Thursday, January 24, 2013

Nicole Returns! Jesus Weeps! Careers End!


Bless Nicole. Amid the forced quirkiness of Lady Gaga and Taylor Swift's increasingly stale girl-next-door routine, it's a breath of fresh air to welcome back an old school pop star. You know, a diva that is happy to just look pretty while singing and dancing without reinventing the wheel? The patron saint of puakenikenis is an easy target - her delusional tweets rival any parody account - but she is talented and deserves to find her own niche after all those years of Pussycat Doll hell.

"Boomerang" is a giant step in the right direction. The surprisingly '80s-inspired pop tune sounds like the bastard child of Stacey Q and Laura Branigan - it's an avalanche of (intentionally) cheesy keyboards and catchy vocal hooks. In typical Nicole style, the lyrics don't make a lot of sense (see iconic Killer Love album track "Amenjena") but trust me, you'll be singing "I'm a boomerang oh wo-oh-oh oh wo-oh-oh!" by the time the track ends.

And now the million dollar question. Is it a hit? I think Nicky has Europe in the bag. Australia could go either way (a promo visit would pretty much guarantee a high chart position) and anything could happen in States. I mean Dev had a top 20 hit there, so the standard is low. Most importantly, I'm just happy to have the Hawaiian pop princess back. Her unreleased albums are better than your fave's finest moment!

Listen to a very rough radio rip of the future number one, Grammy-winning smash below.

9/10

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

Unfortunately, yet again, Nicole has delivered a big steaming pile of shit

Tulisa 4-ever said...

Well, this is shit.

Boomerang said...

The song is incredible. I don't know what people are going on about. I have high hopes that at the very least, it will do well in the UK. It's a little more sugary than her previous singles, but in a good way.

Lady Elayne Fairchilde said...

Boomerang Toomerang Zoomerang!

Anonymous said...

It saddens me that the US just doesn't want to accept her for the flawless icon that she is...

Anonymous said...

its amazing, and shits all over unapologetic, fuck u if u disagree

Anonymous said...

apart from the "whoah oh oh oh boomerang" hook, the whole sound uninspired. and we all know she will flop. NEXT!

Anonymous said...

*sounds

Mike said...

Fuck you all. I'm not here for Scherzi-hate!

Anonymous said...

Boomerang, Puakinini and Flopzinger all have the same number of letters in them!

Anonymous said...

" Her unreleased albums are better than your fave's finest moment!" This, so much!!

Anonymous said...

Wouldn't it be ironic if one of the 'careers [that] end' as a result of this song is her own?

Christian Andersson said...

What a mainstream shitty song!! :(
she deserves better!! Heard this sound thousands times before!! :(

Me 2.0 said...

What a DIRE FLOP she is.

Anonymous said...

Her career cannot end cause it never started...

Anonymous said...

The song is decent, but not her best. It will probably do well in the UK, but once she finally releases it within the US (probably around 2015) it will probably be top 50 at best. I hope her label dosen't slap on a rapper for the US release, they seem to still think it is 2003.

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