Thursday, November 08, 2012

Ke$ha's New Video Gave Me Epilepsy And I Fucking Loved It


Stop your entire fucking life! Ke$ha's erection-inducing "Die Young" video has finally hit the net and it's every bit as awe-inspiring as we've come to expect from the Queen of soul and many other genres. So where to start? Probably with a warning. If you suffer from epilepsy or took a lot of drugs in the '90s, you might want to watch the clip through sunglasses. My head was spinning so fast by the end of K$'s Apocalypse-themed visual that I now see Illuminati triangles when I close my eyes. I feel so blessed!

The Citizen Kane of music videos begins with a hearse driving into a deserted Mexican village. Don't worry. Paulina Rubio is probably still alive but there seems to have been a cataclysmic event in that part of the world. Obviously the masses got sick of hearing "Diamonds" on the radio and revolted. But I digress. The first glimpse of pop's fiercest warrior took my breath away. Only Ke$ha could pose under a satanic black veil in the back of a death-mobile and still give me wood. Viagra just went out of business because one glance at this siren will redirect your blood flow in seconds!

After being carried into a cathedral like the patron saint of Gothic transvestites, Ke$ha breaks some shit - because that's what edgy cult-leaders do! - and throws a party with her sexy dancers. Apparently only hot bisexuals survive the apocalyse, so it's reassuring to know that Frank Ocean will be ok if the Mayans are right. From that point on, things get kinda crazy with dizzying choreography and a selection of barely-there outfits.

I particularly love the hilarious Nokia promotion. So the world just ended and the last remaining survivors get on their phones to call... who? Clearly it's just a surreal touch (and definitely not a grab for cash) to underline the fact that Dr. Luke's fave is now a true artiste. So embarrassed for your fave right now! And let's just talk about the raunchy bed scene. How hot does she look? Pray for the uncut version to be uploaded to Pornhub!

Ke$ha could have attacked this clip from a number of different directions but I think she made a wise choice. "Die Young" is darker than her usual fare but still glam, glittery and very much tongue-in-cheek. If Lady Gaga did this video it would run for 23 minutes, be shot in black & white and feature Mother Monster performing an interpretive dance in the children's ward of a hospital. Our Queen, on the other hand, just lets her unwashed hair down and has fun. This is an ocean of win.

Song: 10/10, Video: 10/10

15 comments:

Anonymous said...

My pussy just got wetter

Warrior Kween said...

OH MY GOD @ the gaga shade!

Mike said...

I think that's quite restrained by my standards!

Ke$hu$ #1 whore$hipper tommie said...

*SHAKING AND CRYING WHILE BOWING TO THE NEW HIGH PRIESTESS OF THE ILLUMNATI*

IRRELEVHANNA WHO?

Harold said...

She makes being Queen of the Illuminati look so effortless. Stunning!

Me said...

Illuminating the world with her tra$hy ways and rampant $ex appeal! Best video of 2012! All hail the Queen Of $kank$!

JamesF said...

This review is more than I could ever have dreamed it would be...

Anonymous said...

dead @ frank ocean comment!

Anonymous said...

My god...what a let down, this video is so uninspired and cheap looking. Don't even care for Tra$ha but her videos are always top grade. Next!

Ke$hu$ #1 whore$hipper tommie said...

^ Lady Gaga?

Mike said...

^ Rihanna

Anonymous said...

Actually it's Beyonce but that's irrelevant.

Anonymous said...

Irrelevant - just like the skin bleaching bayonce!

Anonymous said...

I die at your gaga shade let the queen BE. But anywho. The epic dance moves Kehoe did in this masterpiece >>>>>>> Where Have You Been?!

$ said...

ich liebe 'die young'!

but theres something true about this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=raLPHOZzAyo

:>