Sunday, October 28, 2012

From Anal Sextape To Timbaland-Produced Club Banger - Noelia's Stunning Ascent

I was combing through the US club chart a couple of days and saw an unfamiliar name sitting pretty at number two. After minutes of laborious research, I had learned four important facts about Noelia:

1. She's Puerto Rican and had a bunch of hits on the Latin chart about a decade ago
2. Her career was derailed in 2007 when a sextape of her being fucked up the arse by rapper Yamil leaked online
3. The backdoor bandit is gunning for J.Lo's Latin-pop crown with an English-language club track allegedly produced by Timbaland (if so, this is the low/highlight of his career)
4. I never knew true art until I saw her classy single cover

It goes without saying that Noelia is my new favourite diva. "My Everything" is a cute piece of heavily-accented dance-pop, made infinitely more fabulous by the Playmate-tastic softcore video (below). The 33-year-old is clearly embracing her scandalous past and using it to her advantage. So far it seems to be working. Sure, the US club chart is a veritable graveyard for has-beens but it's unusual for (relative) unknowns to perform so well. That means Noelia either has some serious backing or people really like it. Good for her. I have my fingers crossed she tops the chart next week!

Excitingly, you can download "My Everything" from Australian iTunes. Perhaps it's time for a promo visit. We love hookers with battered arseholes in this country!


noelster said...

similar name and loves anal sex? i just found my halloween costume inspiration! ordering a sequin bustier and busted wig from party city right NOW!

Brad said...

She's filth but I like this trash

Anonymous said...

only on this website would you read this headline!

Mike said...

Yeah I do my best.