Sunday, October 23, 2011

How Pattyboy Scalped Rihanna & Britney

Earlier this year I introduced Pattyboy as the worst pop star of all time. That post was very tongue in cheek but I did say that his music is better than half of "Born This Way" and expressed my admiration for the Kiwi's ambition in the face of no discernible talent. Things have changed since then. For starters, the vocally-challenged diva shocked everyone by rocketing to #49 on NZ iTunes with his latest well-meaning but painful anthem "Unicorn". That's the kind of chart position Anthony Callea or Darren Hayes would kill for! And it proves - for better or worse - that Pattyboy is developing a real fanbase. Good for him. As New Zealand's new King of Pop, the next step was dropping a visual worthy of his breakthrough smash and I'm sure we can all agree that he delivered the goods. In a week that saw disappointing new videos from fading-stars like Britney and Rihanna, one artist stepped up to the plate and hit a home run. It's so good that I'm using sports metaphors!

There is a lot to love about "Unicorn", from the stunning scenery to the exquisite "Run The World (Girls)"-esque choreography at 1:40 minutes, but for me it's all about Pattyboy's stunning fashion. Who else could team a green feathered tunic with white patent-leather boots?

While Rihanna ripped off Skins and Britney's body-double made out with her real-life boyfriend for attention, New Zealand's finest export shows that you can be visually interesting but remain tasteful by wrapping himself in toilet paper and dancing around in his mum's slippers. I could not remove my eyes from the screen. That sound you hear is wigs being snatched.

The heartthrob glams it up in his next outfit, wearing a suit jacket and little else. It's a bit too sedate for my liking. But points for trying something different.

And then the big finale. In an obvious tribute to Beyoncé's "Best Thing I Never Had" video, the powerhouse mumbler slips into an elegant wedding dress. The message is clear. Make a commitment to yourself before anyone else. It's a stunning climax to a video that touched me deeply on many levels. Watch in awe (below) as the future Kiwi pop legend makes your fave redundant.

11 comments:

tommie said...

He just ripped Bey's cheap Dereon-weave off her scalp. Officially annihiliated Katy Perry. Somewhere, Justin Bieber is in a corner sobbing.

My faves could never.

Jon said...

Dear lord! I have had more enjoyable root canal work. How much auto-tune can one boy use, and still sound that bad? And if you have two left feet and no rhythm, why try to dance? He's destined for the pinnacle of success alongside The Reynolds Girls and E-Male I reckon. Jx

Anonymous said...

am I wasting my time even commenting on this piece of f****** trash

Anonymous said...

The New Zealand Rick Roll revealed, death to my ears.

Not the right business to be in buddy.

Lana said...

Good on him for going out there and getting/doing what he wants. This is better than many people will achieve in a lifetime. You know those people.... work boring office jobs, write shitty blogs, dream of being a rockstar in the privacy of their bathroom? Yeah, them. Patty has beat them all ;)

Keep at it darling.

michael said...

Have you watched his announcement video? Are you the love he met in Sudney?

blake said...

who is this pathetic joke?

Angela said...

I love PattyBoy! He's like the Hot Dollar Lady Gaga.

Have you seen him live?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=guBGgfJZ9io&feature=related

Anonymous said...

A total disgrace!

limonce said...

At this rate of success, Patty Boy should be elevated to talent judge status in no more.

Look out X Factor New Zealand/ New Zealand's Got Talent/ The Voice New Zealand.

limonce said...

At this rate of success, Patty Boy should be elevated to talent show judge status in no time.

Look out X Factor New Zealand/ New Zealand's Got Talent/ The Voice New Zealand.