Saturday, February 04, 2012

The Return Of M-old-onna

Madonna is smart. I'll give her that. "Give Me All Your Luvin'" is a triumph from a marketing perspective. Start a feud with Lady Gaga, hire Nicki Minaj for radio relevance and buy M.I.A.'s soul for credibility. Throw in a Super Bowl performance and a newly rejuvenated face and you have a hit single. But is it any good? The short answer is no.

To my ears, "Give Me All Your Luvin'" is the completely unnecessary sequel to "4 Minutes" - yet another embarrassing plea to be embraced by the kids. It wouldn't bother me as much if the track itself was forward-thinking and original but this is derivative beyond belief. For starters, cheerleader chants have been done to death. Avril Lavigne, Kylie and Gwen Stefani all went there years ago and did it considerably better. Then there's the biggest problem. Martin Solveig basically just recycled his current club hit "Big In Japan". It's exactly the same song - only better because Martina from Dragonette isn't egotistical enough to chant her own name.

And what about feature creatures Nicki Minaj and M.I.A.? They are just used as comparatively youthful scenery. Onika gets a tiny rap while her formerly hip partner-in-crime is reduced to shouting a couple of lines before fading into the background. The annoying thing is - Lady Gaga has made electronic music palatable to US radio programmers again. Madonna could have come back with another "Music" or "Ray Of Light" and it would have generated just as much attention without making her look ten shades of desperate.

As for the video, it's a fail too. The horizontal walking is stolen from Kylie's last concert tour (look up "Wow" on YouTube) and I'm bored with all the self-referential garbage. She looks utterly ridiculous in that whit dress. Looks like Lady Gaga gets the last laugh. Fuck all of our lives!

RATING: 3.5/10


15 comments:

Calen said...

I love you. I feel the exact same. The excitement and hype over this is ridiculous.

John said...

"The annoying thing is - Lady Gaga has made electronic music palatable to US radio programmers again. Madonna could have come back with another "Music" or "Ray Of Light" and it would have generated just as much attention without making her look ten shades of desperate."

Truth.

Me said...

The CRONE OF POOP strikes again! This latest SHITEFEST is even more DESPERATE and PATHETIC than Fart Shandy! Of course her MUPPETS are lapping it up the way they always do and even have the nerve to claim its original, unique and groundbreaking!

The bit with the baby is good though.

Chris said...

I would have liked to see Kylie do that horizontal walking but I've watched some performances of Wow now and couldn't find it.

By the way I agree with everything you said about that desperate old thing M.

Anonymous said...

put a minus in front of that 3.5 and you have the right score out of ten

lemmon pablo said...

I do think it works, I guess that M is becoming way more insecure, like if she can't stand the whole hype alone, she needs always another one in her first single. At this point, it seems that M is no longer creating music for the fans, and she's just trying to reach the younger audience. And I do like the cheerheader thing, it's comical and not as self indulgent as we could have got, expecting from her.

Sexbox said...

I agree with lemmon. It's refreshing to see Madonna not throw her spirituality in our faces disguised as a pop song for the first time in YEARS. The video is cute, tongue in cheek and funny. As for her guest stars, I think its just a shrewd business move to be quite honest. It's what her career has been based on. I think the guest appearances only add to the song in a good way. I am more curious to hear the rest of her album. the lead singles from her last 4 albums have been utter shit compared to the rest of the tracks.

And you do make a good point, a full on dance single would have been brilliant but "Celebration" was hardly groundbreaking so be careful what you wish for. I say lets wait for the complete album. It could surpise us! American Life was more about the sappy acoustic ballads that the what we initially were given.....the Music album was crap after the brilliant electro jam of the first single....and Ray of Light was a dancefloor burner considering it's lead single was a ballad.

Bottom line, Madonna has made it 30 years in the business (while the Jessica Simpsons and Christina Agulieras have been flushed down the toilet) because she is a coniving,cut-throat, smart, manipulative business woman.

Brad said...

The song isn't bad. In fact, I don't mind it. The problem is, I know that she is capable of doing so much more. She was known for her iconic, forward thinking pop records. This is "reductive" by her standard. It's just another pop song, like "4 Minutes". I wish she would just focus on the music instead of worrying about whether she will still be relevant or not. She took the safe option. Safe song, safe lyrics, safe features and the Superbowl promotion of course.

Christophe said...

I did not like 4 minutes and HARD CANDY was weak...But I like this new video...fun , pop like she used to do in the 80s...Please Do not over anlyse it, just enjoy it, it's good pop music. And we should cherish what we got. Madonna is one of the last worldwide mega star left. Concerning Gaga, the jury is still out, only 2 albums and BORN THIS WAY was weak and forgetable...lets talk again in 10 years time.
LONGETIVITY is rare nowadays in POP, and we should respect that.

Anonymous said...

What about the cross? She goes to Kabbalah then wear a cross, hypocrite lamadone ...

Anonymous said...

I cant believe nobody is noticing how insecure Madonna is about her Ageing hands she covers them up all the time now with gloves or frilly sleeves.

Chris MCB said...

This is the most fun Madonna has been in years with the exception of Give It To Me and Celebration.

The dubstep breakdown was embarrassing when Brit Brit did it and is even worse when a 53 year old mother of four is trying to be hip to the kids....

I love Madonna and I love the song and the guest raps but you can do better love....

Hearing the album sampler, Turn Up The Radio is good and Masterpiece is her best ballad since Frozen.

Bruce said...

To recap, when Beyonce full on re-records the vocals to a Major Lazer track it's the most forward thinking music of all time but when Madonna's song sounds vaguely similar to another song her producer did once she's a #fail.

Madgefudger said...

(before I talk about the music, the video is just genius and groundbreaking, and that's what it is.) the song has grown on me, and I sincerely enjoy it as I enjoyed "lesser" Madonna songs like beautiful stranger, amazing, and burning up. the only real problem I have with this song is Madonna's voice. it sounds a little thinner than I would have liked. take any of these light songs I just mentioned: in beautiful stranger, her voice is beautiful and raw, and sounds rejuvenated by the prospect of love. in amazing she is hurt. in burning up, well, she is burning up. but in gayl, if she is something, is a strange mix of bored and defiant. some fans have been insisting that this song is a light pop product on the surface, disguising her deep disgust at all these girls trying to imitate her in her image and music, but not going deeper into what her real message is: be yourself, and don't be afraid to be different. just pay attention to the lyrics and read them as a critique to her imitators. that is why she brought nicki and mia: they embody her legacy better than the more obvious britneys and gagas. i am almost convinced that gayl is only tad short of brilliance...

Joey Collins said...

THIS IS SO SAD! It's been like, all year, and no one gives a shit about this horrendous song and corresponding MDNA album. I am so disappointed in M. Ever since she got her ass kicked for making the brilliant album that was American Life, she has slowly been going downhill. COADF was good but had some filler and lacking tracks and Hard Candy was also great but the same story was there, too.