Monday, April 18, 2011

Kate Ryan, let's call a truce!

Don't fuck with Kate Ryan! I learned that lesson the hard way when I referenced Belgium's gift to pop music in my Adya post and was consequently flooded with irate emails telling me to sit down and shut the hell up. Are you bitches really gonna do me like that? Who else in the Southern Hemisphere devoted an entire ten minutes to reviewing the diva's iconic collection of French covers and then spent a small fortune importing it from Europe? My hard earned cash helped pay for Kate's new 'soccer mum' hairstyle! To prove, once and for all, that I have the Belgian Madonna's back, I thought I'd write a post about her new smash. Despite the damage the cover is doing to my eyesight.

Kate deserves a lot of credit for reviving her career with 2008's excellent "Free", which performed well across Europe and established the 30-year-old (*cough*) as one of the continent's leading dance divas. Hell, she even had the honour of recording not one but two duets with Spain's legendary Soraya! Expectations are understandably sky high then for her 5th studio album. So, it's unfortunate that "LoveLife" is an underwhelming experience. Before you pull out your poison pens, let me explain. Kate's last few singles ("Voyage Voyage", "Ella, elle l'a" and "Évidemment" etc) were of such a high standard, that anything less than amazing was going to be a letdown. Don't get me wrong, "LoveLife" is far from awful - in fact, I rather like the cheerfully inane lyrics and Eurotrash production - but it sounds like a reject from 2006's "Alive" and that's not good enough for a global star of this calibre.

On the bright side, I'm sure there's better material on the album and "LoveLife" will, no doubt, be another smash in her key markets of Belgium and Poland. Maybe Kate could collaborate with Kat DeLuna on her next single? She also hangs out in Brussels and has plenty of time on her hands. But I digress. The best thing about the return of Ms Ryan is the classy, big-budget video extravaganza (below), which finds the evergreen beauty walking the catwalk as a supermodel. Prepare to get hard!

7 comments:

Diva Incarnate said...

Mike, I love this!

She looks so pleased with herself, winking away - I love how she feels the need to boast about her gigantic vagina 54 seconds in (she's got room for everyone). It even gets a standing ovation when she comes out in the green coat and starts flashing it (2:39).

What a pro!

Anonymous said...

i want to be pissed at u but i literally lol'd 3 times reading the post so ill let ur kate hate slide!!

Mike said...

I don't hate Kate! We're even BFFs on Twitter <3

Me said...

I can't believe this DIRE hasbeen and FLOP still has a contract / career / fan!

Just as long as she doesn't reveal her secret to DULLta...

Tiago Nunes said...

You forgot to mention another key market for Miss Ryan: Spain! We loooooove her!

Anonymous said...

You also forget that the UK love Kate too, she is an amazing artist with an amazing voice and can actually sing!!

Anonymous said...

Ha..
Australian wannabe-blogger tries to judge European music stuff...

Listen to country and crap-aussie-rock and don't get your hands on europop then