Thursday, January 25, 2007

My La Toya Dictionary

La Toya Jackson is one of the patron saints of Pop Trash Addicts - as the multitude of posts devoted to Queen Toy clearly attest. I've had a couple of queries about some of the Toy terminology that I use, so I have decided to put together a La Toya Dictionary. As La Toya's new single, "Armed & Famous", is apparently ready to hit radio and propel La Toya to international superstardom, there is no time like the present for a little La Toya education!

La Toya Dictionary

AmyJa-Tail’s technologically challenged secretary.

Baby Sister – A formal nickname for La Toya’s sister Janet. Stems from La Toya’s 1986 song about Janet, called “Baby Sister”.

Back door – La Toya’s anus. This term became popular with Toy Soldiers after La Toya sang about rubbing her big back door in “Just Wanna Dance”.

Chicken Fajitas – La Toya’s favourite vegetarian meal.

The Church – An abbreviation for The Church of La Toya, which is the spiritual home of La Toya fans.

Do a chest-to-chest – A reference to lyrics in “Just Wanna Dance”. Literal meaning is to rub one’s breasts against someone else’s breasts in a sexual manner.

Feel somebody’s funk – To be attracted to someone. A reference to La Toya’s debut single, and Dutch top 20 smash hit, “If You Feel The Funk”.

Front door – La Toya’s vagina. A reference to lyrics in the song “Sexbox”.

Get correct – A reference to lyrics in La Toya’s New Zealand mega-hit “You’re Gonna Get Rocked”. Another way of saying “wisen up”.

Gordon Years – The years La Toya spent married to Jack Gordon.

Ja-Tail – La Toya’s useless record company – which has still managed to not release a single commercially available item in 5 years.

Ja-Tail Gate – The scandal that ensued when a Toy Soldier discovered that Ja-Tail’s office is a post box.

Jack Gordon – La Toya’s psychotic and abusive ex-manager, who is currently burning in hell.

Janft - Janet Jackson

Jeffre Phillips – La Toya’s incompetent manager and rumoured gay husband.

Manet – Janet Jackson. This nickname brings attention to Janet’s masculine appearance.

Manita Ho – A play on Janet Jackson’s middle name, Damita Jo. This nickname brings attention to both Janet’s masculine build and the fact that she is a slut.
Toy Toy, The Tranny & Manita Ho

Psychic Toy – References to La Toya’s reputed psychic power and supernatural abilities come from La Toya fronting a psychic hotline.

Put someone in check - A threat of violence. This is another reference to "You're Gonna Get Rocked".

Rub one’s big back door – A reference to the lyrics in “Just Wanna Dance”. Means to rub one’s buttocks in a sexual fashion.

Sexbox - La Toya's vagina. A reference to lyrics in La Toya's Dutch smash hit "Sexbox".

Throw it down – La Toya claims to be “throwin’ it down with a new sound” in “You’re Gonna Get Rocked, meaning to “show what one’s got”.

Toy – A more formal version of La Toya’s nickname.

Toy’s Haven – La Toya’s fan chatroom.

Toy Soldiers – La Toya’s fans.

Toy Toy – La Toya’s nickname. Fans use it as a term of endearment.

Toygasm – An orgasm experienced while reading about, watching or listening to La Toya.

Toygate – The scandal that followed La Toya claiming that Michael Jackson was a child molester.

Toyriffic – Terrific but in a camp, outrageous or fabulously unsuccessful way.

Toytacular – Spectacular but in a camp, outrageous or fabulously unsuccessful way.

Toytastic – Fantastic but in a camp, outrageous or fabulously unsuccessful way.

The Tranny – Michael Jackson. A reference to Michael’s cross-dressing antics.

Trial Toy Toy – A reference to La Toya's fabulous publicity whoring antics at Michael Jackson's trial.

The Universal Love Of La Toya – The original place of online worship for La Toya fans.

Walls – La Toya’s vaginal opening. A reference to lyrics in La Toya’s Euro-house classic “Sexual Feeling”.


Jamie said...

Someone call HarperCollins! Pure genius! I am sure it would sell more copies than the manky old regular dictionary. I can imagine Toy posing for pictures to illustrate each letter!

Trash Addict said...

Thanks, jamie! This is the first comment I've been able to post - it seems I've upset some Jackson loons! YAY! :)

La Toya said...

Ooooh post them all! We'll laugh at their comments as we throw them to the lions with the Christians!

The Prophet said...

YOU DID NOT CALL THE QUEEN A SLUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Anonymous said...

latoyajzacksonisnot slut love somuuh soplesaletme have went hertosingat sea world

Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...