Monday, March 18, 2013

Bow Down, Bitches. Beyoncé Is Back!


It's hard to type while crying and shaking and holding prayer beads but I'll bravely soldier on because today needs to be documented for future music historians. Earlier this morning, Beyoncé nonchalantly put a new song on Soundcloud and the internet almost melted. "Bow Down/I Been On" had an immediate polarising effect.

The Hive lost consciousness and woke to find their collective wig cleanly snatched, while the usual haters went to town on the highly unconventional first taste of era V - calling it ratchet, uncommercial and disrespectful. And to be honest all three adjectives fit. The track is ghetto as fuck, sounds like an intro or snippet (more about that in a minute) and ruthlessly drags every bitch in the game.

I still can't deal with the lyric "I know when you were little girls, you dreamt of being in my world. Don't forget it". It's the shadiest moment of Bey's career since that line in "Survivor" about selling nine million. You just know Rihanna, Keri and Ciara are currently reevaluating their entire existence! The thing is - B has the receipts to support every sliver of shade she throws.

Mrs Carter is the measuring stick for musical excellence, chart success and career-longevity, so I'm glad she finally snapped and put the pretenders in check. Trust me, I've listened to the edgy anthem at least three dozen times and I still detect no lies.

"Bow Down/I Been On", as it turns out, is actually two separate songs mashed together to generate buzz for the new album - mission accomplished. The former is produced by Hit-Boy, while the latter is the handiwork of Polow Da Don, Timbaland and Planet VI. Bizarrely enough, I think they work brilliantly together and almost wish this was the lead single.

The production from all involved is breathtaking. I love the staccato beats and exaggerated bravado of "Bow Down", while "I Been On" incorporates operatic elements and morphs Bey's voice into a fucking man. Who else does that shit? The sound is so fresh and experimental. This era promises to be one hell of a wild ride!

I guess the main thing we can take from Queen B's latest pioneering masterpiece is the fact that she clearly has zero fucks left to give. She will throw her shit on Soundcloud in the middle of the night without as much as press release and rap about being better than your faves if she gets the urge. If you were expecting a generic will.i.am or RedOne-produced club banger to guarantee radio airplay, you were dead wrong.

Bey remains in her own lane and that's the way I like it. 4 was one of the top 10 best-selling albums of 2011 in America with no hits, which proves that mainstream success is largely irrelevant to Beyoncé. She's above that now. Who else could sell out a world tour with no new music? Bow down and salute the Queen! Trust me, you're not worthy.

11/10

12 comments:

David said...

To answer your question, Azealia Banks does that shit.

However if Beyoncé has been listening to Azealia Banks while working on this new album I am FULLY IN SUPPORT OF THIS

Anonymous said...

Wow more like 1/10. This song is terrible, and if your reason of giving it such a high mark is because you're a fan, shame on you.

Anonymous said...

Call the police and tell them to bring swabs for my ears... coz they just been raped. Horrible.

Anonymous said...

This song heralds the minajification of music.

John said...

It's a buzz track, folks. It's NOT a single like JT's Suit and Tie. And also unlike JT, it's clear she's not warming leftovers up. Bring on the new record!

Tony said...

I Fucks With This Song. This is my new anthem!

Ron said...

Empress B has snatched all the wigs and crowns and said I don't give a fuck.

Bruce said...

It's the Houston Shake!

I sincerely hope she's not shading Kelly and Michelle here...

Anonymous said...

I said this earlier:

"I'm looking forward to comments and/or post made by gayluded Beyawnce stan Mike Pop Trash. He'll call it best thing ever."

As usual, Mike did not disappoint.

Mike said...

^ I'm glad to please my fans.

Anonymous said...

Pathetic!

not a Beyoncé fan said...

Bomb track. Stuck on repeat.