Sunday, May 24, 2009

Pop Panel - Week 2

The Pop Panel is back for another round. I'm still not sure if this is going to be a weekly feature but while I'm convalescing, it's a fun way to pass the time. If you missed last week's Panel, the concept is pretty simple. Basically, I've asked 5 well known pop bloggers to rate a bunch of recently released tracks out of five. The tune with the highest tally is then crowned the Pop Trash Addicts single of the week. I'm happy to say that I actually like this week's winner! (Although Annie did set the bar pretty low). The Panel is comprised of the same bitches as last week:

D'Luv (US) writer of Chart Rigger
Mike author of this classy blog.
Pablo (Spain) writer of Peibols
Paul (UK) writer of Fizzy Pop
Rob (UK) writer of Don't Stop The Pop
The Prophet (AUS) writer of The Prophet

However, I have a little surprise. We have a special "celebrity" judge! Electropop practitioner James Leon (check out his myspace) has kindly agreed to be a part of this week's Panel. His debut single "Purple Heart" (below) was dissected by us last week, so I thought it would be fun to hear his response.

What did you think about the comments? Some were quite scathing.
Well, the comments were a mixed bag. There were some really nice ones about the "loveliness of the melody", which made me happy. Someone said it was "so 90's it hurts". I've always been told that I'm so 80's, so it made quite a change to be called "so 90's". Let's be honest, everyone is doing 80's now, so I always like to be different!

Don't worry, love. The person who made that comment lives in Huesca where it's still officially 1997. How about the reference to you being "gay indie electro trash"?
Well I wouldn't exactly call my music indie, to me that is whiny boys with guitars. Some people are not very knowledgeable about their genres. I think "Purple Heart" is quite a classy track, for me there is actually a purity about it which is what I was trying to convey. I think he also described the track as "pretentious", which also amused me!

Take that, Prophet! Finally, have you wiled away "many sleazy hours"?

LOL well it takes one to know one! I like to play at being sleazy a little. I guess I've had my moments but I like to think I am a good boy really!!

Sure, I believe you. Thanks again for being part of today's Panel!

So here are the results, ranked from lowest to highest score.

The Stepaways & Robyn – I’ve Got Your Man (Video)

The Swedish diva’s latest collaboration.

D'Luv: I'm gonna take a stab in the dark that none of these women ever get laid. 1/5
James Leon: A "clever" record but it does nothing for me. I still don't quite get Robyn. She has uber modern production on her tracks, looks very cool in an icy Nordic way but leaves me cold. There is no warmth or passion in her delivery and her songs are only quite good but not amazing. 2/5
Mike: Oh look it's Sunday. Time for Robyn to squeeze out another musical turd. 0/5
Pablo: Even with Robyn's uglyness, I tolly love the song. At least it's different from everything we've been listening to this year. And the video is as amazing as it is cheap. 4/5
Paul: Words fail me. It's like the musical equivalent of He Man the movie ie. not very good. 0/5
Prophet: Unbearable! Is it possible to give this minus 1 billion? 0/5
Rob: I am a huge fan of the Robyn but this tests that loyalty. Her collaboration with Royksopp is far better & this release is a pretty poor showing from the usually strong outfit The Stepaways (sadly not a tribute to Steps). 0/5
Total: 7/35

Jade Ewen – It’s My Time (Video)

The UK’s 2009 Eurovision entry is released this week.

D'Luv: Stick to stripping, baby. 0.5/5
James Leon: This is just dreadful, there is no tune. It's just melodramatic cliche riden mush. Shame on us for entering this for Eurovision. Come back Gina G or even Scooch, at least they were fun! Norway was far better. 1/5
Mike: I thought Leona was the bride of Satan but she's got some stiff competition from this repugnant waste of space. 0/5
Pablo: I hate ballads. Any kind of ballads. Even ones with girls pretending to be Leona Lewis. 0/5
Paul: Thing is, this is the sort of song that the X Factor used to give to the winners before they palmed them off with dodgy cover versions. Perfectly suited for any type of singing contest, it's epic Celine/Whitney balladry that has an appropriately orchestral middle 8. Oh god. I like it. 3/5
Prophet: Meh. 2/5
Rob: Escavating the Eurovision context, I would actually stop in my tracks with this song. It's simply a nice ballad. It nearly becomes a wonderful torch song for 2009. And how often do we hear torch songs? Not alot. In a world full of Lady Gaga's, Robyn's, robots and Pet Shop Boys this stands out and recalls the glorious power ballads of a time of big hair, Bonnie Tyler and shoulder pads. I also have a soft spot for strings. So unexpectedly I give this 5/5.
Total: 11.5/35

Jessica Mauboy – Because (Video)

The 4th single from the Australian diva’s platinum selling debut album.

D'Luv: Sorry, dear. There's only one Rihanna. And look what happened to her. 2/5
James Leon: Oh please. Did they just type into the computer Jordin/Leona/Mariah generic wailing bint singing about heartache and the like. The backing rips off Backstreet Boys' "Incomplete". Beyond corny, just total American-esque mid-tempo dross. 2/5
Mike: I love Jessica and think her album is amazing but this has to be the worst song on it. Nevertheless, it's pleasant enough in a generic R'n'B lite kind of way. 3/5
Pablo: I hate ballads. Any kind of ballads. Even ones played at the piano. 0/5
Paul: It's all a bit dramatic. I'm already imagining the wind machine as she sings into it, hair flying behind her, extensive hand gestures a la that bird from the X Factor all over the place. Lighten up dear, it may never happen. 2/5
Prophet: It's mildly okay, but too generic and bland. Jessica can do better than this. 2/5
Rob: Hey Jordin Sparks, this is what you call emotional singing! Slightly too much autotuning but a rather cute ballad. 3/5
Total: 14/35

Nicki Webster – Devilicious (Above)

This former child star and recent FHM covergirl is making a much hyped comeback to the Australian pop scene complete with slutastic new image.

D'Luv: Darlin', Britney did this schtick eight years ago, and it sucked just as bad then. 1/5
James Leon: Generic bland dancefloor filler by soft porn star, though if it came on in trashy club I am sure I would dance. I do like the synth sound burbling in the background also. 2/5
Mike: Tragic, obscenely derivative and yet totally fabulous. This is the definition of pop trash. Maybe you have to be Australian to get how funny this shit is. 5/5
Pablo: It's like Edurne remaking Britney's worst videos - together. The song is acceptable. 2/5
Paul: When in doubt flash a bit of muff and you will be fine. It's technically a competent slutty dance number but I'm not overly sold on it. 2.5/5
Prophet: This is worse than being sodomised by a chainsaw whilst simultaneously choking to death on your own vomit... But I love it! 5/5
Rob: Absolutely unbearable. The song is charmless and not sexy at all. The video is a weird Janet Jackson (All Night Don't Stop) and Christina Aguilera (Dirrty) hybrid. On many levels I should love this sort of crap but its outdated and incredibly unoriginal. 0/5
Total: 17.5/35

Fedde Le Grand – Scared Of Me (Video)

The man behind “Put Your Hands Up For Detroit” returns with another floorfiller.

D'Luv: The song sucks, but I'll give it one point for having a broad decked out like Scooch in their "Flying The Flag" garb and one point for the fact that I'd fuck Fedde's mouth. 2/5
James Leon: Yawn! "Put Your hands Up" was a catchy enough dance anthem but as with many dance acts, this is basically the same track with different 'lyrics' over the top. It's pretty boring. 2/5
Mike: A killer tune with a great vocal by Mitch Crown. Love the video. 4/5
Pablo: Great song. But I'll probably forget it in one hour or so. 3/5
Paul: I totally wanted to hate this. I don't. It's not bad at all (doesn't mean it's brilliant either) especially the middle 8 bit which is quite arousing. 3/5
Prophet: Dance music is stupid! 1/5
Rob: It gets 3 points already for providing a brilliant video. The song sounds a bit similar to his earlier work but I won't hold that against him as the chorus is rather distinct. 4/5
Total: 19/35

Industry - My Baby's Waiting (Video)

The latest reincarnation of Steps.

D'Luv: Steps + A*Teens + A*Teens old producers = Heaven. Subtracting half a point for the lack of shirtlessness with the boys in the vid. 4.5/5
James Leon: I should dislike this but shame... I totally love it! It's so trashy and predictable but really uplifting and catchy. It just makes me feel good. Complete Steps rip off with an American vibe tacked on and stuck in about '97. The gays will love it! 3.5/5
Mike: Steps were shit the first time around. 1/5
Pablo: Quite a dramatic song. But I like it. They'll live for like 2 singles and a half. With luck. 2/5
Paul: It's Steps. It's S Club. It's Allstars. It's A*teens. It's brilliant. Cheesily brilliant pop that puts a big smile on my face. Spaffletastic! 4.5/5
Prophet: Zero zero zero zero zero zero zero!!! 0/5
Rob: Brilliant. Could have included a bigger ending and a huge key change. Maybe that's for single number two. 4/5
Total = 19.5/35

Pet Shop Boys – Did You See Me Coming (Video)

Those old gays strike again.

D'Luv: I've overplayed "Yes" a bit and had to take a break from it, but for this I'm delving back to the first time I heard DYSMC a couple months ago: Pure bliss in the way good pop should be. 5/5
James Leon: Totally New Order-ish but I like the lyrics and title, and its The PSBs so I have to love it. I don't think it's the strongest choice for a single, they should have relased the gorgeous 'The Way It Used To Be'. If the brilliant "Love e.t.c" was a flop there isn't much hope for this sadly. They should work with me instead! 4/5
Mike: The Pet Shop Boys best single in a decade. Which isn't saying much. 2/5
Pablo: I'd have chosen another song for 2nd single, but as usual Xenomania's work is brilliant. Like what they do with Girls Aloud. 4/5
Paul: Oh thank god. Some nice polished pop which is instantly Pet Shop Boys Aloud. A great chorus and a prime example of how to do pop without resorting to all the whistles and bells! Summer is here! 4/5
Prophet: There's nothing worse than the Pet Shop Boys. The production is great but as soon as I heard those faggy vocals I wanted to rub razorblades into my eyes. 1/5
Rob: Did you see me love a Pet Shop Boys song? Gosh, yes! I am usually rather unresponsive to this band but this is proper tunage. Damn! I'll have to check out the album now. 5/5
Total = 25/35


Passion Pit – The Reeling (Below)

The American electropop sensations' follow up to “Sleepyhead”.

D'Luv: This is the kind of music I'd never buy, but it's nice to hear in the background somewhere—the grocery store, a whorehouse, etc. The singer needs a makeover, though. 3/5
James: Achingly cool and clever, quite MGMT - nice summery vibe and would be alright at a party or maybe a club, lacks a real hook and doesn't rock my world. Am tempted to say 'pretentious gay indie-electro trash'. Video is irritating to watch. 3/5
Mike: A burst of seratonin to the brain. This sunny slice of acid trip electro is absolutely stunning. 4.5/5
Pablo: I 100% preffer the Calvin Harris Remix. But anyway, the song is amazing. 5/5
Paul: It's one of those acts that I know I'm supposed to love and critically adore, but it just sounds a bit of a fuzzy mess to me. Which means ask me again in a week and I'll love it. Bearing that in mind, I'll add an extra point on 2.5/5
Prophet: I have no idea who the Passion Pit are but this is fucking amazing. 5/5
Rob: Video is a bit overbaked and can cause epilepsy. However, the song is amazing. Passion Pit juices my passion pop pit. Immensely. 5/5
Total = 28/35


The Prophet said...

Lol I am gonna whoop your ass when I see you Mike, for a number of reasons! Latest on the list is "Take that Prophet!"


I'm so glad the best song won AGAIN this week!

I would've resigned from the pop panel and then committed suicide if that Pet Shop Boys song won!

I wish I had written better responses though, I was exhausted when I did this and now I regret my "zero's" and "mehs".

And Mikey, could you please add somebody to the pop panel who isn't some washed up old queen like you and your crew! I'm all alone in my hate for that Steps band... I need an ally...

Vuitto said...

totally agree with pablo, the calvin harris remix of the reeling makes the song even better!

Paul said...

bwahahahaha @ the prophets comments on the steps band :)

and yay for me and james (james and I) being the only ones slightly underwhelmed by the single of the week. i knew i wanted to knob him for a reason!

Anonymous said...

It kills me that Nikki didn't win. She is orgasmically tragic... My friend messaged her on facebook, telling her that he "can't wait to hear devilicious in the clubs" and she wrote back saying "i can't wait to dance my ass off to it either!" Nikki is the new Melissa Tkautz!!!

D'luv said...

For the record, I said "wiled away many sleazy hours," not "too many" (is there such a thing, even?).

Brilliance again. Oh, and the rest of you were OK, as well.

Mike said...

Prophet - Bitch, please! I'd snap you like a toothpick. And you're not alone in your hate for Industry. I think they are god awful too.

Vuitto - I love the Calvin Harris remix of "The Reeling". It should have been used as the single edit.

Paul - James cracks me up. He really let loose and said exactly what he thinks, which makes me love him even more.

Anon - I love you. Fans of trashtastic divas like Nikki and Melissa must stick together. Ms Webster was my single of the week!

D'Luv - I fixed the offending typo.

Anonymous said...

The reviewers are awful. Talk about contradicting yourself with each new song reviewed. One reviewer stated that they hated dance music and went on to rate a dance song 5/5.

Peibols said...

I didn't say it's too 90s in a bad way, you bitch!
But you made it sound like a bad thing! 90s were great! Spice Girls, Impossible Princess and I lost my virginity!

Anyway, great song of the week.

Jay said...

When you said "celebrity" I was expecting the fabulous Miss Halliwell...

Nikki Webster still needs a right good hard SLAP.

tommie said...

CC Martini for next Pop Panel!

Darren Gayes for the one after that. I love bitchy power bottoms!

The Prophet said...

That idiot anonymous obviously doesn't understand that the pop panel is all tongue in cheek! NEXT!

Robpop said...

The Prophet? My tongue is in no one's cheek.

Not today anyway.


Loving the celebrity pop panelist.

Love the findings here. In years to come phd students will examine this in a huge anthropological study of....pop excellence. This and Eurovision.

Anonymous said...

go stick a big fat cock up your fat ass prophet

thats all you seem to talk about on your blog you loser

The Prophet said...

"thats all you seem to talk about on your blog"

Aww you read my blog? Thanks! I do talk a lot on my blog don't I? You must take quite a bit of time out of your day to hang on my every word so I just want to let you know that I appreciate it.

Another thing, if I ever meet you I'm gonna shove a razor blade up your piss slit, then scratch and claw at your neck until I've ripped and torn a hole in it, then I'm gonna fuck and bust a nut in the wound. You're a stupid fucking stupid cunt, what kind of a comeback is telling me to go get fucked by a fat cock? I'm gay of course I like getting fucked you complete moron. Did your mother give you brain damage when she stuck a coat hanger up her rent-a-opussy after finding out she was pregnant with a piece of shit like you?

Get a fucking life, maybe you should open your own blog and stop living vicariously through The Prophet & Pop Trash Addicts.

Mike said...

LOL! Can you guys please take your catfight elsewhere? This is a classy joint. Show some decorum!

Jamie_movietrip said...

Hmmm not overly stuck on any of them, Robyn's being the absolute worst by a mile - WTF!!!

Passion Pit is okay, saw the video on demand on the TV and hoped the girl would be the singer - how disapointed was I! That said, I dig it a little.

Scarlett said...

I love these panel reviews - what a neat idea!! :)

I can't decide if I like "The Reeling" or hate it. Something about it grates on my nerves, but then I find myself rather liking those "oh no, oh no"s in the chorus. But if 5 out of the 7 reviewers liked it, maybe that means I should give the song another chance! :)

ElectroPopper said...

awesome =) ... you might also like a wicked new electro pop female singer i found - Kat Valerie from STAARK ? great voice (kinda sexy, kinda quirky) + great music too > def check it!