This is a hard post for me to write. Not only does it pain me to shade Queen Kylie but, for someone that has been in the game longer than most of us have been alive, she has rarely put a foot wrong. I worship the new and improved Dannii's SAW output, obsess over the Deconstruction era and love the vast majority of her Parlophone singles. However, the stinker that is "Timebomb" - sorry, I did try - has got me thinking about a couple of the diva's other, rare missteps. Most of these songs are still better than your fave's finest moment but here are Kylie's worst singles according to moi:
5. Lhuna - Coldplay featuring Kylie (Audio)
Do you remember when Chris Martin said this meandering turd didn't make Viva La Vida because it was "too sexy"? That's obviously code for "fucking rubbish". Kylie basically mumbles her way through this five minute cure for insomnia sounding even more bored than the three people that bought it to raise money for AIDS awareness. I love the employed Minogue's collaborations but this belongs in the bin next to "Sometime Samurai".
4. Timebomb (Video)
The idea was right - something current and commercial that dabbles in chart-friendly electro beats but the execution is abysmal. Horrible production, pointless lyrics and a non-existent chorus turned this into a chart bomb. Pun intended. Read my full review here.
3. Kids - Robbie Williams and Kylie (Video)
Yeah, I know it helped revive Kylie's career in a lot of countries and remains a radio staple to this very day but I hated this rank duet then and it still leaves me cold. Not that the dreary pop/rock ballad is entirely useless. I always take "Kids" as my cue to run to the toilet or bar during concerts and it did give Dannii an opportunity to perform in front of an audience larger than the 300 people that fronted up to her Hits & Beyond world tour at Sydney's Home nightclub.
2. Better Than Today (Video)
There really was no excuse for releasing this middle-of-the-road snooze as the third single from Aphrodite when there were genuinely great pop songs like "Cupid Boy" and "Closer" to choose from. The generic piece of filler killed the album and positioned the pop princess as an inane Mother's Day artist with no edge or personality. I have no idea what they were thinking. "Better Than Today" was the ultimate record label brain-fart. Talk about shooting yourself, and your artist, in the foot.
1. Giving You Up
At the time everyone was so excited about Kylie working with Xenomania. The production house had previously worked magic for divas like Cher and Dannii, and they were (inexplicably) lauded for their (generic) work with (flop) girlband Girls Aloud. Xenomania were also responsible for some fantastic leaked demos. It all pointed to a match made in heaven but, unfortunately, our girl got their sloppy seconds. "Giving You Up" is one of the worst songs Kylie has ever recorded - let alone released as a single. Lazy lyrics, tinny production and a god awful video clip (below) makes this the low point of her entire career. Happily, Xenomania redeemed themselves with "Heartstrings". It's my favourite track on Aphrodite and one of the prettiest mid-tempo ballads in recent memory.