Saturday, February 21, 2009

Vanilla Vs Vogue

Firstly, I'd just like to say that this is my 400th post. Yay me! I can't think of a better way to celebrate this milestone than featuring what has to be Britain's worst ever girlband. And by worst, I obviously mean best. I'm talking about the glorious girls from Vanilla, who dragged popular music to a stunning new low with their legendary 1997 top 20 hit "No Way, No Way". Built around a sample of "Mah Nà Mah Nà" from The Muppet Show, Vanilla's anthem was a staggeringly awful attempt to grab a slice of the Spice Girls' pie at the height of girlband mania in the late 90s. I'm actually surprised "No Way, No Way" performed as well as it did given the quality (or lack thereof) of the song. The first time I heard it I was convinced it was a piss take. The "vocals" on this record have to be heard to be believed and the lyrics are even worse ("If you force yourself on me, things are going to get nar-sty!") That's not to mention the video clip (below), which highlights the girls' complete lack of coordination and breathtaking absence of style.

The crazy thing is "No Way, No Way" is actually a fantastic pop song in spite of itself. The sample is a stroke of genius and the god awful chorus gets under your skin like a flesh eating disease. In a nutshell, "No Way, No Way" is a cult classic that deserves some love for proving once and for all that any old whore can become a popstar. I have no idea what these legends are up to now but I like to think at least one of them is working the register at Woolworths. Speaking of British girlbands, it's interesting that the wheel has turned almost full circle after a couple of lean years and we're back to the boom days of the late 90s. The Saturdays have taken over from Girls Aloud as the current darlings of the pop scene, while bands like Red Blooded Women, Stonefoxx and City Girls wait patiently in the wings. Well, you can add another name to the growing list of up and coming UK girlbands - Vogue.

Vogue is comprised of three "stunners" from Yorkshire who describe themselves as "the new princesses of Clubland". They are currently supporting Cascada on tour so I guess it must be true. Scarily, these divine beings remind me of Vanilla. It's not their sound - the girls can actually sing and their dance beats are a world away from whatever craptastic genre "No Way, No Way" belongs to - but the similarity lies with Vogue's cheap and cheerful image (see above). They are geared to the lowest common denominator, which probably explains why I like them so much. Their upcoming single "Twilight" is an uptempo slice of dance-pop that should get Cascada fans all hot and bothered. It's scheduled for release on the 20th of April and I'd love to see it scrape into the charts. The video (below) is quite a glamorous affair and basically involves the ladies frolicking at the beach. I'd take them over Girls Aloud any day!

11 comments:

Robpop said...

Awwwww, Vogue.....fabulous! As were Vanilla! I loved that band! They were brilliiiiiiiiiiiiiaaaaaaant!

True to us...sublimely wonderful. The Xenomania remix...just great! Xenomania have to do a 09 special re-release of that.

Magical Froggy said...

I think you've missed the point with Vanilla...! Legend has it they were formed specifically to prove the point that you made that it was possible to have a hit with any old bunch of talentless wannabes. The label made and signed them as a bet that it was possible to make money from something so God awful. I think one of the girls was the daughter of the record label boss.

tommie said...

Vanilla's No Way No Way is truly the most awesome inane crap EVER.

By the way - did you know Robin S. is releasing Show Me Love. Again. There's even a video for it: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dUQ1LRGcVgs&feature=subscription

John said...

That Vanilla track has to be the WORST pop song ever. And top 20? Srsly? I'm at a loss. The only way Vogue is an improvement is whether you're being bludgeoned to death by Jabba the Hut or Shayne Ward. Either way, you're gonna die.

Cyber said...

I found this thread on Digital Spy from a few years back. It included an old article on them about being dropped and becoming a Marxist pop band (?!!?!)
http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=176391

Paul said...

both were brilliantly shit and shittily brilliant. See what the future could've been Billiam? Tsk.

Anonymous said...

PWL connections with both groups!! Supposedly Vanilla were to cover Bananarama's "Love in the First Degree" but it didn't happen thank God.

And Vogue did a cover version of craptastic Mandy Smith's "Victim of Pleasure."

Mike said...

MF - I am well aware of those rumours but I find them a bit suspect. It's a LOT of money to waste on a silly bet. That said, if it's true, it would only make me love Vanilla even more!

Anon - That's fabulous. I would love to hear Vogue's tribute to Mandy Smith but thank sweet baby Jesus that Vanilla never had a chance to fuck with "Love In The First Degree"!!!

undisco_me said...

Oh I have some unreleased Vanilla tracks I should put up for inspection. They look fried in the first video they made, the stench booze and kebabs practically seaps out whatever speakers blast their brilliance like shitting wattery dihorea.

You honestly haven't lived until screaming "I cud have any gewl 'ere but it's yoooour lucky night!" at full capacity in a gay bar. It's ownership.

Such a shame the uplifting Xeonomania remix forgets all about the best part of the song.

Xeono would have had their work cut out propping the girls back up a third time. I would love to see these girls chaffe the P.A circuit as they were completely haggared then, nevermind 10 years on. Bingo wings and cellulite could not ask for a better home. Even t'Spice Girls acknowledged them on a show called Live & Kicking - if these girls are still alive I'm sure their legs are pointing towards the cieling in some way at least.

They did an impressive TOTP performance of No Way No Way, which floated at the top for the top 20 for at least two stodge weeks of sheer tragic brillance.

Adem With An E said...

Vanilla! That track (No Way No Way) was, I believe, my absolute favourite track on one particular WILD FM compilation back in the day.

Anonymous said...

This post made my day!! Thank you so much. I just can't believe I actually thought Vanilla was kinda cool back when I was 13 and mah na ma nahing in my room;)