Thursday, December 06, 2012

Beyoncé's Back. Your Fave Is Now Redundant.


Beyoncé is back and she's on a wig-collecting mission. The Queen of all genres gave the lessors a break last era. She chose artistic freedom over commercial success but still managed to outperform every bitch in the game apart from Adele - and her sales don't count because she tapped into the lucrative obese market. Need proof? Compare first week US album sales:

310,000 - 4 (Bey)
280,000 - The Truth About Love (Pink)
238,000 - Unapologetic (Rihanna)
160,000 - Girl On Fire (Alicia Keys)
  73,000 - Lotus (Xtina)
  34,000 - The Re-Up (Nicki Minaj)
    6,000 - The Spirit Indestructible (Nelly Furtado)

Despite owning your fave on the Hot 200 without even trying, King B is obviously sick of seeing basics on the singles chart because she's bringing out the big guns. In addition to spending all day uploading stunning images to Tumblr and Instagram (above), she's filming a documentary for HBO, performing at Superbowl and reportedly hitting the studio Justin Timberlake.

I'm not sure how I feel about Justin. To be honest, I think his music is boring as fuck but I've always loved their 2007 duet "Until The End Of Time" (below). It's a bit of a grower but the Timbaland-produced slow jam still sounds amazing today. If only the lazy bums had filmed a video it would have been massive - instead of peaking at a still respectable number 17.

And if the JT collab doesn't work out, Bey could always call JC Chasez. Everyone knows he was the best thing about 'N Sync!

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

To borrow a concept from Bret Easton Ellis, Beyonce is 'empire' and Rihanna is 'post-empire'.

You are living in the past and you have an outmoded view of culture, celebrity, pop music and human civilisation more generally.

Rihannon said...

Rihanna shat out about eight other albums in the time it took Beyoncé to record her vocals for 4, so this is not really a good comparison.

I do like her, B's next album is gonna flop.

Sol-Angel's #1 fan tommie said...

People only care about Solange these days, sorry FLOPONCÉ!

2013 - The year of the SOLO-ANGEL and K-ROW.

noelster said...

bey outselling everybody is a given, but the real tale of the tape is pink outselling riri by 40k units, which must be giving the navy a nasty case of the dry heaves.

Blue Ivy said...

Bey is living in the past? guess that's why her flop era still demolished the game. smh @ these uneducated stans

AllEyezOnAss said...

That B*tch would be nothin without her wigs sponsored by her ugly pimp. Madge's wig looks crappy, but at least she earned it herself via working her butt off every night all over the world with this year's biggest tour. Knowless would be just a wigless piece of shite, if it wasn't for her daddy and now ZJ. For the fame and money, she keeps pretending baby Blue something is f*ckin flawless. Bitchonce please.

Mike said...

Why does Beyonce's superiority have everyone so pressed? Just accept she's the best and move on with your life!

Anonymous said...

The grade for Beyonce's music is the same as the first letter in her name

Anonymous said...

Some of these commentsare just downright ridiculous. Let's be realistic, Beyonce is awesome and you know it!

Killer Bey said...

so many fake ass cunts! bey is the queen and u all know it! she polishing Grammys while ya fave is polishing redone's dick to get a hit!

Safiya Outlines said...

Noelstar - Quite. I laughed when I read that.

6000 for Nelly makes me sad though.

As for Beyonce, I still feel the best is yet to come. She's the only one who can come near to how good Aaliyah was.

Mike said...

All due respect to Aaliyah but Bey surpassed her contribution to the music industry during the Dangerously In Love era.

Nelly's flopping saddens me too. That album is a case study in how to fuck up someone's career.

Anonymous said...

Mike YESSSSSS!!!!!! Let these dumb fuck faces know who the queen is!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Y'all see the stats and you bum's will DEAL. How can someone drag ALL y'all faves without a top 10 hit?! On the WHOLE ALBUM. my queen SLAYonce is going nowhere. BOOM.

Tamartian tommie said...

Sorry, but obviously Tamar snatched all of Beyonka's dusty old Dereon wigs. #BAIGURL

Me said...

Who?