Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Listening To This Hurts The Most

Even the most casual reader of Pop Trash Addicts has surely realised by now that I don’t give a fuck about musical credibility, originality or artistic integrity. Disco dykes? Yes, please! Poptastic grannies? Gimme more! Foul mouthed trannies? Even better! And yet, as much as I revel in the trashy side of pop, I remain strangely immune to the dubious charms of Cascada – the massively successful Eurotrance outfit fronted by a horse faced German diva called Natalie. A collection of trance cover versions cheesier than a piss pig's cock, their debut album seemed destined for an AATW clearance sale but stunned everyone by becoming a global chart smash despite sounding like it had been dragged kicking and screaming from 1996. Don’t get me wrong – I like Cascada’s music but I fully expected them to slide into oblivion with the grace of 2 Unlimited or the Real McCoy. Their continued success seems, well, completely unnecessary.

Cascada returned to the UK top 10 in December with another craptastic cover version, “What Hurts The Most” and it’s now Australia’s turn to experience the wonder of their latest Euro-turd. Surprisingly, I’m finding it hard to muster a lot of enthusiasm. “What Hurst The Most” is shiny slice of commercial trance that will no doubt compel trashbags across the nation to grab the nearest glow stick but I can’t get past the grimly manufactured sound, the almost clinical lack of emotion and the lazy song selection. “What Hurts The Most” has been covered several times, first by Jo O’Meara (of S Club 7 “fame”) before more recently being given the country treatment by Rascal Flatts. I like both versions but Jo’s lovely rendition is proof that pop and emotion are not mutually exclusive. Shame she turned out to be a suicidal racist. It’s not all bad, I guess. D’Luv revealed his secret heterosexual yearnings by waxing lyrical about Caskanka’s breasts, while Jamie from Poplicious highlights the innate camp appeal of the video clip (below), which finds our beloved Teutonic automaton singing heartbreaking lyrics with a beaming smile while being tattooed –no less!

As rubbish as the song is, I'm still rather taken by Yanou's obligatory Candlelight Mix. Stripped of its cheap trance trappings, this version actually sounds like it was sung by a human being instead of an emotionless robot. If “What Hurts The Most” rings your bell, take heart. Cascada’s new album, “Perfect Day”, serves up more of the same. I could only listen to it a couple of times before putting it to better use as a beer coaster but their version of Avril Lavigne’s “Sk8ter Boi” is a rather delicious concoction. “What Hurts The Most” is released in Australia on the 18th of February. Order your copy here.

16 comments:

Me said...

Just when I thought you would never include the Goddess in one of your posts!

I love Cascada - Natalie is an Icon Of Fabulousness!

I knew I should have sent you a copy of their stunning debut album Everytime We Touch

I suspect that their continued $uce$$ is not just down to Natalies thunder thighs and buxom baps, but her dulcet tones and the fact that they actually promote, having toured the UK, Ireland and Europe extensively last year and are appearing at some AATW / Clubland tour in March!

Mike said...

Natalie needs to have her lobotomy reversed. She's so removed from the context and meaning of the material she's interpreting, it's almost scary. That said, I still kind of like them. It's just annoying that vastly more fabulous acts (K Lo for one) are stuck in the AATW gutter while these hacks enjoy mainstream success.

stoobydoo said...

Jo stole it from American country crap artist Mark Wills...

Jamie said...

I find the Cascada bird so tragic but at the same time strangely appealing, it's akin to slowing down for car crashes.

Like you I cant understand the mainstream success of their songs. I'm just hoping there is hope for the likes of the 2Girlz if this sort of shit is accepted as Top 10 chart fodder in the UK.

Mike said...

Hey Stooby, yeah I knew that Jo's was a cover too but at least she treats the song with some respect. I wonder what she's up to at the moment. Probably throwing eggs at minority groups.

Jamie, I'm exactly the same - I want to hate Cascada but I can't. That doesn't stop me finding them any less irritating and bogus. I hope they pave the way for other tragic acts - 2 Girls deserve a #1 hit in the UK!

D'luv said...

This is the hottest post I've read since whatever the last one I did was, love. I just pissed my jeans and spit wine onto my Mac.

Mike said...

That's high praise indeed! Thank you.

alikspulse said...

i actually like this version - i mean i know its tacky but its quite fun

ive been listening to the spencer/hill remix of it a lot lately actually =)

undisco_me said...

"Shiny" like a greasy turd swimming in one of K-Lo's fake tan barrels (I hate to imagine what her knickers look like), and yes sung with all the sensitivity of a 15 inch penis. What Hurts The Most is obviously an anthem dedicated to getting daisy chained - they know their market.

Was it Bellefire who sang the original? Some American group were even singing it on daytime UK tv today!

Me said...

I hope everyone has voted for the stunning Natalie in the FHM Top 100 Sexiest Women poll!

Mike said...

Once again, undisco_me takes the words from my mouth! And yes, Rascall Flatts are releasing their version in the UK this week.

Can you confirm that Natalie is indeed a woman before we vote for her in the FHM poll?

Me said...

Natalie is all woman! And her DD's are natural!

I think she shares make-up artists with K Lo though...

Anonymous said...

I read this blog often, yet never comment so I decided now is the best time to start.

Compared to a lot of other blogs, you stand out as witty and current. Your comments are bitchy, yet honest.

The simple title "listening to this hurts the most" made me burst out laughing. I hate Cascada, and you are so right about it being 90s. I hate her music so much and think these covers are lame.

Mike said...

K Lo looks infinitely better. Natalie looks like a she-male Bierfrau from Bavaria. Not hot!

Thanks for the compliments, Anon. That's very kind! I think Cascada is appalling but I do like some of their stuff. This song, however, is just utter rubbish.

Jamie said...

"Natalie looks like a she-male Bierfrau from Bavaria"

I will forever think of this description when seeing the 'kebab and chips' girl as I like to call her.

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