Mutya gives her verdict on "Sweet 7"It's a sad day for pop music when the new Sugababes' album is only twice as good as the last Girls Aloud offering. Once upon a time you could bank on The Babes making their rivals look even more tragic than usual. While the racist and her talentless friends churned out the same old shit year after year, Keisha & co continued to mix up their sound and brought some much needed class and dignity to the charts - regardless of the seemingly endless line up changes. The ship really should have sunk with Mutya's departure but the group somehow managed to survive without the realest girl in pop. "Catfights and Spotlights" was disappointing but eventually grew on me and I thought "Get Sexy" was a good omen for their 7th album. The ladies seemed back on track until Keisha was shown the door and it became blindingly obvious that she was the glue keeping the group together all these years. As far as I'm concerned the Sugababes officially died when Jade Ewen signed on. I could deal with horsey Heidi and crazy Amelle as replacements but a floptastic Eurovision failure with the charisma of a burst colostomy bag? Was Mel Blatt too busy?
Despite my disillusion with the brand, I was still genuinely excited about "Sweet 7". The line up of producers is mouth watering. RedOne, Stargate, Fernando Garibay and Toby Gad have created some of the best songs of all time. The Sugababes might be a complete farce but it's impossible to get the music wrong with all these heavyweights, right? Apparently not. I'm a huge fan of American pop but this album represents everything wrong with it - recycled beats, generic lyrics and soulless mid-tempo ballads. There is an obvious hierachy when it comes to working with the A List and the Sugababes got Beyoncé and Rihanna's hand me downs. Hell, I think they got the shit Jordin Sparks rejected! It's easy to point the finger at the producers or the record company for ruthlessly pursuing the US market but other British acts have effortlessly jumped on board the American pop bandwagon (see my recent posts on Livvi Franc and Tania Foster for starters), so the blame has to lie with Heidi, Amelle and Jade. They simply simply don't click as a group and are completely out of touch with their fanbase. The girls need to change their name or pull the plug. "Sweet 7" is the final nail in the Sugababes' rotting coffin.
I'm not going to give the album a proper track by track review because I find it too depressing. However, here is my cheat sheet to "Sweet 7":
A decent lead single that sounds infinitely better when you're off your face in a club. The song will always hold a special place in my heart due to the band's surprise appearance on Pop Trash Addicts to promote it. Their hints on getting sexy (below) have been a constant source of amusement to me.
Wear My Kiss
"Wear My Kiss" is the best track on the album by a very wide margin. Fernando Garibay has been on a tear recently - delivering killer tracks for Lady GaGa and Whitney - and he continues to impress. I have a feeling this is going to be a massive flop but it's the only song on the album that Version 2.0 would have touched with a ten foot pole. Make sure you download the glorious WAWA remix from iTunes. It's one of my favourite tunes of 2010. Brilliant.
About A Girl
Keisha's version > Jade's version. But they're both RedOne on autopilot.
Wait For You
This doesn't quite scale the same heights as "Wear My Kiss" but it's a decent slice of uptempo dance-pop with a surprisingly cute chorus. It just sounds suspiciously similar to Lady GaGa's vastly superior "No Way" - a song Fernando previously submitted for "The Fame Monster".
Thank You For The Heartbreak
The Sugababes go electro with a little help from Stargate. Sounds amazing? It isn't.
Miss Everything (Featuring Sean Kingston)
A three and a half minute lesson in how to be a gold digging skank. Siobhán is lying in the foetal position somewhere clutching her copy of The Female Eunuch begging Jesus for forgiveness.
She's A Mess
This unveiled attack on Mutya is completely unnecessary. It's not her fault "she's sweating bullets" and "her heels are broke". You try dragging those butt implants around the club! Mut Mut will have her revenge!
Give It To Me Now
The clown behind Cheryl Cole's "Parachute" was responsible for this mess. Enough said.
Crash & Burn
OK, I like this. Toby Gad's ballads have a way of sucking me in - particularly Fergie's "Big Girls Don't Cry" and Bey's "If I Were A Boy". "Crash & Burn" isn't in the same league as those stunning anthems but it is lovely and one of the few songs on "Sweet 7" that showcases the fact that these women can actually sing. Unlike Girls Aloud.
No More You
Stargate's ability to recycle beats should be acknowledged by the Guinness Book Of World Records. I swear I've heard this song 500 times before and I'm pretty sure that almost all of them have been just as shit.
Sweet & Amazing
When I saw the title I expected a much deserved tribute to Keisha but it's just another mid-tempo ballad - albeit an unexpectedly cute one. This is worth a listen.
Little Miss Perfect
Trite, lame and embarrassing. A fitting conclusion to a diabolical album.
R.I.P Sugababes - thanks for the memories!