Saturday, September 29, 2012

Lordtina Is Now The Patron Saint Of Toilet Sex: 'Your Body' - Video Review


It's finally here! Christina Aguilera's "Your Body" visual dropped this morning and I'm still reeling from its brilliance. First things first. The preview was misleading. I thought Xtina was going to spend most of the clip guzzling beer in a trailer park like Beyoncé in "Party" but that's just a tiny piece of the puzzle. The always-edgy music legend actually plays a horny femme fatale who goes on an extremely colourful murder spree. In an unusual but possibly inspired dieting strategy, Christina swaps cake for cock. And she's as insatiable as ever!

Lordtina fucks in cars, sleazy motel rooms and a toilet cubicle. Which pretty much confirms that she's a gay man trapped in a woman's body. This also explains why she looks like a contestant on RuPaul's Drag Race.  The thing is - it works. Xtina has always been a more-is-more kinda girl. She would look naked without a kilo of make-up and enough fake hair to insulate a house. I love the way the director camps up the murders by using paint and glitter instead of blood and the scene where Christina poses by the side of the road on her suitcase like a cracked out teletubby is so fucking ridiculous/amazing that I have no choice but to watch it on repeat.

Time will tell if "Your Body" is powerful enough to break the curse of Bionic. It debuted in the US top 40 this week and has been fairly stable on iTunes after an initial post-release dip. Fingers crossed radio gives Xtina a chance and she hits the TV circuit to promote it. Pop needs this bitch to get her groove back. Someone has to keep tireless publicity whores like Rihanna and Lady Gaga in check. This is a good start.

8/10

10 comments:

Anonymous said...

this video is every bit amazing, and as for the song it's a perfect comeback tune for Geniustina.

I just hope RCA kept their fucking herring-scented hands off 'Lotus' tracklist and finally gives our girl some decent promotion.

Srsly, I know I'm stanning for this ho, but we need this bitch in the industry.

Kodak said...

Madonna: "What it Feels Like for a Girl" anyone?

Bruce said...

Loves it! My faves could never! You're so right, Xtina works best when more is more! And her hair does look like it would make for good house insulation, I think you may have solved the energy crisis!

But this video proves how psychotic Xtina is. Why on earth would you dispose of such hot mens?


RobB said...

I like it, and I know I will buy it if it's going to be a pure pop-heaven, but still it doesn't really grab me (yet). To be honest, it sounds a bit like certain songs on Agnes's latest album «Veritas», while her look seems to be inspired by Nicki Minaj. :/

I'm way more curious about the yet-to-be-released album «Life On Mars» by The Veronicas; the single «Lolita» made a brill impact IMHO! :D

Bruce said...

And after exhausting Gaga's repertoire, Xtina is now stealing Snooki's look.

Anonymous said...

"In an unusual but possibly inspired dieting strategy, Christina swaps cake for cock."

FUCKING DEAD

Mike said...

Geniustina... I'm going to use that!

Anonymous said...

thank you! not my invention, but it still feels amazing, since I love this classy blog. your review of '3 words' was legendary!

Anonymous said...

I LOVE THIS VIDEO!

Anonymous said...

She is such a rank skank!