Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Pray For Pablo

I've always suspected that there was something not quite right about Cheryl Cole. It's almost impossible to fathom how someone so spectacularly void of talent and charisma could become a star - let alone be deemed fit to judge the X Factor alongside pop royalty like Dannii Minogue! I can only think of one plausible explanation. Cheryl is obviously a demon sent from the fiery realms of hell to strip heavenly Dannii of her X Factor spotlight and her #1 Spanish fan. This may sound slightly outlandish but consider the irrefutable evidence:

1. Cheryl's hair gets higher every week. A clever ploy to cover her horns.

2. Dannii's former #1 Spanish fan, Pablo of Peibols fame, recently had the nerve to suggest that Cheryl was the best X Factor judge and even began spamming my inbox with scantily clad images of the Girls Aloud hussy. The world hasn't witnessed this kind of demonic possession since Linda Blair's head started spinning in "The Exorcist". At this rate it's only a matter of time before Pablo projectile vomits pea soup and pleasures himself with a crucifix!

3. The latest Girls Aloud shitfest is called "The Promise" - a blatant reference to Cheryl's pact with Satan. I rest my case.

Now that Cheryl's true identity has been unveiled, I have faith that Dannii can thwart her evil plans by putting holy water in her douche or painting over the pentagram in her dressing room. Speaking of evil forces, Saturday's episode of the X Factor was utterly diabolical. Dannii looked like she had been attacked by a straightening iron, Cheryl displayed the full extent of her mediocrity by singing completely out of tune and the contestants were all rubbish. Even lovely Ruth Lorenzo managed to disappoint, although she redeemed herself with a fabulous rendition of "Purple Rain" after finishing in the bottom two. I'll never bitch about Australian Idol ever again!

Ruth shows the other bitches how it's done


Peibols said...

I'm not possessed.
I have the truth.

You know I respect you, because you're an elder like the ugly Minogue sister, but you know Cheryl is good, Cheryl is love and Cheryl is the best at lipsync!

I'm going to make a spam mail to all the Cheryl's spanish gay fans. Whenever you think about put a foot in Spain, we'll receive you singing her latest bside. And you'll be part of us.

I let you here a picture of me and some of Chezza's fans.

Enjoy us!

tommie said...

Ruth is quickly becoming a favourite of mine - I was seeing a novelty act, but man, she can belt out a tune!

Tony Tornado said...

Who is Cheryl?
Has Pei sold her any sandwich? If not, she's nobody.

Jamie said...

Ruth's rendition of 'Purple Rain' was amazing, shame about her boyfriend though. He must have a really nice personality!

Kevin said...

I'm confused Mike. Your blog is called Pop TRASH Addicts. Shouldn't Girls Aloud be like your Patron Saint? They are truly trash, and like you say, their latest is a shitfest.

If Adem is reading this, someone better be calling an ambulance... :P

bubu said...

paola have always lied to you all. he's in fact more fans of GA than Minogues.
we have lost him forever. no matter what dannii prayers you invoke.

ps. I love the pic!!

Jay said...

Its no wonder racist Cheryl's husband prefers romping with cheaper strumpets and not sticking mobile phones up his arse and those of his other manly heterosexual football buddies.

The Baps are the path to righteousness!

Anonymous said...

What? X Factor is worse than Aussie Idol? Get real! I'd rather listen to any of the girls on this year's X Factor over Chrislyn and Roshani any day!

Great blog BTW. Bitch.