Sunday, March 25, 2007

La Toya's "Hit" - I Don't Play That

As a loud and proud Toy Soldier (see my La Toya dictionary), it deeply pains me to speak ill of the most talented Jackson to emerge from the hallowed grounds of Havenhurst. I firmly believe that Toy Toy is the most underrated pop singer in musical history. Which other act has released 9 phenomenal albums over the space of 20 years, yet has no hits to show for it? This all seemed destined to change when "Startin' Over" leaked last year to a rapturous fan reception. "Startin' Over" was one of my 10 favourite albums of 2006 and her stunning ode to the Jackson family, "Home", was my favourite song. La Toya looked certain to finally emerge from the shadow of her siblings in 2007 with a re-worked version of "Startin Over" and a hot reality TV series, "Armed & Famous".

However, in true toytastic style, La Toya's show was cancelled - just as she had recorded an appalling song called "Armed & Famous" to cash in on the series. Instead of scrapping the song and retaining her dignity, La Toya and her ingenious label decided to simply change the song's title to "I Don't Play That" and re-launch La Toya's career with a novelty song about La Toya's escapades as a celebrity policewoman. "I Don't Play That" is wrong on so many levels, that it is something of a craptastic masterpiece. A 50 year old woman singing about her glock is rather amusing, particularly when La Toya's only experience with crime was posing as a transsexual prostitute in order to arrest johns on a reality TV show. However, I am one of the few people who don't consider La Toya to be a joke and it pains me that all the good work she has done over the past couple of years is being undone by this stinker.

But what do I know? The song is actually gaining some airplay and it is currently sitting at #331 on the Billboard R'n'B charts - by La Toya's standards that is a veritable smash hit! Furthermore, Toy's useless record company has even made this hilarious internet advertisement to promote the song. For La Toya's sake, I hope it's a hit. I just have my fingers crossed that this is a small blip on an otherwise fabulous career.

7 comments:

Jamie_movietrip said...

Toy will bust a cap in your ass for this! I love 'I Don't Play That' - I've asked a few friends to visit her myspace but I'm yet to hear what they think of the song yet!

Trash Addict said...

They are probably in some kind of catatonic state of shock, agony and disgust after listening to it! I like the song because it's La Toya but, objectively, it could be the worst song ever recorded.

Miss Heide Von Binterschlappen said...

Toy or not, it is rather shite...

On the plus side, it is the song that made Toy get a myspace so that even more people will get rocked by JWD & FTW.

Anonymous said...

"However, I am one of the few people who don't consider La Toya to be a joke"

What-Everrrrrrr!

Trash Addict said...

Are you questioning my La Toya loyalty? How rude!

Anonymous said...

lord. she's awful...there's no way in a million years this'll be a hit.

Robpop said...

Anonymous..go and anon your hole or that "lord" you refer to.

Just Wanna Dance(chris cox mix) is in my veins. The lyrics are brilliant.