Kylie is quite possibly the 8th wonder of the world. Never before has so much goodness been contained in such a little package. While we wait for Kylie's long awaited return to the world of pop, I thought it would be fun to share a selection of Kylie classics that have been destroyed by a variety of musical legends, nobodies and has-beens. I have selected 10 cover versions which display the range of artists who has been inspired by Miss Minogue or who have simply done their best to cash in on her success. I left out a couple of notable covers, particularly Steps re-make of "Better The Devil You Know" (because I hate it) and Mandy Smith's attempt at "Got To Be Certain" (because I believe she actually sang it first). I'm sure there are many more, so please post a comment and let us know what else is out there!
1. Your Disco Needs You - Kelly Marie & Tina Charles
Kelly Marie and Tina Charles were two of the leading ladies of English disco. I love them both dearly and intend to devote entire posts to both of them. However, there really is no excusing the musical abomination that is their duet re-make of "Your Disco Needs You". How did it come to this, ladies? I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry! This is so tragic, yet I would be a complete liar if I said I didn't like it. So fabulously awful, it has to be heard to be believed!
2. Giving You Up - Zeigeist
This cover version was posted on the brilliant Catchy Tunes Of Sweden Blog. I loved it from the first listen and this is probably the only cover that improves on the original. That might sound like sacrilege but I think "Giving You Up" is one of the worst singles Kylie has ever released. It sounds too similar to the rubbish being churned out by Girls Aloud. Zeigeist, on the other hand, have made it their own with their avant-garde approach. I don't know anything about this band apart from the fact that they are Swedish and wear weird uniforms on stage. Great stuff!
3. Hand On Your Heart - Jose Gonzalez
I have already dedicated an entire post to rubbishing this horribly pretentious cover by the Swedish James Blunt. Yes, he really is that bad! The less said, the better. Fuck off back to Sweden, you silly cunt.
4. Better The Devil You Know - Kia
Kia is one of the cheap tarts on the Almighty roster. You know what to expect from an Almighty mix and this doesn't disappoint. Yes, it's craptastic and nasty but I like it. Grab your disco whistle and get dancing!
5. Confide In Me - Nerina Pallot (B-side to "Sophia")
Nerina is one of those annoyingly over-hyped English singer/songwriters. That said, I found her anti-war anthem strangely catchy and I like the fact that she was dropped by her previous record label after rubbishing them on the internet. Classy! Nerina's cover of "Confide In Me" is pretty faithful to the original. It's pleasant but not in the same league as Kylie's spine-tingling classic.
6. Come Into My World - Vina Uyen My
Vina is a saucy Vietnamese diva, who apparently released a cover of "Come Into My World" at almost the same time as Kylie. This is a demo version that was originally posted on PopEatsPop. Vina's version is actually rather lovely. Most excitingly, Vina has released a breathtaking video clip - which basically involves Vina putting on litres of make-up and trying on jewels! I love the camp dance routine! Watch it here.
7. Who Do I Have To Screw (The Fanny Fartin' Legs A Partin' Original) - Deirdre Halliwell
Check out my review of Deirdre's amazing new album, "Twisted Bitch", for my thoughts on this number. Let's just say, Kylie fans will never be the same again after listening to this little ditty! I hope you don't mind me posting this, Deirdre!
8. The Locomotion - The Smurfs
No, I haven't forgotten about Little Eva. However, this is most definitely a cover of Kylie's version. I love the Smurfs (yes, I am a nerd at heart) and one of my favourite trashy records is their album of 80s covers! I actually think this is rather excellent. Leave me alone, I never pretended to have any taste!
9. Out Of My Head - Deirdre Halliwell
Yes, Deirdre is the only artist fabulous enough to offer up two tragic Kylie covers. This is another mind-boggling effort from Scotland's living treasure. You have been warned!
10. I Believe In You - Jacquii Cann
I've left the best until last, Jacquii Cann's so-unbelievably-bad-it's-brilliant cover of "I Believe In You". This song is an instant cure for depression, if Jacquii can land a recording contract with those croaky pipes, there's still hope for us all. A work of trashtastic genius that belongs in every Kylie fan's collection. Bless you, Jacquii. I'm gagging for your next "hit"!
Kylie - I still love you (et je sais pourquoi)!