It's been a week since the premiere of "E.T." and I'm still finding new things to love about Katy Perry's latest video. In fact, there's only one thing I'd change about it and that's the completely redundant Kanye West cameo. I haven't been this annoyed by a tacked on rap since Mims ruined "All I See"! Apart from that, "E.T." is pretty flawless. The clip suits the song perfectly and has made people excited about music videos again. Which makes the criticism directed at it all the more confounding. Seeing as Katy is too busy celebrating her 5th US number one hit to give a shit - she now has more than Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera - I thought I'd respond for her.
1. It rips off Lady Gaga's "Born This Way" video
Are you derelict homosexuals for real? Sure, they are both set in space but that's where the similarities end. Gaga's grim manifesto is a pretentious exercise in shock value, while Katy's clip plays like "WALL•E - The Musical". The storylines, costumes and art direction could not be more different. Mother monster's desperate need to be edgy is palpable. Pop's favourite one time faux lesbian, on the other hand, is just happy to look pretty floating around in her alien make-up. That might sound like a dis but Katy's entire "American Dream" marketing campaign has been built on kitsch and the diva somehow manages to bring that innate cuteness to the album's darkest song. For the record, I'm choosing to forget that "Circle The Drain" exists.
2. It has no plot
Excuse me but this shit is the intergalactic Dr Zhivago! Here's my interpretation of the plot. Alien Katy is being used as a sex slave by Cuntye in that sick pod. Because that's the kind of slimy shit he'd pull in space. One day she has some kind of psychic connection with a broke down robot on a deserted planet, who is rotting away on the scrapheap - much like Ashanti. So Katy jumps ship, transforms into a sexy humanoid and learns all about his shithole planet as she plummets through space towards her soulmate. It's a long journey so she has plenty of time to experiment with her hair and try on a few different outfits. By the end of the song, the persistent bitch lands and brings that fucker to life. Probably by humming "Ur So Gay" into his robot ear. They both change into their true selves and life happily ever after. You mad?
3. This blockbuster is a publicity stunt to nab her 4 consecutive US number ones hits
No shit. What did you expect - a $200 fiasco like "Better Than Today"? Katy's record label actually has some idea what they're doing.