Tuesday, July 28, 2009

A Toymentous Occasion!

Today is a toytastic moment in the history of pop music. Mark the 28th of July down in your diary as the day the (highly disputed) Queen of Pop released her first single in over a decade. Yes, bitches - the legendary La Toya Jackson is back! I've been waiting for this moment ever since Toy Toy first announced that she was startin' over way back in 2002 and now after a decade of false starts, she's finally ready to throw it down and put the haters in check. It's just a shame that it took such sad circumstances for the High Priestess of Pop to reclaim her throne. With any luck, the overwhelmingly positive response to "Home" will inspire Toy to get her big back door into the studio to record new tracks. That is after she hunts down Michael's killer and forces Debbie Rowe to get correct. In the meantime, I've put together a special one off mid-week Pop Panel to celebrate the release of "Home". Today's completely unbiased judges are:

Bomitoni (US) writer of Milk Carton Pop Stars
Chicago Sexbox (US) writer of Chicago Sexbox
Jamie (UK) writer of Tat Parade
Jay (UK) writer of Postcards From Puerto Rico
Mike (AUS) author of this classy blog
Tommie (Sweden) writer of Donna Martin Graduates

Here's what this fabulous group of high brow music scholars had to say about Toy Toy's heartbreaking tribute to Michael Jackson.

Bomitoni: Toy has touched many with her music over the years. This previously unreleased gem is a true testament to what Toy truly is, a music force to be reckoned with. What a lovely tribute to Michael Jackson! 5/5

Chicago Sexbox: Somewhere up above Michael Jackson is smiling down from a celestial Neverland as he is greeted by the sounds of La Toya Jackson's power ballad and soon to be epic anthem for Michael Jackson fans everywhere, "Home". Michael's closest and most talented sister releases this gem from her vault to not only honor her brother and the childhood home they shared growing up but to donate all proceeds to Michael's favorite AIDS charity. While Janet is probably already corrupting poor Michael's children with her collection of S&M anal porn, La Toya appeases the King of Pop's spirit much like she has done with her fans with her previous musical ventures. For those of you who didn't believe roll up your sleeves......cuz La Toya is throwing down with her new spiritual and uplifting sound! 5/5

Jamie: For many years the thinking man's Jackson has tantalised us with pop gems like 2003's Billboard Dance/Club Chart smash "Just Wanna Dance", "Free The World", and her ghetto throwdown to pimps and dealers across the globe - the seminal "I Don't Play That". On her latest opus La Toya gives us a glimpse of the good old days of growing up in the Jackson family home surrounded by the only people she ever really knew. It's just lovely, syrupy, over the top, and melancholy all at the same time. What a poignant and fitting time to release this fan favourite which serves as a perfect tribute to Michael, the King of Pop - 5/5!

Jay: The Pope Of Pop returns to bless us all with a heavenly anthem and a touching tribute to her recently departed brother. What makes this even more touching is Queen Toy showing her forgiveness for him once again sabotaging her career as him dropping his clogs has ensured the much anticipated "Startin' Over" has been delayed indefinitely... just like he ruined "Night Time Lover" and stole "Thriller"! Though I still think a re-issue of "Free The World" would have been far more fabulous. 5/5

Mike: Music fans are used to Jackson sisters being pudgy frumps like Janet and Rebbie. La Toya's curse has always been her exquisite looks and unrivalled sex appeal but hopefully the tragedy of Michael's death will allow people to look past her divine body and finally embrace the powerhouse vocals that have driven Toy Soldiers wild for three decades. "Home" truly is a toyriffic tune. The production is epic, the lyrics are tender and Toy Toy turns it out vocally. A work of genius. 5/5

Tommie: A true triumph in good taste and artistry! Anyone who disagrees has clearly listened to Janet's pussy ballads for too long and shouldn't be taken seriously. 5/5

Total: 30/30

That's highest score in Pop Panel history! I always knew Toy Toy had it in her. "Home" is now available from US and UK iTunes. Please do the poor bitch a favour and download it! The rest of us can bask in the glory of Toy's stunning "Home" by watching the video (below).


The Prophet said...


John said...

The song is actually labeled with a "Clean" label on iTunes. Does that mean that there's an "Explicit" version of the song? Speaking of, what's with the glow in the dark diaper she's wearing in the video?

tommie said...

Amazing that this song hit a perfect score! I think it's a sign for everyone to go to iTunes and buy it! I cried tears of joy when I saw it on there.

Paul said...

jesus christ on a slice of toast. it's enough to make me buy it!

Jamie_movietrip said...

I just bought my copy, it's so beautiful, I just adore it.

undisco_me said...

More fixed than Michael's facial expressions, but well deserved all the same!

William said...

LMFAO @ this bootleg-ass blog and the "reviewers" gicing this tripe positive feedback. you would think that the fifteen minutes of alone time you get away from the doctors would be spent jerking off in a corner...like all the other mental patients. you guys, instead, waste time praising the sole untalented jackson sibling. i guess everyone's special in their own way.

Mike said...

Poor William, you have clearly been brainwashed by Janet's loose anus and prolapsed pussy. Toy will pray for you.

John, I don't get that "clean version" thing either. There's no explicit version. I guess La Toya is just so intoxicatingly erotic that she needs a warning label!

I just checked iTunes and unfortunately La Toya's nowhere to be seen in the top 100 of any countdown - LOL! I'm so glad she didn't break her run of "fan releases".

tommie said...

People who don't buy Home loves AIDS and don't want to find the cure for it.

Zaghawa said...

I got so excited by the release of this song, that I decided to start an blog dedicated to Toy:

Nasty G said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Nasty G said...

Ah, it warms my heart to see so many of my fellow former Say Hey-ers keeping the Toy love alive after all of these years. I remember fondly the very beginning of that Toy revival... Who would have believed that that love would still be alive and well, and that she would pay tribute to it (oh, and Michael of course) now with this unexpected and delicate opus? Brava!!

Jay said...

Such stunning reviews! Who'd have thought that so many bloggers with such widely differing tastes would be equally touched by such a haunting epic!

Magical Froggy said...

My fingers trembled as I watched Home downloading from iTunes. Buying a Toy single legally upon release is up there with losing my virginity on my list of life experiences (and infinitely more satisfying). I shall take the memory of today with me to the grave.


tidusin said...

It reminds me of some of the mid 90's Glora Estefan's ballads, which I liked!