Monday, May 30, 2011

La Toya - Singer, Dancer, Actress, Legend

How odd that two of the biggest names in the history of music were born one day apart. Kylie turned 43 yesterday, while La Toya celebrates her 55th birthday today. Geminis must have global chart domination written in their DNA! These women have so much in common. Stunning beauty, mesmerising charisma, millions of adoring fans and less successful younger sisters with child-bearing hips. They really should do a duet! So how to honour the Benjamin Buttons of pop? I could dig out a million different YouTube clips that showcase her vocal brilliance and legendary stagecraft but I've decided to post La Toya's iconic starring role as a voodoo priestess in Counterstrike. If you haven't seen this, you're in for a treat. Every second is television gold! Watch in awe as the sexiest woman alive discusses the harsh reality of ageing:

Dowdy woman: "What about inner beauty?"
Toy: "There's no money in it!"

Toy Toy then goes all kinds of crazy on the poor bitch by carrying out an extremely camp voodoo ritual, which seems to involves a lot of ranting and sword wielding while wearing the most fabulous outfit of the 1980s. It all ends in disaster when Toy meets a completely unjust demise - she just wanted to remain pretty! - but I don't want to give too much away. I really think La Toya should return to acting after releasing her book, its accompanying soundtrack and new studio album. She was clearly robbed of Golden Globe glory for her breathtakingly convincing turn as a lunatic on Counterstrike and I'm sure her acting prowess has only deepened with the passage of time.

Dear Toy, thank you for making the world a vastly more interesting place. May you still be startin' over when you're 100! Lots of love from your loyal soldier, Mike X


tommie said...

"I'm as young as I wanna be and THAT is the real secret of beauty" - too true!

It's a shame Toy hasn't been more on tv. People don't know what they're missing!

Happy 55th Toy Toy! And I guess a Rebbie should have a great day too.

Tommy said...

fuck the golden globes. our toy is above all accolades. she's a SCREEN LEGEND. (except nobody knows it). I THINK I'LL PLAY CAMP KUCHI KAIAI 55 TIMES AT FULL VOLUME IN HONOUR OF THIS HOLIDAY.

Me said...

Happy Birthday Toy! May you forever Feel The Funk like your loyal Toy Soldiers!

Anonymous said...

lmao is that show on dvd?

Mike said...

LOL unfortunately Counterstrike isn't on DVD (that I know of). I'm convinced it would be a bestseller though!

Anonymous said...

latoya jackson dont understand add so aks you famil tohelpmetomailthing forme and aksto more places tohelp you out

Jamie B said...

So beautiful, the final scene brings a tear to my eye. Sensational stuff.