Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Rebecca Loos - Urban Diva!

I almost passed out with delight when I heard that Rebecca Loos was embarking on a pop career. For the uninitiated, Rebecca is best known for carrying on a torrid affair with David Beckham behind Victoria's back - before selling the gory details to the News Of The World. And who could blame David? Posh is a dried up bag of bones with bad teeth and a stretched uterus, while stunning Rebecca is all woman. Since riding David, sexy Bec has gone on to become a global trash icon with her seemingly endless publicity whoring. Here are some of her highlights:

- Masturbated a pig on UK reality TV show "The Farm"
- Had sex in the toilets with Calum Best on "Celebrity Love Island"
- Married a woman on the TV show "Power Lesbian UK"
- Placed third on Spanish Survivor
- Presented entertainment news on Dutch TV
- Played a bisexual masseuse on "Dream Team"
- Was reprimanded for performing oral sex on an Air New Zealand flight
- Posed nude for Playboy magazine
- Appeared on "Temptation Island" and "Extreme Celebrity Detox"
- Publicly declared that Victoria Beckham lacked class and elegance

What's more, this dignified lady appeared on all those trashy reality TV shows for humanitarian purposes. Caring Rebecca declares on her website that she is saving money to open a school in Sri Lanka. What a saint! Hopefully the sales from Bec's stunning music career - if it ever takes off - will help pay for a few textbooks or at least some new breast implants. Her debut single, under the glamorous stage name Phoenix, has finally appeared on youtube and it's even more fabulous than I could have imagined. "Your Boyfriend" is an enchanting ode to Rebecca's endless sex appeal. No man (or woman, for that matter) is safe with Bec on the prowl and she's letting the competition know it! The biggest surprise is Rebecca's amazing vocal ability - her dulcet tones are a thing of great beauty. Poor Victoria must be seething that Rebecca's attempt at R'n'B is so much better than her own. Now, when is this glorious crap hitting stores? My collection is crying out for some Loos!


tommie said...

This is like a trash addict's wet dream come true!

Thank God they weren't afraid to use the autotune.

Mike said...

How dare you question Rebecca's natural vocal ability? She is the saviour of pop!

I wonder if the song will actually be released - the h8trs are out in force already:

How rude!!

what a LOOSer said...

How dare u be so spiteful about Victoria!1! She is a legendary pop star while that vile woman u r heaping praise on is nothing mor than a despicble prozzie and homewrecking slut without a shred of moral fibre or dignity!!!1

Arlen said...

She is vile! Also I am definitely one for a great trashy pop tune but that song seriously bites the weeny! What a load of crap and damn! is that bitch ugly!!!
BTW Victoria Beckham is STUNNING! Love her :)

Mike said...

Please, Victoria isn't half the woman Rebecca is! Is Posh prostituting herself around the globe to open a school?! I don't think so! Think of all those under-educated Sri Lankans relying on the stunning Ms Loos!

Me said...

How fabulous! Stunning Rebecca Loos is so classy - and long may she continue to display her talents.

Sticktoria Troglodytes are almost as funny as the anonymous Droids!

tommie said...

What's with the Loos hate? I guess she's too edgy for Britain to handle!

The guy who raps on the track is German, so maybe it'll be released there?

Mike said...

Hey Jay! The anonymous droids are hilarious. Apparently I'm driving Dannii to suicide! I'm glad you can appreciate Rebecca's pop genius.

You're so right, Tommie. The Loos is just too fabulous for boring, old Britain. I hope "Your Boyfriend" is a #1 German smash - which would be one more #1 than Posh has ever achieved...

D'luv said...

She seems like a sweet gal you'd f*** into dust in the back of a rusty pickup truck. Oh, and she sings, too? Well, while she's got her trap open...

Dame Judi Dench said...


This the greatest piece of art ever produced by mankind and it made me thoroughly wet. (Natch!)

Jamie said...

I love Rebecca and her wonky conk.

This is fabulous. She is my all time 'kiss and tell' slut. Also she went from wanking off one pig to another on Channel 5's 'The Farm' which saw a number of viewers complaints claiming it was bestiality.

Richee said...

What worse then her bestiality was her singing on Celebrity X Factor!