Tonje Langeteig is my new religion. I know her awe-inspiring anthem "I Don't Wanna Be A Crappy Housewife" is already getting major coverage on the blogosphere but I would feel remiss in my duties as a connoisseur of fine trash if I didn't throw in my two cents. Tonje first came to fame on the Norwegian version of Dating In The Dark. Her stunning curves and magnetic charisma could not be denied and millions of gays across Scandinavia petitioned for the busty blond to revolutionise pop music. At least that's how I like to think it happened! Her debut single has been torn apart by the usual snobs but "I Don't Want To Be A Crappy Housewife" is genuinely amazing. This touching and insightful glimpse into the cruel lifecycle of Norwegian cougars will leave you questioning the meaning of life.
The highly philosophical diva begins the song by declaring "I woke up one morning and I thought I was young but no no no my youth was gone". I wonder if this was originally written with Madonna in mind. But I digress. Tonje then flees to the disco to avoid her empty existence as housewife but obviously pops a dud pill because she begins pondering her own mortality, singing "when I'm six feet under, when I'm dead - I don't want dirt on me but make up instead". Lady Gaga wishes she wrote that lyric! The video is equally amazing. Our heroine rocks up to the world's worst nightclub with a couple of dicey looking hookers in tow before dancing with her rent-a-rapper. Oh and if you think Tonje is all looks and no talent, just watch this stunning live rendition of "I Don't Wanna Be A Crappy Housewife". Now we know where Britney got the inspiration for her BBMA performances from! Download this masterpiece - complete with world's worst cover and spelling mistakes - from iTunes now.