1. Out Of Control - Girls Aloud
The white supremacist and her four hooker friends excreted their 5th studio album in 2008 and it's every bit as vile as their previous offerings. I don't even know why I bothered listening to "Out Of Control" in the first place. I've never understood the appeal of Britain's five worst vocalists or their bland, lifeless "songs" - inevitably overproduced to the point of parody by the once great Xenomania. I can't even enjoy these pop parasites on a so-bad-it's-good level anymore. That simple mercy has been squashed by their increasingly pretentious output as evidenced on "Out Of Control". I thought "The Promise" (the least convincing retro pop number of this decade or any other) was the bottom of the barrel but unfortunately the whole album is jam packed with stinking turds of equal measure. From beginning to end, this is a stomach churning succession of recycled ideas and bad execution. In a nutshell, "Out Of Control" is less appealing than Nicola's face. Without make-up.
2. Dance Love Pop - Agnes Carlsson
Not since the bad old days of Ratshit (Rachel) Stevens has one diva managed to destroy so many decent pop songs with her reed thin voice and astounding lack of personality. Agnes Carlsson is the musical equivalent of R2D2. She has no passion, no soul and no warmth. Listening to "Dance Love Pop", you could be forgiven for thinking that Agnes is completely devoid of humanity. There is, quite simply, no emotional connection to the lyrics or music. It's a shame because the album could have been quite fun if it wasn't performed by an evil robot.
3. Spirit (Deluxe Edition) - Leona Lewis
The most boring cunt in modern music embellishes her already shit album with even more soulless ballads and dreary mid-tempo jams custom made to highlight her incredibly mediocre voice and breathtaking lack of charisma. The joy.
4. The Circus - Take That
I was originally quite excited about the reformation of Take That until I realised that they had transformed into the boyband equivalent of James Blunt. The occasional cliché filled power ballad can be entertaining but a whole album of them borders on cruel and unusual punishment.
5. Hard Candy - Madonna
Earlier this year, I described "Hard Candy" as the musical equivalent of being fisted by a thick wristed dwarf. In retrospect, I think I was being overly kind.
These stinkers round out my ten worst albums of 2008:
Circus - Britney Spears
Viva La Vida - Coldplay
Safe Trip Home - Dido
Peliculas - Lorena
Heavy Rotation - Anastacia