Rebecca Black is the biggest pop culture phenomenon since Justin Bieber. That, dear friends, is just a heart warming fact. Since the future Grammy award winner's debut appeared on Comedy Central's blog a couple of day ago - under the cruel title "Songwriting Isn't For Everyone" - almost five and a half million people have tuned in to watch it. Those numbers put the 13 year old diva up there with Rihanna and Gaga. An amazing feat, particularly when you consider "Friday" has been roundly declared the worst song ever recorded. By stone deaf haters. Seriously, are these sad fuckers listening to the same track? I hear the voice of an autotuned angel and some of the finest lyrics ever scrawled onto a beer stained napkin by a paraletic songwriter under the influence of a variety of hard drugs.
Let's get real for a second. As one of my friends Joe quipped, Rebecca makes Kim Kardashian sound like Celine Dion and lines like "gotta get down to the bus, gotta catch my bus" left some critics wondering if the song was a work of satire - it's not - but I genuinely adore this fabulous piece of trash and happily spent $1.69 to download it from iTunes. Why? Because it's as catchy as it is hilarious. Moreover, it's refreshingly unpretentious and ten times better than anything on "Femme Fatale" including the song that Ke$ha wrote. "Friday" rises above the fact that Rebecca sounds like a water damaged Espresso machine to be one of the best songs of 2011. Yes, I said it!
Interestingly, this masterpiece is the handiwork of Ark Factory (or the new Stock Aitken Waterman as I like to call them). They specialise in writing songs for undiscerning rich girls who want to be pop stars and their conveyor belt approach to production and stunning lack of attention to detail is breaktaking. If they are the new SAW then I guess that makes Rebecca the new Kylie. A blank canvas that gets through some of the most dubious lyrics ever written with an oblivious smile on her face and genuine enthusiasm. And as I wrote in my Sydney Star Observer review - what else was the poor bitch supposed to sing about? Gettin' crunk in tha club? She's 13 years old!
Here are ten reasons why you should embrace Rebecca Black as the new Queen of pop and acknowledge "Friday" as a piece of modern poetry:
1. The clip's amazingly tacky animated intro
2. "Gotta have my bowl, gotta have cereal"
3. Rebecca's front seat vs back seat dilemma - talk about Sophie's Choice!
4. It has a chorus for the ages ("Friiiday, Friiiiday, gettin' down on Friiiday")
5. The bored/humiliated look on her friends' faces
6. Does she really say "we're gettin' German on the highway"?
7. The scene stealing cameo from the incredibly uncoordinated girl in the pink dress
8. Bec is totally hood for a 13 year old, rocking that party!
9. It's educational - "Yesterday was Thursday, Today is Friday... Tomorrow is Saturday and Sunday comes afterward"
10. The best rent-a-rapper since Jazzi P
Watch in awe.
FUN, FUN, FUN!