Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Happy New Year!!

New Year's Resolution
#1 To stop being a fat bastard

Happy new year, fellow pop trash addicts! May your 2007 be full of success, happiness, good health and well hung men! I tend to get sentimental around this time of year but I couldn't wait to say goodbye to 2006. Last year was a complete disaster for me and I'm determined to turn things around in 2007. I have decided to aim low and fix the easy problems first. I'm sure that finding a decent man (well, one that isn't a complete cunt), focusing on my career and working out my finances might take some doing - so I'm going to begin by losing the love handles and getting fit and fabulous. Actually, I'd just be happy not to be mistaken for Kirstie Alley in drag! In order to help shed the blubber, I've dusted off some of my favourite workout songs. Nothing gets me sweating like an 80s aerobics anthem and I hope you find them equally inspiring.

Queen Toy's workout video is highly recommended - even if she admits doing the routine for the first time during filming!

According to Oprah, the first step to overcoming a problem is admitting it. The late, unbelievably great, Wesley Willis expressed exactly how I am feeling with his classic "I'm Sorry That I Got Fat". I plan to pay tribute to Wesley with a detailed post later this year but until then, I think he's speaking for all of us with this amazing tune.

Jordan's workout defies belief! She just lies on a mat and watches a hot man exercise. It works for me!

Ok, maybe that wasn't the greatest idea I've ever had. Listening to all that talk about burgers and fries has only made me hungry. I think it's time to slip on some leg warmers and shake my fat arse to some 80s pop songs before I have a relapse! The obvious starting point for any "pop trash" workout is Olivia Newton-John's "Physical". No other song is as closely associated with headbands and leotards as this classic. From the first verse to Olivia's final note, "Physical" is irresistable and more importantly, makes me want to jump on the nearest exercise bike.

The overwhelming success of "Physical" set off a brief but incredibly fabulous trend for workout songs. Two of my favourites are "Work That Body" by Diana Ross and "I Can Do Anything Better Than You Can" from the "Fame" television series. "Work That Body" is one of the best songs Diana released in the 80s. The song is beyond camp, with Diana calling her sisters to "work off that piece of cake"! Unfortunately, something is wrong with the "Work That Body" file I uploaded. An anti-climax, I know!

Those buns scare me!

"I Can Do Anything Better Than You Can" is a duet between Debbie Allen and Erica Gimpel. Fans of "Fame" will remember the song from the episode in which Lydia (Debbie Allen) challenges a local football team to a dance off, in order prove the fitness level of her students! Erica played Coco, the horsey star student, although she is probably best known for her current role on "Veronica Mars" these days. Just like everything else on the many amazing "Kids From Fame" albums, this song is a minor work of pop genius. Get stretching, girls!

I love Richard Simmons. I would work up a disco sweat with him any time!

Surely dancing to a couple of three minute pop songs is a long enough workout for even the most serious athlete? I would hate for anyone to pull a muscle. The key is variety and I believe the answer lies with one of my favourite divas, the inimitable Millie Jackson. Millie's "Sexercise" is the most instructional workout song I've come across and is by far the most appealing to carry out! As Millie points out, the bedroom can be a gym and she has a selection of positions for everyone to try. Personally, I'll be working on my jaw muscles with Millie's helpful "A, E, I, O, U" oral sexercises.

In order to make up for the dud "Work That Body" file, I've uploaded another Millie J filth anthem. "Butt-A-Cize" is a sequel to "Sexercise", only this time Millie's workout routine is more specific! I know I could do with some "Butt-A-Cize" and I'm sure it will work wonders for flabby buns around Blog Land. I've uploaded a rare "Club Mix", although I'm not sure what kind of "club" would play it. I'm guessing one with plastic benches and lube dispensers. It's always classy at Pop Trash Addicts!

Buns Of Steel - Tai Chi. Hmmm.

Trust me, we'll all be thinner than Nicole Ritchie in no time! If all else fails, there's always crystal meth. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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