Friday, October 29, 2010

Ke$ha's Cannibal - My Psychic Review

The tracklist for Ke$ha's "Cannibal" has finally hit the net and the song titles alone have sent the blood rushing to my man parts. I'm convinced the holy pop icon/genre defining musical maverick has the album of the year on her hands. "We R Who We R" is already a #1 smash on US iTunes and the just leaked "Sleazy" showcases Ke$ha's incomparable versatility. There hasn't been a move this unexpected since Paris revived reggae with "Stars Are Blind"! The anticipation is killing me. So instead of waiting until the 22nd of November to review the legendary diva's sure to be stunning opus, I thought I'd do it now. Sure, I've only heard three tracks but I'm not going to let a minor detail like that rain on my parade. So after dusting off my crystal ball, consulting my tarot cards and dialling mystic Meg - here is my pre-release review of "Cannibal":

1. Cannibal

The opening track is bound to be a generation defining anthem. Ke$ha is known for her subtle, ambiguous lyrics - so this could be about anything but the spirits are telling me it's a metaphor for reinvention set to a hard electro background with a spine tingling chorus. Think Lady Gaga's "Monster" - only 100 times better.

2. We R Who We R

Ke$ha's stunning commentary on gay suicide has already been widely acknowledged as a modern classic and should sweep next year's Grammy awards. There's not a lot to say apart from your faves could never!

3. Sleazy

I have to admit this Bangladesh produced jam tested my faith in our Queen. Under normal circumstances, I'd suggest Ke$ha leave the urban club bangers for true hood divas like Jessica Mauboy and Willow Smith but after three or four listens I was completely hooked. "Sleazy" (bottom of post) is the hip hop song of the year. This inspiring anthem will provide solace to reformed gold diggers everywhere, while the lyric "beats so phat gonna make me cum" will live on forever. Amazing.

4. Blow

Hmmm, the cards tell me Ke$ha has penned a tune about snorting coke from a toilet seat while being fucked from behind. Either that or it's an alt-country ballad about inflating balloons. You decide.

5. The Harold Song

Obviously a touching tribute to Ian Smith from Neighbours.

6. Crazy Beautiful Life

I'm thinking a cover of Seal's "Crazy" mashed with the Ace of Base classic "Beautiful Life".

7. Grow A Pear

The lazy interpretation of this title is another song about a bad boyfriend who needs to grow a pair of balls and be a man. But that's too obvious for one of the sharpest minds of our times. Rather, I suspect Ke$ha's has written a song about organic farming in a bid to singlehandedly stop global warming. Grow a pear, people!

8. C U Next Tuesday

Originally titled "C.U.N.T.", this song has been doing the rounds for a couple of years now. I'm glad she finally included it on "Cannibal" because it's always been one of my faves - and the closest Ke$ha will probably ever get to a cute, low key semi-acoustic ballad.

9. Animal (Billboard Remix)

The title track of her glorious debut really should have been a single, so I'm glad to see it getting some love here. I'm hoping for a cheesy Almighty/Bimbo Jones-esque remix but knowing how Ke$ha likes to keep things dark and dirty, it will probably sound like a Marilyn Manson track from the 90s.



The Prophet said...




Mariah said...

A psychic review? PMSL - I've seen everything now.

I am loving "Sleazy" and it more than makes up for the disappointing and generic "We R..."

"The Harold Song" sounds like a dud, and I generally hate songs which have "song" in the title. However, it looks to have potential; maybe it's the sequel to "Dino$aur"?

Hearing Ke$ha tackle global warming will be a treat. She always has been an activist, calling out the backstabbers and those pathetic people who don't call back. Another global issue solved by her holiness!

tommie said...

As much as I love her inspirational and uplifting anthem We R Who We R, I must say Sleazy makes me get my swagga on!

Not since La Toya '88 has the urban music scene been shook to it's very core! Beyond epic.

Andrew said...

I'm all for poor taste, but it may just be too soon for gay suicide jokes.

Me said...

I predict the Queen Of Skanks will have another pop masterpiece on her hands! DIRE AphroSHITEe beware!

Pa Pa Americano said...


Sir, yes, sir THe Prophet!

As fir me, yumm... I, mean , BLEAH!

For mike, when will you start a kid-friendly version of PTA?

The Prophet said...

I support jokes about gay suicide. The poorer the taste, the better.

Jordan said...

@Andrew & The Prophet
Uh, Mike wasn't joking, gay suicide is what the song is about:

Anonymous said...

@The Prophet

You suck ass. The pain other people suffer through isn't a laughing matter. There's poor taste that's amusing, and then there's poor taste that's disgusting like you.

Mike said...

Thank you, Jordan. This is one of those rare occasions when I wasn't joking. People under-estimate the depth of Ke$ha's lyrical genius. We R Who We R is about gay teen suicide.

Now when is this going to leak because the wait is more than I can handle!

tommie said...

"Cannibal" is so amazing. I think I'll eat up an ex of mine to honour Queen Ke$hu$!!!!