Thursday, June 07, 2012

Why Can't They Let Nicole Be Great?


Like millions of people around the world, I lined up to see Men In Black 3 for one reason - the critically (un-)acclaimed acting debut of R&B legend Nicole Scherzinger. The former Pussycat Doll's three minute cameo revived the flop movie  franchise but her glorious visage is nowhere to be seen on the film's poster. What's going on? After minutes hours of research into this shocking oversight, I settled on three possible culprits.

1. Rihanna thwarted Nicole's moment in the sun. Bitch obviously knew Hitzinger's movie would murder Battleship at the box office and preemptively snatched her wig. Rude. 

2. Fearful that the most beautiful woman alive would drive a wedge between her parent's fake marriage, Willow jumped on Photoshop to delete the film's true star from advertising. 

3. Nicole pulled the posters herself. Knowing the publicity would result in a mass stampede for copies of Killer Love, the precious Puakenikeni put her millions of fans first and bowed out gracefully. So selfless!

It's a tragedy but one hard-hitting news agency paid tribute to the diva's soon-to-be legendary film debut with a stunning report about Nicky's scene-stealing ways (below). Could you fave overcome these hurdles and still be in the running for an Oscar? Bow down.

11 comments:

Michael said...

it is totally reason #3.

Hasa said...

LFMAO!!! Love it!

Anonymous said...

Most beautiful woman alive? She looks a monkey.

Darkwing Duck said...

#2 has me in stitches. Good lord!

Adam said...

I am not a fan of her, but I have to admit, she is beautiful and talented. Her perceived 'bitchiness', poor management, and age (33 is old for a pop star just starting) will keep her from ever becoming big in the US.

noelster said...

hard-hitting investigative journalism at it's very best! <3

Me said...

I blame that bitter FLOP "actress" Jada Pinkett who was clearly jealous of Nicoles staggering talents and beauty!

Cyber said...

Hard hitting investigative journalism which harkens back to the days of Dannii's Dirty Box.

John said...

I would love to watch this movie, i heard so much good things about it, this is the best action movie for me , i am a fond of Sc-Fi Movies



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Mike said...

It's nice to see so many of Nicole's killer lovers comment. At this rate one of her albums will actually be released!

nick said...

Nicole is not the most beautiful woman alive. I don't find her beautiful at all! Why is she called an R&B legend? She's no legend!