Friday, August 28, 2009

Fuck Off, Lily Allen!

You do not understand how much it pains me to write something complementary about Lily Allen. I'd rather listen to Delta Goodrem's entire back catalogue on repeat than say anything nice about this dirty slag! The bitterness and rage that Katy Perry inspires in some gays pretty much describes how I feel about Lily. I hate her music, I hate her disingenuity and I particularly hate those saggy, cow udder breasts she flashes at every available opportunity. She just strikes me as the ultimate 'right place, right time' phenomenon. If Lily didn't have a famous father, I'm sure she'd still be dealing ecstasy in Ibiza right now (which doesn't strike me as such a bad fate, when I think about it) but then we'd never get the surprisingly fantastic "22".

Occasionally you hear a song and think that person gets me. Well, when I first heard "22" I thought Lily Allen had broken into my room and riffled through my diary. In fact, I wouldn't put it past that thieving bitch but there are no lyrics about La Toya - so I'm willing to give her the benefit of the doubt. It's not the first time I've felt like this. Shelley Harland's entire album evokes a similar response from me but sharing thoughts and emotions with Lily Allen? Am I that common? The answer, it seems, is yes. If you changed the gender and played around with the ages a bit this song could have been written about me. "22" perfectly sums up the emotional whirlwind of your late 20s, of feeling like you're not on track and thinking you really should have more to show for your (almost) three decades on planet earth. Oh and there's a catchy beat, whimsical production and a rather cool video (below). I'll put the first two down to Greg Kurstin and the third down to good luck.

Lily, you may have thwarted my hateration for the moment but I'll be back!

When she was 22 the future looked bright
But she's nearly 30 now and she's out every night
I see that look in her face she's got that look in her eye
She's thinking how did I get here and wondering why

It's sad but it's true how society says
Her life is already over
There's nothing to do and there's nothing to say
Til the man of her dreams comes along picks her up and puts her over his shoulder
It seems so unlikely in this day and age

She's got an alright job but it's not a career
Whenever she thinks about it, it brings her to tears
Cause all she wants is a boyfriend
She gets one-night stands

She's thinking how did I get here
I'm doing all that I can


tommie said...

I'll admit it: I love Lily Allen. It's Not Me, It's You made me go to the dark side.

Camera Shy said...

When her first album came out I felt exactly like you did about Lilly...that she was just a lucky chancer daughter of a famous person, a London socialite with no real talent.. faking a whole working class good time girl thing!

But I have to say the second album totally changed my opinion (I still don;t own it) but every track I've heard from it I've liked and has made me think there may be some genuine talent there.. I do like the lyrics to this one, we can all relate to it a little.

She's still a bit annoying but at least she's not Adele!!

P.S its really no big deal being single in your late 20's, there's plenty more fun to be had:)

YouKnowWho said...

Oh hell, I know how you feel... imma send you a mail.

We should hook up!!! LOL

Chicago_Sexbox said...

Oh no! I guess I can come out of the Lily Allen closet too. I bought both of her cd's after falling in love with "Fuck You". Katy Perry though still irks me and no matter how many hundreds of times they play her catchy songs on the radio I will be secretly hoping that her next herpes outbreak cause her vagina to collapse and her recording career is cut short.

Chicago_Sexbox said...

Oh, and one more thing, I know how you feel Mike. I just got dumped by someone I didn't even like anyways. Just take Hilary Duff's advice and remember that when you wake up tomorrow it will all seem "so yesterday".

Or just do the salsa like Toy Toy would during these hard times. That cheers me up always!

D'luv said...

Doll, I came out of the Lily closet, too, back in February. I'm with you.

tidusin said...

Lily is so disgusting that she made one of the finest pop albums in history just to piss us off.

It's not me... is fucking brilliant. Especially Chinese.

Anonymous said...

Lily Allen"s tabloid antics are justified by the lawsuits that she's filed against them & the lawsuits that are still pending. She has a strong case,& as she did with the paparazzi when she was given a court order telling them to back off, she'll do the same again. Too many false stories have been written. Just Listen to her music if you like it. She's taking them on. There small and weak. She will win. Because she already has.

Paul said...

WEll blow me down with a feather, fancy you liking Lily (though shame about your emotional link to the song :/ ) anyway whatever next, me liking KAty Perry (Although Hot n Cold is quite good)...

Magical Froggy said...

I try and ignore the celeb trash mag side of Lily and enjoy the music. I've liked everything I've heard of this album so far, but I'm not buying it until I'm sure there won't be the inevitable "deluxe" / "diamond" / "platinum" / whatever reissue.

Anonymous said...

It's extremely odd for the writer to listen to 22 & leave his readers to believe that he completely ignored He wasn't there. Or he's just being a dick, by not mentioning that Lily Allen"s father took off when she was 4 years old and didn't really show up until 12 years later. By that time Lily Allen was off (on her own) in the jungles of Thailand or making her way around Tokyo. The song He wasn't there is about her dad (Keith Allen) Also as strange would be that the writer does mention that Lily Allen was in Ibiza Spain but conveniently leaves out that it is where she was discovered by radio personality George Lamb. These are points that are valid. Points that the writer intentionally leaves out, because of misplaced anger. It's really nothing to do with Lily Allen because the writer won't look up the right information.

John said...

First off, could Anonymous be any more of a prick?

Second, I felt the same way as so many others here providing sympathy, because I really wanted to dislike the second CD like I did the first. Then I saw the video for "The Fear", and I had to give it a chance.

Finally, we find resonance in the strangest of places. Label it, do with it what you will, but let it go. Dwelling only digs the hole deeper.

Petro said...

Hey Mike!

Like a few people, I got into Lily with the second album. Now I absolutely adore her! Her music and lyrics really speak to our generation I think. She has a canny way of writing exactly what we think and issues that matter to us.

The latest album is a pop masterpiece. Her videos are brilliant - she puts effort into it.

Forget the tabloid crap, take the artist for what she is. I wish her the best, I can't wait for her totour again. Unfortunately I missed her show last time around, but luckily got to see her do her Rove performance.

- Petro xo

Petro said...

Oh and Mike, you hate on Lily but you love the phony Katy Perry (vom!). I don't understand. hehe

tommie said...

On a related note - Who'd Have Known and Chinese are LOVE.

Peibols said...

And she hates Cheryl!!!!

I love you, doll.

Anonymous said...

She doesn't hate Cheryl Cole. That was a war started by the tabloids.

Anonymous said...


I love when girls hate other girls for being girls.

Anonymous said...

Cheryl cole - thick Geordie bitch. Lilly Allen talentless fat arsed panda. Take your pick! Both are awful.