Forgive me Ke$ha for I have sinned. Until tonight's free concert at Fox Studios, I couldn't decided if you were the second coming of Kylie or just a sleazy skank with beer breath and a couple of semi-catchy tunes. I'm ashamed to admit that I even had the audacity to award your seminal pop masterpiece "Animal" a measly 7/10 in a recent review. However, I've seen the light and finally comprehend the full extent of your greatness. When you hit the stage looking like a drag queen crossed with a racing car driver, I was struck by your luminescent beauty and magnetic charisma. Even your double chin and camel toe were utterly alluring. The thing is, you radiate a warmth and sincerity that completely took me by surprise. I expected the brat from your iconic videos but you came across as the (admittedly slutty) girl next door performing karaoke after downing one too many Bacardi Breezers. And I say that with love. There was no pretence about the show whatsoever. You seemed genuinely thrilled to be there and gave 110% back to the fans.
Opening with "Backstabber" was a bold move that paid off. As was launching into the searing social commentary otherwise known as "Party At A Rich Dude's House". I now realise how amazing that song is and will never doubt your lyrical genius again. The unexpected highlight of the show was "Dinosaur". Your stunning choreography (clapping your hands and bumping into your guitarist) made Lady Gaga look like Bobo the clown, while your powerhouse vocals were pitch perfect. You then worked a miracle by making "Blah Blah Blah" bearable and closed the set in fine style by dragging out "Tik Tok". It was difficult to hear you over the army of 15 year old girls singing along but what I could make out was heavenly. Coming over to hug and greet your fans - I feel deeply honoured to have touched the rat's nest doubling as your hair - was a nice touch and no one in the audience will ever forget being sprayed by your glitter gun. I imagine it's the closest I'll ever get to a Bukkake session with Jesus. Anyhoo, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for questioning you in the past. You are the Bob Dylan of our generation and will go down in history as one of music's greatest storytellers. Now please release "Stephen" or "Kiss N Tell" as your next single and hurry back to Australia with a full concert tour to bring your magic to the masses.