Tuesday, December 19, 2006
Cunts Of The Week - Girls Aloud
Girls Aloud are a pack of dirty cunts. To celebrate this undeniable fact, the nasty skanks have the honour of being my third "Cunt Of The Week", after Z-share and myself! I don't want to offend the army of desperate queens who worship the cum-soaked ground the "girls" walk on, but enough is enough. Girls Aloud are rubbish and I can't hold my tongue any longer!
I'm not irked so much by the fact that the five sluts are rubbish (a glance at the rest of this Blog should make that pretty clear), rather it is their complete lack of personality, the monotony of their musical output and their deluded posing as "pop pioneers". Bitches, please! The Pussycat Dolls have more talent than the lot of you and only one of those skanks can sing! The most annoying thing is that I should love them. In theory, the idea of five unattractive, anorexic chavs who mime along to re-hashed Xenomania tunes should be incredibly appealing. I should be beside myself with delight at the stories of Nadine fucking Z-list celebrities in aeroplane toilets and Sarah telling a crowd of music industry execs that she really considers herself to be a "rock chick".
Instead, I can't look past their pathetic attempts to be taken seriously and the disdain with which they cover classic songs as a marketing exercise. Their destruction of the Pointer Sisters' "Jump" was brutal. However, that looks like a loving tribute in comparison to their hatchet job on Tiffany's 80s classic "I Think We're Alone Now". Did any of the five cum receptacles even bother listening to the original? They have turned Tiffany's adorable ode to misunderstood youth into a Euro-trash spectacle that makes Cascada's offerings seem like genius in comparison. And then, there are their fans.
Heaven help me, but I'm going to go there! Pop Justice used to be my place of spiritual worship on the net until every second post was devoted to these whores and their previously holy forums became a meeting point for effeminate 12 year old boys to carry out conversations similar to this:
Kimberley4Eva: OMG Kimberley iz tha hottest!
Nadine4Life: LOL - Soz, Nadine iz so much hotta.. hehe :)
This kind of behaviour has spread across the internet like a virus. Who are these people and can they please fuck off? When did looking like a praying mantis in a mini-skirt become such a highly prized skill?
OK, my rant is almost over. I just thought I would demonstrate that literally anyone could do a better job at covering Tiffany. Have a listen to The Smurfs sing "I Think We're Alone Now" and realise how painfully mediocre Girls Aloud really are.