Sunday, June 14, 2009

Pop Panel - Week 5

I'm so excited about this week's Pop Panel. The results were the closest they have ever been (less than one point separates the top three) and the winner was a total shock. It's a great song (for a change) but this is still a massive upset given the stiff competition it faced from some of the year's most hyped tracks. Apart from a surprise winner, we also have an extraordinarily fierce guest judge - the leading lady of Pop Trash, CC Martini! Australia's Queen of Pip Pop is currently doing her thing in the States but kindly took some time out to answer a couple of questions before getting stuck into voting. Here's what she had to say:

Hey CC, what have you been up to in the US?

Cooking and eating. Playing softball and getting lovin'. The simple life!

Any music news?

I am regrouping and getting ready for phase two. I've been seeing lots of bands and just getting into being a punter and also listening to lots of different stuff. I'm getting inspired. I went to see No Doubt in San Diego and I also checked out a local friend Oona who is about to blow up here check out
her Myspace.

Last and least, D'Luv from Chart Rigger is on the Panel. He memorably claimed to have fucked you in McDonalds' playland. True or false?

Ha ha. Ummm, I errr, don't remember.

Classy. Thanks again for taking part!

In addition to the lovely CC, the rest of the Panel is comprised of the same riff raff as last week:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike author of this classy blog.
Pablo (Spain) writer of Peibols
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

As usual the songs are listed from least to most popular. Let me know what you think of the outcome! Oh and check out CC's legendary jam "Double Dutch" if you haven't already. I never tire of this modern masterpiece!

Hannah – Keeping Score (Video)

Estonia’s most glamorous pop star delivers her debut UK single.

CC: Oh dear. This is absolutely terrible! This kind of music makes me leave nightclubs early. I'm sure that Estonia has much more to offer than Hannah. -1/5
D'Luv: This is okay. A lot of these dance broads blend together, but there's some heart to this one at least. 3/5
Mike: I think everyone has been a bit mean to Hannah. "Keeping Score" doesn't reinvent the wheel but it's a sweet piece of pop fluff. I approve. 3.5/5
Pablo: If you close your eyes hard enough... it's like September. But half the quality. 2/5
Paul: I know you hate her Mike, but if this was a Rachel Stevens comeback single, it would be massively hyped by the blogs and then peak at number 10 on the UK charts. I do think this has a chorus that SAW would be proud of but other than that it doesn't really stand out for me. 2.5/5
Rob: Are we judging the Bimbo Jones Remix or the original single mix? If it's the former then it gets my backing. A nice start for Hannah but she'll need a massive chorus for her second single. If she wants to compete with the likes of Lady GaGa and Agnes Carlsson she'll have to dig deep and blow us away. I am waiting for the big epic part but it fails to give me what I want. As such it only verges on something amazing. 3/5
The Prophet: Oh God who is this, she's horrible! She looks like a skinnier version of Michelle McManus! And why do all Bimbo Jones remixes sound exactly the same?? EPIC FAIL! 0/5
Total: 13/35

Sidney Samson - Riverside (Video)

The Dutch DJ recently scored a very unexpected top 10 hit in Australia with this dance anthem.

CC: I dig this. Great video too. 4/5
D'Luv: Wow, the bar's really been set low for dance anthems. 2/5
Mike: I'm guessing the majority of the panel hasn't seen the inside of a nightclub since the 90s. This is a sizzling slice of rhythmic techno. The beats are killer and I love the naughty hook. 4/5
Pablo: Erm... excuse me? 0/5
Paul: Fucking hell. Talking about dragging the depths of pop depravity. Riverside motherfucker indeed. I kept waiting for it to start in a don't bore us get to the chorus type moment. My fucking ears are bleeding. What tripe. 0/5
Rob: Fucking tragic. Too stupid for words. Why is this even in here? 1/5
The Prophet: I've never heard this before but it's pretty cool. 3/5
Total: 14/35

JLS - Beat Again (Video)

The debut single from last year's X Factor rejects.

CC: Ha ha ha. I laughed at the cliche of this boy band pop song but then it grew on me. By the end of this song I loved it. It's cheezy. It cheers me up. I can't stop singing the chorus. I love it! "I need love CPR!" Ha ha ha, did he really say that? so cheeeezy. It's perfect. 5/5
D'Luv: This follows the perfect boy band formula—minimal melody but one brief, catchy hook tucked away in the chorus (in this case, the "won't beat again, it's killing me" bit). I'd dock it a point for so blatantly ripping off Kardinal Offishall's "Dangerous," but...what a great song to cop from! 4/5
Mike: If you threw every boyband cliche into a blender and sprinkled in some of the worst lyrics ever written, you would end up with something very similar to "Beat Again". It's abysmal but there is a so bad it's funny thing going on. 2/5
Pablo: This is one of the reasons why miss fabulous, glamorous, lovely Cheryl Cole didn't made them winners. 1/5
Paul: Oh Marvin can beat me off again anytime. It sort of sounds like a Chris Brown comeback single (though thank god it isn't with that title!) and it's certainly going for the edgy pop meets electro tag. However, underneath that blustering bravado is a very simple song, with a catchy hook performed by the real winners of last years X Factor. And it's ultimately quite cheap and quite charming. 4.5/5
Rob: Incredibly unoriginal. American boybands have been doing this sort of stuff the past 10 years. Hell, British boybands been and gone have already covered this ground (Blue/Another Level). X Factor showed off their vocals and this simply autotunes their distinct vocal qualities to white noise. Simply shit. Oh, and next time spend more than £1.50 on your video. 1.5/5
The Prophet: This would've been good like 15 years ago! They remind me of a black BSB, and I mean that in a bad way. 0/5
Total: 18/35

Frankmusik - Confusion Girl (Video)

Forget Frank. Holly Valance stars in the video!

CC: Oh dear. Any song that starts off with "I know we've had our ups and downs, at times I would look like the clown..." Yeah that's one of those songs you write and then throw in the rubbish when you play it to yourself again when you're sober and realise it's absolute crap. And who put Holly Valance in that god awful purple dress? It's fugly! She is hot but not even she can save this song or the video. 1/5
D'Luv: Classic pop in every way. I'm not totally aboard the Vincent Frank bandwagon, but this has me thinking about taking a test ride. 4.5/5
Mike: Frankmusik? More like Fuckinshitmusik. And who's Vincent kidding by "dating" Holly? They're clearly the Will & Grace of electropop! 2/5
Pablo: A song that could be for "I have my period but feeling kinda happy". The chorus reminds me of some other song, but I can't remember which one. 3/5
Paul: He's very hyped isn't he? I do quite like this song, but I'm not exactly mad over it. For me, he doesn't really live up to the hype and this has done little to change my mind. Holly's best acting since she unfeasibly turned up as Michael's mail order russian bride on Prison Break though. 3/5
Rob: Absolutely awful video. Billie got there with this a decade ago. Song is pretty sweet. 5ive would consider this as a b-side. 3/5
The Prophet: I only watched this originally for Queen Holly (bow down and show respect!) but now I'm obsessed with Frankmusik and this song! It's been on repeat for me. 4.5/5
Total: 21/35

MPHO - Box N Locks

This hugely hyped diva's debut samples the 80s classic "Echo Beach".

CC: Fantastic looking video. I am all about colourful clips. What's with the brown bangs and the black pony tail though? Great styling. Cute song but kinda boring and forgettable. She's very hot and I think she will be around for a while if she gets some stronger songs. I like the sample. It's a cool jam. 3.5/5
D'Luv: I went to take a piss while this was playing, and when I came back, it was unfortunately still going. 1/5
Mike: This isn't so much a debut single as a declaration of intent. It's a bit clumsy at times but I love the sample and the message behind her lyrics. 3.5/5
Pablo: It's like trying to be a bad girl, sounding pop but wanting to be R'n'B. Quite catchy. 3/5
Paul: I've seen this on popjustice a lot but never really bothered to check it out. I've missed out really because it is a lot better than I thought. Slightly punky, breakneck speed chorus with a catchy hook. It does remind me of someone, but i can't think who. Utterly decent overall though, specially the hand claps in the middle 8! 3.5/5
Rob: Terrible lyrics. Boring music. Trying too hard to fit into that "pop is cool" category. Absolutely fails though. 2.5/5
The Prophet: I did a feature on MPHO the other week on my blog! I love her, the lyrics scream a little "Look at me I'm an individual!" but I understand she needs to do that for the first single. I think she's great! 4.5/5
Total: 21.5/35

Black Eyed Peas - I Gotta Feeling (Video)

The BEP’s latest single was produced by acclaimed French DJ David Guetta.

CC: I was really looking forward to this song. I love the Peas. They are one of my favourite groups. I love them. I can't believe they used a vocoda. They sound like some fucking overproduced RnB band. Boo. Taboo is so sexy and looks hot in this video. For that he gets a point. And fergie rocks, her singing verse is the highlight of this song. This just sounds like a Daft Punk remix. What's the saying I'm looking for here? I like your old stuff better than your new stuff. 2/5
D'Luv: I'm no fan of the Peas, but I'm man enough to set my preconceived notions aside when an artist I don't have a taste for comes up with a decent pop single. "I Gotta Feeling" grabbed my ear the first time I heard it on the radio. That said, "I Gotta Feeling" is almost too gimmicky, and will surely be played to death from here to Guam this summer. 3/5
Mike: This captures that great feeling of expectation before a big night out. It's the musical equivalent of every great Saturday night you've ever had rolled into one. "I Gotta Feeling" is THE party anthem of 2009. 5/5
Pablo: Simply perfection! I totally hate Fergie, I can't stand but this song (and the complete album) is perfect. This song gets much better with the party video. 5/5
Paul: Ridiculously I had a moment this week where I sort of liked their "Boom Boom Pow" single, but mercifully that has passed. And mercifully David Guetta has injected some decent pop magic into this tune. What a relief because I still find them quite annoying and odious. If I was already dancing to "Love Takes Over" and this came on, I wouldn't walk off the dance floor. 3/5
Rob: This sounds like a brilliant eastern European dance record that the types of DJ Bobo would cover and make a smash hit in Switzerland. In other words, very good indeed. 4/5
The Prophet: I love the Peas and this is a hot song but "Boom Boom Pow" is much better. I think this is a little too radio friendly and pop. 3.5/5
Total: 25.5/35

Dan Black - Symphonies (Video)

Dan's debut single borrows elements from "Umbrella" & Biggie's "Hypnotize".

CC: Beautiful, cute song. I love it. Indie simplicity. 5/5
D'Luv: "Symphonies" seems like the type of song Robbie Williams wishes he was still young and interesting enough to make. Luckily, Dan Black's delivery here is more charming than anything Robbie's vomitted up over the past 10 years. 3/5
Mike: Extraordinary from beginning to end. I love the strings, I love the eclectic influences and most of all, I admire Dan's ability to pull everything together to come up with something new. Simple and beautiful. 5/5
Pablo: An epic begining for a song that includes hocus pocus in its lyrics. Bad sign! I like the violins but the song is weird. "Umbrella", ballad and almost a rap. I don't get it. 2/5
Paul: Oh my i love this tune, which is quite surprising considering "Umbrella" just passed me by. I just really like the lyrics and it just grooves along at it's own pace. Very summery and I find Dan's voice quite delicious. Tres bon. 4/5
Rob: Amazing. I love anything that has a slight reference to Star Trek. This is what Darren Hayes has always tried to achieve. Symphonies is in that box marked "probably best songs of 2009". Absolutely inspiring. 5/5
The Prophet: Biggies "Hypnotize" and Rihanna's "Umbrella" are two of the greatest songs ever. Don't sample them so heavily if you can't do it justice. I'd rather just listen to the originals. 2/5
Total: 26/35


Shena - My Fantasy

Disco never dies!

CC: Mmm disco music. Never really been my thing. There's nothing really wrong with this song, it's just that this stuff all sounds the same to me. Great soulful voice but I have to deduct points for this just not being my fave genre even though that's a little unfair. 2/5
D'Luv: You can sorta tell Shena probably gives wicked-awesome head. 3/5
Mike: The thing I love most about "My Fantasy" is the fact that it's authentic disco (ie. with real instruments) not some tragic modern day interpretation. Shena could be the cult diva of 2009. 4/5
Pablo: Totally like! Nothing new about this sound, heard it all before, but it's always good to get up and dance. 4.75/5
Paul: Ooh this is bloody ace. It reminds me of that Sheena Easton album of disco covers from a few years back. This is drenched in the super sounds of disco and sounds so familiar that you swear you have heard it before. This is possibly the best song that i have discovered through the pop panel suggestions. Aces. 4.5/5
Rob: Disco arouses me to the core. I think she can do better though. 4/5
The Prophet: Fabulous! Love the 70's disco vibe. This is so good! 4/5
Total: 26.25/35


Robpop said...


Mike...loving the two top songs (we both give the same marks to both songs). Shena just scrapes into the top spot but its by a whisker.

Disco truly never dies! (or lies!)

I think Shena needs to work on it. She needs to bring out a massive thumping chorus for future releases. Pussycat Dolls have an amazing song on the horizon and that could blow the likes of Shene's Fantasy out of the water.

The pop panals so far have resulted in:

My Fantasy
Release Me
The Reeling

I support the last four. Anthonio needs to be slowly brushed out of history. I think my "2/5" for Anthonio was far too kind.

Talia said...

I properly love Shena. It does sound so authentic and fun. The album is great, but I think this is probably my favourite song on it.

The Prophet said...




tommie Dalberg said...

Great song of the week for once!

I actually have to listen through most of the tracks though.

Peibols said...

D'Luv: I went to take a piss while this was playing, and when I came back, it was unfortunately still going.

This make me laugh so hard I almost wet my knickers. Fact.

D'luv said...

Prophet, your inferiority complex was cute the first week, but by now it's just kind of dull, luv. But there is a bright side with your hate for the entire panel...the feeling is mutual! Yaaaayy!

CC, baby, after our 45 seconds of passion, you left me for a medium-sized McFlurry and a side order of fries. Sob!

Peibois, oooh, mail them to me?

Jay said...

I dread to think where you find these aural turds each week...

CC should have won by default even if she was only judging!

tommie said...

I just noticed one thing - why hasn't Kelly Rowland's new track been reviewed? Has the Beyoncé agenda taken over PTA?!

Peibols said...

D'luve, actually, they're on ebay.
Quite expensive cos my wet underwear it's a cult object.

Mike stole me lots of them when he came to Spain.

Australia, country of knickers-stealers.

Mike said...

Jay - I like the songs this week! Well, at least the top 3. I'm open to suggestions for next week though.

Tommie - Kelly is blacklisted for having the nerve to leave the Knowles camp. Wot a diss!

Pablo - Enough of your golden showers, fetish! I'm gonna have to send you some water sports porn for Xmas.

John said...

Really enjoying the Shena track. Hopefully the folks who dissed you for the Barbra Streisand entries are placated to crawl back in their holes for another week.

Paul said...

geez, i am worried that the prophet is going to have a stroke :P Surely as a prophet, he should have foretold the results (at least we agreed on BEP and almost scored the same on Shena). The big news here is that I love CC forever for giving JLS 5/5 :)

Aaron said...

Hehe - Bravo - Why? I just felt it needed one (I needed to quote Will and Grace there!)

Guy said...

Ha Ha, JLS are hilarious. I love how as per the boy band script slightly camp dancing always takes place within urban, factory settings.

Scarlett said...

I'm so glad to read I'm not alone in not loving Frankmusik. I just don't get the hype. :/

Still loving the wonderfully catty commentary in these Pop Panels, and most importantly, the song selections! I hadn't taken notice of Shena's new single but I'm never steered wrong by this blog, so I checked it out and it's just fab. :)