. I just hope we don't crash the label's server with all our orders.

Stan Walker On Why Beyoncé Is The Best And Other Important Topics

2011-11-18T23:18:00.007+11:00

Stan Walker is a man on a mission. The 21-year-old released this third album in as many years today and he's hoping it will propel his already hugely successful career to the next level. Earlier this afternoon I spoke with the Australian Idol winner about his move towards dance music, killer seagulls and the undeniable awesomeness of Justin Bieber. Even more excitingly, I discovered that Stan stans for Beyoncé and we had a good chat about why she is better than your fave. "Let The Music Play" is a great pop album that belongs in your collection. Pick it tomorrow morning, along with a copy of "4"!

You seem to have embraced dance music this time around. Are the first two singles a taste of what's to come on the album?
On the album it's more than just dance. Dance is the most prominent [genre] but there's a bit of gospel, a bit of R&B, a few culture-inspired songs. Dance is definitely the most... but it's really based around pop. I wanted to take people on a journey and not just restrict it to just pop and dance. So it's got elements of soul, gospel and R&B in there.

What prompted the move towards dance? Your last album was quite urban.
It's just me evolving as an artist. If anything this [album] is the greatest I've done because I've never sung like this. This is stretching me vocally, as a writer - because I wrote the album - and just being relevant and just being me. Expressing myself through music and where I'm at.

You said you wrote the album. Who else did you work with? I know DNA and Jon Asher have a couple of songs on there.
I wrote 85-90% of the album and then I had a few tracks from Jon. And I have a couple of covers. A Dave Dobyn one and an Eva Cassidy one. When I'm in the studio I worked with everybody in Australia and a couple of people in America. But writing was so awesome. I had to step it up. It was good. I found stuff in me that I didn't know I could do. I didn't realise I had the potential to write these sort of songs. The next singles that I bring out will all be songs I've written.

What inspired the Eva Cassidy cover?
"Songbird" is a great song. One of my favourite songs. One of my family's favourites as well. My mum sings this with me on there. A bit of a surprise. I've always wanted to have someone from my family do something with me. And I got my mum... it just shows more of who I am.

I didn't know you come from a musical family.
Yeah, my whole family sings and plays instruments.

Can you tell me a bit about your current single "Light It Up". How did the collaboration with Static Revenger come about?
That track was the longest process of getting the right mix. We sent it to him and he made it what it is today. We were trying different things, different people and it just wasn't hitting it and he just got that mix. It was the one. So he's the man.

You're also killing it with "Galaxy". Did Jessica (Mauboy) approach you?

It was originally mine! And then we ended up doing it together and then we ended up doing it more for her single. It was meant for us both from the start. We always wanted to do a song together. We're like brother and sister. We work together all the time, we're good friends and we've been looking for a song. We love it, ay. We love it so much. It's an awesome song.

Where did you film the video? It looks really cool.
We filmed it on the cliffs of Clovelly.

So it was just don't the road? I thought it looked familiar!
Man when people watch it they think it's a big international production but yeah just down the road. [Laughs].

Have you picked out the next single?
We're brainstorming it at the moment. Trying to work out which song we're going to do. How we're going to do it. I've sort of decided but I haven't. It's hard because I love them all and it's like what is the song that will carry me to the next level.

You've come a long way in such a short period. Already up to album number three. What's been the biggest change for you since leaving Australian Idol?
The growth, the character. I've grown up so much. I realised that this is quite a tough industry. It's challenging, it's hard work and it's caused me to grow up. Caused me to be stronger. I was definitely in the honeymoon period when I was on Idol and now this is the relationship. For better or worse if it was marriage.

What are you listening to now? You're always sharing your favourites on Twitter.
I'm loving David Guetta. He's incredible. He's my favourite dance act. He's a genius. He gets these full on dance-y beats and he puts vocal beasts on them - Jessie J, Usher, Chris Brown...

Jennifer Hudson
Oh my gosh that's my favourite song! And Sia. He's got vocal beasts on there and I just think that's so brilliant. So him and Justin Bieber. He's the man, ay? People underestimate his talent because he's a teen. I bought some of his Christmas songs on iTunes. He's gansta, man! I love him, ay. I just love his style.

And you were tweeting about your favourite R&B albums recently.
I love Amy Winehouse. She's a beast, man. But my favourite album is actually Beyonce's new album.

My favourite topic!
Man. I get frustrated how people can even criticise that and say this and that. They do not understand. People were like "Run The World" that's such a dumb song. I go, "you try and sing that. You try and sing it like she sings it!" And put all that into that simple song. There's no way anybody else could sing it. Beyoncé is the best. She's crazy. "Love On Top", man. That's already at a high level and she does four key changes. It's like listening to old Jackson 5. She said in an interview "it was never about radio, it was never about making a hit. It was about stuff I love" and I just admire her so much for doing that.

So what's your favourite song from "4"?
Track number two.

"I Care". Such a good song!
[Starts singing] "I Care" and "Love On Top".

Have you seen any clips from the Roseland concert?
Yeah I watched the DVD. It was incredible.

Speaking of tours. You've got your own coming up with Jessica Mauboy. What can we expect?
Everything! I think later next year I'll put on my own tour but this is definitely a big taste of what's to come. I don't want to give away too much but it'ds definitely going to be more than anybody's seen of me. I got a full band. I got my dancers. It's a full show. We get to show people who we are. We get to share the depths of us. Me and Jess we both pride ourselves on our live performances, so we can't wait.

Can I just ask about Twitter? I think you're one of my favourite people on there. You're so authentic.
I love Twitter. Twitter is really cool, ay? It's an awesome tool. Just to be able to connect with fans, friends. I'm quite straight up, ay? I talk about everything. Like when I was in New Zealand and I saw this giant seagull walk over and swallow another bird.

Sorry?
They are huge in New Zealand. It just swallowed him whole! I thought I was tripping. I couldn't believe it. So that's the kind of thing I have to tweet. Cannibal birds.

That's incredible. Thanks so much for your time!
Thanks heaps.

A Double Dose Of Beyoncé Live

2011-11-17T23:34:00.005+11:00

Queen B dropped two live videos today to promote her soon-to-be-released "Live At Roseland" DVD. Needless to say both are flawless demonstrations in wig snatching but I have a huge problem with the "End Of Time" clip. Why is footage from Glastonbury spliced into it? I was lucky enough to be at her first Roseland concert and it was breathtaking from beginning to end. There's no need to cut other performances into it. Hopefully they just jazzed up "End Of Time" so it can be used as the world's cheapest official video at a later date because I will be inconsolable if they use this on the DVD. It's so unnecessary it almost defies belief. Apart from that, it's must-see material:

While "End Of Time"gives me the shits, I have spent the past 5 or 6 hours watching "I Was Here" on repeat. This triumph is giving me life. From the heartfelt vocal to the home movies, this the muscal equivalent of Beaches. Bey has been at this her whole life. Happily for her, practice did make perfect. Watch history below.

Korean Diva Jacks Luciana's Swagger

2011-11-17T22:54:00.004+11:00

Seo In Young is on the fast track to becoming my new K-Pop fave. As if the scandal surrounding her ever-changing nose wasn't fabulous enough, Korea's plastic angel has endeared herself to me even further by ripping off Luciana's "I Like That" on her latest single. Which not only reveals exquisite taste in dance divas but also a willingness to embrace electro. Two characteristics I greatly admire. And while "Oh My Gosh" isn't quite as good as Luci's floorfiller, it is something of a jam. I love the brutal beats and her spitfire delivery. The video is cool too. Extra points for the random animation and fishermen in business suits but can someone please explain why she's dancing with the Ku Klux Klan? Anyway, fingers crossed it's a hit. The former Jewelry singer has been absent from the charts for a couple of years and that stunning nose is too good to waste on a has-been!

Luciana Breaks The Drought

2011-11-16T20:27:00.004+11:00

This week Luciana scores her first top 50 hit as the lead artist since 1994. That's a 17-year gap, people! While many fans think the dance diva began her career singing "Yeah Yeah" for Bodyrox, she actually started out making R&B-tinged pop as a veritable foetus in the early '90s. Since then she's been in three bands, released countless records as the featured artist and even recorded a duet with Betty White. I'm glad she can finally add solo star to her long list of achievements! The performance of "I'm Still Hot" boggles the mind. To go top 50 with a camp electro-anthem on an independent dance label with minimal airplay and little promotion is amazing. Hopefully, radio programmers will wise up to the surprise hit of the 2011 and start spinning it. Help them out by voting for the song on the Hot 30 and keep downloading Luci's smash from iTunes.

I guess now is as good a time as any to announce the winners of my "I'm Still Hot" comp:

@Fabtasticmusic
@RyanVox
@Deanmisdale
@Axelroman
@Bomitoni
@Traymontraywick
@SJRimmington
@MathewAus
@MuscatPerson
@NathanLambie

Cogratulations! To collect your CD, just tweet or email me your address and I'll pop it in the post!