How odd that two of the biggest names in the history of music were born one day apart. Kylie turned 43 yesterday, while La Toya celebrates her 55th birthday today. Geminis must have global chart domination written in their DNA! These women have so much in common. Stunning beauty, mesmerising charisma, millions of adoring fans and less successful younger sisters with child-bearing hips. They really should do a duet! So how to honour the Benjamin Buttons of pop? I could dig out a million different YouTube clips that showcase her vocal brilliance and legendary stagecraft but I've decided to post La Toya's iconic starring role as a voodoo priestess in Counterstrike. If you haven't seen this, you're in for a treat. Every second is television gold! Watch in awe as the sexiest woman alive discusses the harsh reality of ageing:
Dowdy woman: "What about inner beauty?"
Toy: "There's no money in it!"
Toy Toy then goes all kinds of crazy on the poor bitch by carrying out an extremely camp voodoo ritual, which seems to involves a lot of ranting and sword wielding while wearing the most fabulous outfit of the 1980s. It all ends in disaster when Toy meets a completely unjust demise - she just wanted to remain pretty! - but I don't want to give too much away. I really think La Toya should return to acting after releasing her book, its accompanying soundtrack and new studio album. She was clearly robbed of Golden Globe glory for her breathtakingly convincing turn as a lunatic on Counterstrike and I'm sure her acting prowess has only deepened with the passage of time.Dear Toy, thank you for making the world a vastly more interesting place. May you still be startin' over when you're 100! Lots of love from your loyal soldier, Mike X