Sunday, April 03, 2011

An Open Letter To Lady Gaga

Dear Lady Gaga,

You are one shady bitch. I loved your first two albums - you know, when you actually made fun music - and couldn't care less if you recycle Madonna's entire back catalogue but the time has come to stop ripping off La Toya. I know it's hard not to be inspired by the greatest vocalist of the past 25 years. Toy Toy's own sister spent decades jackin' her swagger but at least Janet had the decency to become a massive flop and disappear, while you continue to rob the Priestess of Pop blind. At first I thought your La Toya obsession was cute. It's clear she's everything you aspire to be (and more) but your latest image is the final straw. You're obviously trying to con Toy Toy's tens of fans into buying your new album by dressing up as her long lost twin sister. Well, I'm on to you and plan to expose your evil trickery to the world. Listed below are six irrefutable examples of your thieving ways. In the words of the great one herself - it's time to get correct!

Yours in utter disgust,


Example 1: Her new look

It annoys me that deluded monsters hail Lady Gaga's alien look as innovative and cutting edge when La Toya has been compared to extra-terrestrials for years. Compare the following pics. Need I say more?

Example 2: Taking to the runway

When the world's least original pop star walked the runway for Tierry Mugler fans fell over themselves proclaiming Gaga a fashion icon. If only they knew the Benjamin Button of pop stole the idea from Toy Toy.

Example 3: Hitching her wagon to Beyoncé

One of the smartest moves Gaga ever made was roping in the services of the vastly more popular and critically acclaimed music icon Beyoncé to give her some credibility and class. Only, you guessed it. Toy Toy got there first!

Example 4: Red carpet publicity whoring

Mother Monster's arrival at this year's Grammy Awards made international headlines but the bitch has nothing on the thinking man's Jackson, who has turned red carpet whoring into an artform. Even if no one's there!

Example 5: The Eiffel Tower

One of Toy Toy's most iconic photoshoots took place in front of the Eiffel Tower, so I guess it was only a matter of time before Gaga tried to emulate her glamorous idol.

Example 6: Ripping off Madonna

Lady Gaga thought she was so clever ripping off "Express Yourself" but it's clear she got the idea from La Toya, who scored a massive top 30 smash (in Holland) some 20 years earlier with a song that samples "Like A Virgin". Compare "Born This Way" with the vastly superior "Sexbox" below.


The Prophet said...

I love ur sarcasm!

Especially the part when u said Beyonce was talented and critically acclaimed or something. So funny!

And poor desperate GaGa stealing from Toy. Janet's mentally disturbed transvestite anorexic sister worked hard for her horrid flops, and now Flopga has just come and stolen them all.

But anyway, u forgot to mention GaGa's biggest act of thievery yet -- does the "Born this Way" COUNTRY version ring any bells? It was CLEARLY inspired by LaToya's "From Nashville to You".

GentlemanGaGa said...

So many tension and pressed-ness from The Prophet! Embrace toy in all of her extension!!! It clear that toy is a trendsetter, not the other way around!

and ewwww @ beywulf! I cant believe u even compared toy's genius catalogue vs that hooka!

bomitoni said...

Toy has more fabulousness in her left nipple than Lady Caca does in her entire body. Clearly she's jealous of Toy's beauty, charisma and talent. 3 things Tranny Gaga doesn't & will never have. Bravo! This is the greatest POST ever! I saw we start a campaign to get it nominated for a Pulitzer Prize!!!! ¡Viva Toy Toy!

Bruce said...


Just Dance=Just Wanna Dance



Thank you for drawing light to Gaga's swaggerjacking. No wonder La Toya has announced she's finished making music!

John said...

You had me from the ET photo. Can you do another one of these for Katy Perry?

The Pop Bitch said...

latoya should get one of these...

toyfan said...

love that article, lot of fun! I was also glad to listen to sexbox where ToyToy had the great idea to make a tribute to James Brown (like a sex machine) and Gloria Estefan (la fiesta del amor) but maybe it's THIS song of La Toya that inspired Madonna's for her book "sex" everyone knows she was jealours of the playboy success of the Diva!!

Anyway have you seen this recent funny interview where Jan say Toy is a diva?!...

Me said...

Yet another shameless celebrity ripping off the Duchess Of Dance!

The only thing unique and edgy about CaCa is her inexplicably saggy 30AA's

Speaking Of Saggy CaCa, I was reading in the National Enquirer that Beyawnsay vs CRAPalotta is THE celebrity feud of the year after Solanges sister took offence at the Dress In The Dark "singers" excessive publicity seeking and refusal to take to the red carpet with class, dignity and enough cleavage to give Dannii masturbatory material for her Easyjet sojorns! Team B!

Jon said...

Mike, you are a genius of satire... Jx

Anonymous said...

i just can't... lol!

michael said...