Friday, June 18, 2010

La Toya's Stunning Triumph!

I've received a lot of hurtful emails this week accusing me of rudely ignoring the most significant musical moment of 2010. Rest assured, Toy Soldiers. La Toya's stunning triumph in Moscow did not go unnoticed. I was simply too overwhelmed by the magnitude of the occasion to write anything sensible. Our goddess finally had her moment in the sun and proved once and for all that she is the most beautiful and talented Jackson. In case you've been hiding under a rock or are just a sad, delusional Janatic - Toy Toy rocked the Muz-TV Awards show in Russia with an incredible rendition of Michael Jackson's "Earth Song". She was assisted by a couple of my favourite Eastern European pop stars (Dima Bilan, Sergey Lazarov etc) but there's no denying who the star of the show was. La Toya's otherworldly glamour and pitch perfect vocals had the crowd entranced from the second she took the stage wearing some of Michael's old pyjamas. There have been some libellous accusations that Toy Toy mimed but I won't even dignify that filth with a response. The Duchess of Dance spent most of the 90s touring the former Soviet block and a host of bankrupt African nations. She has nothing to prove! Anyway, sit back - grab some lube and a tissue - and prepare yourself for possibly the best performance of all time. The haters have been put in check!

15 comments:

John said...

Latoya looks as lost with the lipsync as the non-English speaking singers.

tommie said...

So much better than that tranny Lady DelusionalDouche.

Hidroboy said...

I don't know who's face scares me the most: if Latoya or Dima Bilan. But I still want to fuck him (although he looks more feminine than Latoya herself).

Seeing the other artists on the stage I know what Latoya's next step should be: EUROVISION.

And they should really learn how to make a lipsync; I mean the children on the back because all of the singers are perfect and I almost believe they were singing LIVE!! If it weren't by those creepy children dressed in white...

And who's that Cheryl Cole impersonator?

Anonymous said...

shit...0_o

D'luv said...

When are La Toya and Countess LuAnn collaborating on a cover of "I Just Can't Stop Loving You"? TRIUMPH!!!!

Anonymous said...

This is shit. Pure blasphemy.

discodevil said...

Oh my I thought it was Fergie at first. Bless Toy.

Me said...

Stunning! Russia got ROCKED! as The Pope Of Pop put some real emotion into the track, turning it into an anthem for the empoverished masses of Eastern Bloc nations!

Anonymous said...

um no.

Mike said...

I'm so dismayed by these sad, troll H8TRZ! Just admit that Toy Toy does it better and move on.

Johnny D said...

So good to see Russia put in check! I am praying to Allah that La Toya is able to spin off an album of duets aka Natalie Cole Unforgettable. It's the most dignified to do!

Bruce said...

What ABOUT killing fields? Is there a time?

What a rough lyric to have to come in on, yet ToyToy Triumphs! Her power vocals and emotive expressiveness prove why she's the True Queen of Pop!

Jamie_movietrip said...

HEAVEN!!!! Toy just proves what a generous diva she truly is by sharing her stage with those youngsters, and with her usual grace and dignity she put them all in check! I loved her 'woos' as well. Just sensational, and dare I say, an improvement upon the original. Bungalo Records should release it now.

Me said...

OMG the picture you created with Toy the animals & earth is sooo funny lol! La Toya is... amasing, maybe she's lipsync but with the most glittering costume of all music performers (on earth) you don't even notice, I think she could have make the whole song by herself, maybe not after all but who cares! Her blond friend just looks like Miranda in sex & the city!

michael said...

Hurry up and write your posts about Heart Don't Lie, Imagination and No Relations. Please.