Monday, March 16, 2009

MC Kylie Rocks Sound Relief

The Minogue sisters bring high fashion to Sound Relief

Sound Relief was a noble idea and raised A LOT of money for victims of the Victorian bushfires but did it really have to be so fucking boring? The only real highlight (well, apart from Olivia Newton-John teaming up with Barry Gibb for a lovely cover of "Islands In The Stream") was Kylie's homecoming for the Melbourne concert. For a while there it looked like the pint-sized diva wouldn't be able to make it, which would have been an absolute PR nightmare. Worse still, the organisers would have been forced to employ Dannii and there's no way she could have handled all that work! Not that Kylie actually performed as such. Rather, she signed on for hosting duties and did a pretty good job of keeping the crowd awake despite the mind numbing boredom and torrential rain. My favourite moment was her impromptu rendition of our unofficial national anthem - Peter Allen's "I Still Call Australia Home". I really, really hate that song but it was great to see Kylie just sing into a microphone without the distraction of backing dancers or an elaborate costume. She sounded great but those flood lights did not do her (or anyone else) any favours. Poor Kylie looked like an extra from Underworld 3: Rise Of The Lycans! Love the jacket though. Check out Kylie's patriotic performance below.

While on the topic of Kylie, I can't pass up the opportunity to comment on "Inverse" - her new fragrance for men. On the universal scale of gayness, I'm probably somewhere between Liberace and Richard Simmons but even I would draw the line at this shit! Actually, that's a lie. I'll probably buy "Inverse" for sheer comedic value when it's being sold on Ebay for 99 cents a case but even then I would have to be under the influence of hard drugs. On the brightside, owning a bottle of this piss will save you coming out to family and friends. It's the aromatic equivalent of walking around with a T-shirt that says "I love dick". At least the commerical (below) is a classy affair. For a moment I thought they were using old footage from "Better The Devil You Know". Kylie has exactly the same hair and looks just as lovely. Hiring her own boyfriend as the male model was another nice touch. I assume Andrés is on some kind of retainer, so at least she's getting something for her money. I just wish there was some kind of explanation for the scent's intriguing name. Does it refer to the inverse relationship between your sex appeal and the amount of Kylie cologne you use?

12 comments:

Magical Froggy said...

Kylie looked FRIGHTENINGLY taut at the end of that video! :O Anyway, I'm not going to fault her for her charity efforts, I hope she helped raised money for what must be an awful disaster for those effected.

As for the "gentlemens' fragrance", I think it's a fucking joke. The woman has no shame when it comes to slapping her name on merchandise. What really infuriates me are all the nutjobs saying "@Lst kAnt waYt 2gT viS!!1!", surely you buy this stuff depending on what it smells like not whose name is associated with it? I really hope it smells foul just to teach them a lesson. Oh well, if I had legions of blind fans waiting to lap up any old shit I sold I guess I would do the same; no-one makes these loons throw their money at Kylie, she would be stupid not to extort these fools for all they're worth.

Whatever next? Kylie Red Blooded Woman Sanitary Pads, Kylie Tell Tale Signs Pregnancy Test Kit or Kylie Love Takes Over Me Cat Litter? The mind boggles...

Robpop said...

I want Inverse. Promo recalls Better The Devil You Know vid. Excellent. I Want. I Want. I Want. Must have. Up there with Kylie dolls methinks.

Robpop said...

Should have been called....

ShowBoy

or

JockStrap.

Justin said...

I'm glad she made it to Australia and at least appeared at Sound Relief. She looks awfully tired though.

As for Kylie "slapping her name on anything" I couldn't give two shits what she does when it comes to things she does outside of music. She can do whatever she wants. I am however interested in Inverse since she is finally releasing a male fragrance. I might be a good fangirl and buy me a bottle. :3

tommie said...

Speaking of the lesser Minogue - the whole Monkey Man business is getting more tragic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ndkxsM-vNIU

I can't believe she did a video!

T. said...

HI
Wow amazing pic of the sisters...
I just put a banner for ur blog on my Toy' site, hope u'll apriciate... If you can put a link 4 mine: http://latoya-jackson.blogspot.com/

thanks

(there's a lot of new Toy stuffs + I'm traumatised by the "twist of fate" cover!)

Mike said...

I couldn't care less about Kylie's entrepreneurial endeavours either. Given that people generally refuse to pay for music these days, she can bring in the cash anyway she likes. I just couldn't believe that people would actually buy "Inverse".. but obviously (given all your comments) I was very wrong! I feel like a bad fanboy now :(

Tommie - I love "Monkey Man"! It's 10 times better than anything Dannii has done since "Neon Nights".

T - Your blog is amazing! Truly stunning. I'll definitely link you up. All those Toy pics are making me drool!!!

John said...

Kylie and Rise of the Lycans referenced in the same post. One more item off the list.

D'luv said...

True story: I was walking to my car in a parking garage at the theater the Underworld 3 premiere was at, and Bill Nighy was standing on the red carpet with about 20 people flashing cameras in his face.

My friend shrieked, look, it's tentacle pussy!!! in reference to him in that second Pirates Of the Caribbean piece of S.

Anyway, I need to take you over my knee and spank your candy.

Brett said...

Where can I buy some Inverse?!

undisco_me said...

She's not surviving those close-ups anymore, at all! If anyone remembers the final scene of Death Becomes Her where Meryl and Goldie's faces have been peeling off (because they are dead), that's what Kylie is starting to resemble. In her next video I'll expect to see a cauliflower resting on her shoulders, with a wig on it of course. Kylie resembles both Kath and Kim in those two clips. And what's with the hammy singing? Tina Cousins must have been busy - her new scent 'Bareback' is coming out around the same time as 'Gash' by Kelly Llorenna, the sequal to her best-selling 'Felch' of course. It's a tough market Kylie..

Anonymous said...

I'm "anonymous" due to lack of blogger account...

Don't you think you crossed the line with that rather homophobic blog? "Aromatic equiv. of 'I Love dick'".

Who cares? I'm not ashamed to be gay. There is no reason to be in this day and age.

If the cologne smells nice, that's all that matters. It could be called "cocksucker" and it wouldn't matter. I am not ashamed to be gay, nor ashamed to be thought of as gay.