D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike (Aus) author of this classy blog.
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Poster Girl (US) writer of Poster Girl
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates
Even more exciting is the participation of one of my favourite Australian divas - the fierce and fabulous Robyn Loau. Robyn has featured on my blog many, many times over the years and I'm proud to welcome her as a celebrity guest judge. In case you've been living under a rock or are 12 years old, Robyn first came to fame in Australia as part of the legendary girlband Girlfriend. Take a walk down memory lane and check out their stunning #1 hit "Take It From Me". When those ladies parted ways (random fact - Siobhan is now a pole dancing instructor!), Robyn embarked upon her solo career and delivered one of the seminal pop tracks of the late 90s, the still amazing "Sick With Love". The diva's latest offering is a very unexpected change of pace. Robyn has teamed up with Josh Abrahams (of "Addicted To Bass" fame) for a dance track about the Columbine high school shootings! The song comes from Robyn's forthcoming second solo album. Check out the brilliant clip below and download it from iTunes now.
I guess, it's time to get on with the judging. As usual the songs are listed from least to most popular.
Djumbo – Summertime In Dubai (Video)
This popular Dutch girlband filmed their video on location in... Morocco!
D'Luv: This makes that worthless hooker who sang "My Ass" sound like Maria Callas. 0/5
Mike: It's so refreshing to see a group of happy-go-lucky sluts dance around to a tacky party anthem without being styled to within an inch of their lives. I love them! 3.5/5
Paul: I'm not really sure what to make of this. It sounds a bit dated and a lot like something else but I can't really put my finger on what. It's still a million times more interesting than the Saturdays comeback song so it gets a 3/5.
Poster Girl: Most of the Panel is going to hate this, aren't they? 3/5
Rob: I love Djumbo but Caracola got there first. This is sweet though. I'm not sure this is gonna travel well though with stories in the press regarding the relative strict religious regulations on parties. Nice attempt though. I would have picked Majorca though. They don't tend lock up gays there. 2/5
Robyn Loau: This track & video clip really gives me an insight to what it would be like to be blonde, skinny (with a sugar daddy)..."PARTY PARTY HO"!! 1/5
Tommie: Oh, they're singing about their hooking experiences in Dubai? I hear tranny cock is quite expensive there, so good for them! 4/5
Massive Ego – Master & Servant (Video)
UK cult icon Marc Massive is back with a cover of the Depeche Mode classic "Master & Servant".
D'Luv: Who tossed Pete Burns' slumped-over carcass into a shopping cart and wheeled him up to a microphone again? 1/5
Mike: Fuck off, haters! This is brilliant. I can almost smell the lube and leather in the air. Enjoy this anthem from the comfort of a sling in your favourite S&M dungeon. 5/5
Paul: Oooh Depeche Mode are the band to cover this year aren't they? Red Blooded Women, The Saturdays and now Massive Ego who sound more like Depeche Mode than Depeche Mode currently do! I'm always up for a good old S&M session (the tune, pervs!) and I suppose this is what the song would sound like if Marilyn Manson covered it. Not awful per se. 2.5/5
Poster Girl: Depeche Mode are one of those groups whose songs I tend to love in any modern incarnation--cover, sample--but of whom I've never listened to an album, which says a lot about both the quality of their songwriting and how, to my ears, the songs benefit from modern production. I kind of like this, but maybe we could just cut to the chase and have DepecheMode*Teens instead? 2.5/5
Rob: Okay, I really like this. For sure it's a cover, but this is how pop should be these days even when the texture of the sound isn't necessarily original. I love a bit of electroclash. It's also nice to hear the band tease out some early 90's-esque house wonderful trinkets of baselines in this pop polemic. Well done! 3/5
Robyn Loau: I think I'd need to take enormous amounts of drugs to really get the full effect of this track, but I'm currently breastfeeding so...no can do, boys! 3/5
Tommie: Fuck off and die. This Marilyn Manson wannabe does not even deserve to exist in the same universe as the awesome Depeche Mode! I feel aurally raped. 0/5
Empire Of The Sun – Without You (Video)
The Australian electro keeps on coming with the 4th single from EOTS’s debut album.
D'Luv: Daft Punk did this song ten times better. It's called "Digital Love." And, sorry, kids, but doing white-haired Adam Lambert drag in the video doesn't make the music any better. 1/5
Mike: Empire Of The Sun are one of my favourite bands but this is a curious single choice. It's a bit too soft and atmospheric for radio and too slow for the clubs but I do love it. 4/5
Paul: God the first forty seconds are some of the most boring pretentious music I've ever heard but then mercifully it gets marginally more interesting. Not much though. 2/5
Poster Girl: I put this on play while I was doing something else and was surprised when what felt like twenty seconds later I heard it fading out. If I force myself to focus, there are things I like, but if it's so easy for a song to blend into the background when there is no other background noise, I don't think I can justify giving it as high a score as I'd like. 2.5/5
Rob: Finally some class. This is one of my favourite songs from "Walking On A Dream". It's more subdued than their previous epic singles but this subtlety is its warmest element. Sometimes you don't have to scream it - you just have to whisper. 5/5
Robyn Loau: Nice art direction in this clip. I've always had a thing for blond haired/blue eyed guys... I wonder if he'd go out on a date with me? 3/5
Tommie: Did he just sing "no, no sheeps at all"? Are they from New Zealand? I do not approve of fucking animals, thank you very much! 0/5
@m8er – Kill The Bitch (Below)
Sydney’s @m8er is generating controversy with her debut single – which lists the celebrities she would like to kill.
D'Luv: This chav broad should go to England and visit Lady Sovereign, because that pussy ain't gonna eat itself. 1/5
Mike: I can't help feel that @m8er is jackin' CC Martini's swagga but I'll forgive her for producing the year's first LOL-worthy anthem. I sense a future Pop Trash icon in the making. 5/5
Paul: Oh. My God. Not only has she stolen the riff from MJ's "They Don't Care About Us", but the feisty little minx isn't pulling her punches lyrically either. I don't know whether to be horrified or highly amused so I will go for the latter. As someone on youtube commented, personally i'd like to fuck this song up the ass! What a compliment! The song is actually shit, but just for the audacity of it... 4.5/5
Poster Girl: 3 points awarded for a good beat, 1 deducted for awful, lazy lyrics, and 1 more for @m8er's noncomittal singing style - if you're going to be engaging in a controversy-courting list of all the ways you'd like to kill people, shouldn't there be some more vitriol in it? Sorry, but the girls you're listing off here have released better singles than this. That beat is worth rescuing, though. 1/5
Rob: Ah, I am absolutely sick of this sort of crap. Give this silly excuse for a human being a Simone de Beauvoir book. I mean it's sorta funny to hear celebrities being ripped to shreds but this attempt has been heard and seen all before. It would nice to see another woman celebrating her sisters rather than appropriate male heterosexist norms in a feeble bid to annihilate the successes of her very own gender. 0/5
Robyn Loau: Yes @m8er, these girls are annoying. Respect goes to anyone that can rebel against being politically correct. 3/5
Tommie: NOW we're talking! It's catchy, controversial and lyrically funny! This is what Pop Trash Addicts is all about. 5/5
Elly just punched another hole in the ozone layer getting her hair ready for La Roux's latest video.
D'Luv: I love this broad for the fact that, like Lady GaGa, she's reviving flamboyancy in pop. (That's right, haters — GaGa's gonna fuck you into the ground!) The song's a 4/5, but it gets an extra point for Elly's hair. 5/5
Mike: I like this song because it reminds me of La Toya. 3/5
Paul: Sigh. I just don't like her or her cheap casio sounding pop at all. Which makes it quite difficult for me to review this song. I don't hear anything innovative or particularly enjoyable for me here, Ugh, no I can't even get to the end of it, but thousands disagree with me, so I'm sure La Poux won't lose any sleep over it! 1/5
Poster Girl: Elly and Ben's steel drums and super-kitschy electro bleeps are entertaining for three minutes, but the song doesn't have any real sticking power for me. Listening to the rest of this week's singles got me to give this song an extra half point, though. 3/5
Rob: Everything about this grates on me. 1/5
Robyn Loau: This track has that "computer geek working in home/bedroom studio sound" to it & that's why I LOVE LOVE LOVE IT! 5/5
Tommie: Yes, I get it, she's so androgynous, alternative and cool and I should like her. But I'm indifferent. And despite her trying to win me over with a La Toya reference, I'm not buying it. 2/5
Dash & Will – Painful (Video)
Melbourne based pop duo switch things up with a ballad for their 4th single.
D'Luv: The only thing that keeps this from being completely dull is the fact that it sorta rips off Hole's "Malibu." Otherwise, it gets a little painful. 2/5
Mike: I love Dash & Will. Their album is amazing and this is a great little single. I just wish they'd hurry up and release "Too Young Too Dumb" and get the commercial breakthrough they so richly deserve. 4/5
Paul: How unassumingly charming. I mean it doesn't come out and hit you over the head as a brilliant song, but it's not entirely awful either. Sounds like the type of song the CW network execs would be clamouring over themselves to put in the new Melrose Place. All a bit pleasant really with no real va va voom. 2.5/5
Poster Girl: Pleasantly - but not more - sung, pleasantly - but no more - written female-vocalled singer-songwriter song that, without any sort of entry point for me, has gone in one ear and out the other. 2/5
Rob: Somewhat like watching paint dry. 2/5
Robyn Loau: I had seen their "Out Of Control" video on TV and thought that it was much more PAINFUL than this 4th single which I actually like very much. Great line... "sometimes it gets a little painful, cause it's real!" Well done, girls. I'm a sucker for pop! 4/5
Tommie: This actually reminds me of something No Doubt would record in 1996 - and that's no insult. Surprisingly good pop/rock tune. 4/5
Crazy Loop – Crazy Loop (Video)
Ozone's Dan "Crazy Loop" Balan returns with a typically quirky pop tune. The Romanian sensation gets a UK release in October.
D'Luv: Who needs the Beatles when we have this rock legend creating another smashing pop anthem? I'd bang this guy, but only if he's wearing the Domino's Pizza outfit. 5/5
Mike: An instant seratonin boost. It's great to have Dan back with his own unique brand of fabulous non-sensical lyrics and outrageous fashion. More please! 4/5
Paul: I was actually expecting some dreadful novelty hit sounding tune, not this quite accomplished electro pop tune that just charms from start to finish. I know I'm a bit schizophrenic when it comes to liking eurotrash pop dance tunes - I either get them (this one) or I don't (Kim Sozzi). So overall, I'm quite chuffed with this. Wonder whether he busts any of those moves in the sack?! 4/5
Poster Girl: Dan Balan's ditching of the guitars and returning to the Europop fold means more joyous synths and ridiculous yodeling-style vocal melodies, which is really what he's meant to be doing. It's do "Dragostea din tei," but really, what is? 4/5
Rob: Wow this is trashy. As in it's shit. 1/5
Robyn Loau: Well, I couldn't stop smiling throughout this clip so I guess it's got something going for it. I love the fact that this guy can dance. 2/5
Tommie: When I first saw "Mm-Ma-Ma" in the title I for some reason just assumed it would sample "Surfin' Bird" and automatically be amazing, but no one has thought of that idea yet it seems (JUST PUTTING IT OUT THERE). As it is now, it's a bit of a novelty song and nothing special. 2/5
SINGLE OF THE WEEK
Kim Sozzi – Feel Your Love (Video)
American dance queen's latest floorfiller is starting to get mainstream top 40 airplay.
D'Luv: Proof that boring dance music doesn't just come from Germany. Despite an okay beat, this is really a snooze. Of course, looking over the rest of this week's offerings, I see the worst is yet to come. 2/5
Mike: I used to think Kim was the poor man's Kristine W, which is probably as low as it's humanly possible to go. Thankfully, "Feel Your Love" has finally slapped some sense into me. This is one of the year's best dance tracks - pretty, floaty and instantly catchy. An extra half point for looking so fucking sexy in the video. 5/5
Paul: Sozzi Kim but I am not being won over by your cheap and cheerful brand of Cascada dance pop. If this was a supermarket, she would be in the own name budget brand aisle of the store. I do like her triangular earrings though so a solid 1.5/5.
Poster Girl: This is pretty, but it doesn't press hard enough towards either tear-filled dance or the uplifting kind, which means, probably unfairly, it left little mark on me. 2.5/5
Rob: Okay, the styling is amazing but people are just gonna refer to Lady GaGa. The song is pleasant though. Tina Cousins was doing this years ago. 3/5
Robyn Loau: Classic dance floor anthem, beautiful voice. Stunning clip, so brilliantly simple but looks big budget. Love her mirror ball wedge platforms. I would mug her for those, then wear them at Stonewall! 4/5
Tommie: Anyone registered at FlopPop.com has been brainwashed to like Kim Sozzi and I'm no exception! "Feel Your Love" is a dance triumph and makes Dannii stab her vagina with a dildo in frustration that she didn't record it first! 5/5