Sunday, October 12, 2008

The Dannii Factor!

Let me just get this out of the way. Dannii completely wiped the floor with that cunt from Girls Aloud on X Factor! I've been mortified by the Queen of Clubs' lack of air time during the auditions but stunning Holidannii OWNED the show tonight. No wonder 62% of viewers name her as their favourite judge! From the moment she appeared on stage wearing a blue chiffon monstrosity that would shame most drag queens, it was clear that Dannii wanted all eyes on her. And who could possibly resist? When she wasn't taking the piss out of Louis, she was brawling with Simon or making subtle jabs about Cheryl's song selection. That's not to mention her stunning dance moves during Rachel's dubious cover of "With Every Heartbeat" and her constant flirting with every male contestant, including 16 year old Eoghan! In the space of one show, Dannii reclaimed her throne as the queen of X Factor - well and truly kicking dull as dishwater Cheryl to the curb. By the end of the show I almost felt sorry for her. I can only imagine how intimidating Dannii's ravishing beauty and hypnotic charisma would be in person.

Despite owning the judging panel, I don't like Holidannii's chances of winning the competition this year. Daniel is nice but has a rubbish voice, Rachel has a brilliant set of pipes but she's clearly a nutter (and still on crack), while voluptuous Ruth is perhaps a little bit too fabulous for the show. Her sensual Spanglish ballads, pendulous baps, dramatic hand gestures and excessive use of the wind machine make her my favourite contestant - by far - but I doubt the UK is ready for a sexy Spanish diva to win X Factor. I'm not a huge fan of any of the groups and the boys are all vile. My money is on one of the girls taking home the prize. I hate to think how many producers desperate Cheryl had to blow in order to become their mentor! Anyway, her pathetic attempt to steal Dannii's glory will end in tears. Only one judge has the X Factor and her name rhymes with fanny. I hope poor Cheryl remembers to wear a jacket next week. It's going to get pretty cold there in Dannii's shadow!


Aaron said...

Well - You're well and truly back! It took a Dannii post to convince me!

Have you heard the Kylie/Dannii duet?

Jump! said...

Mike-you're back! About time! Why don't they just don't let Dannii win the damn Xfactor show? Its not like any of the useless drivel from the show are real stars anyway.

In any case good to have you back. Holidannii was really rubbing off on you! My new blog is at if you care to keep up with my current music musings.

Jump! said...

That should have said why don't they just let Dannii win Xfactor.

Paul said...

oh thank god. every time i fume with my distaste for Cheryl Tweedy Cole on my blog, all the comments tell me how amazing she is, and frankly only Adem with an E can get away with that. i adore dannii - she has a shit category though :( Laughed my ass off when she did her impression of Louis cheering JLS (Jack The Lad Swing? OH FUCK OFF!!) and even though i don't really like any of her contestants, i sort of want her to win just to shut Biffa Tweedy up.

Robpop said...

Fucking fab!

I didnt watch it-no tv.

But i did watch Rachels performance of With Every Heartbeat through the power of youtube (shame it wasnt xtube).

And my opinion is as follows:

Rachel hated it. But she showed a capability and possibility to do a dance track. And, as Dannii said, get the crowd up. This is important.

I thought it was a bit strange...that Cheryl should bitch about the song seeing as her band have been singing it at every opportunity they can. Its a part of their recent tour too.

Simon didnt like the song. But Simon isnt always right. He's probably vexed his company missed out on the track.

And Dannii...well she was fabulous. But perhaps that version was wrong for Rachel. Perhaps are more subtle version that allowed her to trill away would have suited the tablet that is the X Factor stage.

Ruth is my favourite. Get her singing Monica Naranjo/Marta Sanchez tragihits!!!!! Make X Factor all the more interesting.


Wasn't it funny that Dannii was the first judge to have all her acts safe...

Jay said...

Dannii is too fabulous for the shitty X Factor!

I'm currently watching Dannii vs Racist Slag Beard on MTV Hits - and clearly Dannii wins by a landslide! Opening with rubber fetishests wank fantasy Touch me Like That, baring her baps for You Won't Forget About Me, throwing it down with Perfection, I Begin To Wonder, Put The Needle On It and ending the show with the stunning Don't Wanna Lose This Feeling playing two more tracks by the Queen Of Clubs than by those scrubbers!

tommie said...

I didn't get the hate for With Every Heartbeat - it's a great emotional song with stomp in it! I thought it actually suited Rachel very well as it did show off a different side of her. Crack diva!

It would've been so easy for Dannii to just give her a Amy Winehouse or Duffy song...

Anonymous said...

So glad to see you blogging again Mike! As always Dannii is the queen, I have no interest in Racist Tweedy, old Simon or the 'other one' and I think the risk Dannii took last night paid off. That's what makes her the best judge, she actually pushes her acts, though why Daniel 'My Wife Is Dead' is there I have no idea, Ruth is amazing though! Probably too amazing for the general public but amazing nonetheless.

I was trying to think of what would be a good song for Rachel last night and it's pretty difficult really...the only one I could think of that she could really pull off well (other than Winehouse) is 'Killing Me Softly'.

I'm sure she'd trade in one of her kids for the chance to win x-factor!

Heavy crisco xx

Jamie said...

Such a fabulous write up! Your commentary texts made the frankly abismal first live show so much more interesting.

Peibols said...

I totally disagree, and you know it.
As soon as you put your left foot on Spain, a brunch of Cheryl's gay fans (headed by me) are gonna tear all your clothes and send you back to Oz.

Cheryl is the best judge.
And Ruth is the best, of course. But I still don't understand why they made her sing half spanish half english.

What will be next? In My Arms, with Alex Synteck lyrics?


undisco_me said...

I love Dannii constantly patronizing Lou-Lou at all turns, but she needs to ease up on the not-so-subtle gay taunts (the mimmicking of his bending-over-to-hide-his-semi was on the spot, but the "oooh" was very borderline). Clearly, JailBaitBitch is going to be Dannii's real life lesbians-in-prison fantasy come true, no wonder she had such expression in her, well the point is she sounded really happy.

I would happily have 3 of those black guys - 1 of those I'd only have as part of a meal deal but the other 2 have me looser than Dannii tied up on a sling at bootcamp asking Rachel to "come a little closer".

D'luv said...

I hope lots of mouth-riding goes down...literally.