With speculation about Beyoncé's all conquering comeback spreading across the internet like hot butter on burnt toast, it's getting hard to separate rumour from fact. We know she's currently filming the video clip because stills have surfaced but there is still no confirmation as to whether the track is actually called "Girl" - let alone accurate information about who produced it or even an indication of the genre. So until I have some facts, I thought I'd write a brief post on the thoughtful diva's plan to shape up America's youth by making them dance to a new version of "Get Me Bodied" called "Move Your Body". This is the biggest development in the battle of the bulge since stomach stapling. Do you have any idea how many calories it takes to pop your pussy that rhythmically? She truly is an angel!
Given her revolutionary contribution to weight loss, I feel a bit guilty that the highlight of Bey's Let's Move promo video is a scene where she demolishes an apple with enough attitude to scalp the entire cast of RuPaul's Drag Race. I feel even worse that it makes me want to score pot, grab a burger and watch Cazwell videos on YouTube. Well, one clip in particular. "I Seen Beyoncé At Burger King" is one of my favourite songs of all time. The underground classic has only grown in popularity since 2009 and I think the gay rapper should re-release it to celebrate Round IV! It's still more addictive than crack and the lyric "she had her freakum dress on from the House of Dereon" is better than anything Eminem's entire career. So grab a snack, fantasise about running into Beyjesus at your local take-away and brace yourself for the Cazwell experience.