CC Martini - All The Way

2008 has been pretty dire for Australian pop music. There has been the occasional catchy single but no local act has managed to release a consistently excellent album. That is until CC Martini's wicked debut hit stores last Saturday. I loved both of CC's singles but even the fabulousness of "Champagne Taste" and "Double Dutch" couldn't prepare me for this exhilarating rollercoaster ride. "All The Way" is a big, brash gulp of fresh air - exactly the shot in the arm the local scene needed. The album is a crazy blend of hip hop, rock and pop expertly held together by CC's amusing lyrics and fierce attitude. Think Princess Superstar or Betty Boo (if you're old and gay) crossed with Gwen Stefani and you get some idea of the sheer fun that's in store for you. I don't want to raise expectations to an unrealistic level because "All The Way" does have its flaws. The production is slightly repetitive and the whole affair is about as shallow as an empty swimming pool. CC does throw in the occasional personal song but the subject matter rarely strays from dancing, fucking and taking drugs - which doesn't bother me in the slightest. It just makes "All The Way" the perfect album to play while you're getting ready to hit the town on a Saturday night! Here's my track by track review of CC's stunning opus:

Juicy Fruit - Intro

An 8 second blurb about bubblegum. Not essential listening!

Double Dutch - 9.5/10

I've already written about my love for the album's second single but "Double Dutch" just gets better with each listen. Drawing inspiration from the likes of Toni Basil and Gwen Stefani, this gem sounds like the twisted sister of "Hollaback Girl" only with better lyrics and a crunchy guitar hook. In a perfect world this would have been a huge crossover hit for CC but radio ignored it and "Double Dutch" sank without a trace. Thankfully, the song is developing a strong cult following - mostly due to the classy video and CC's helpful hints about moisturising. An irresistible party anthem and the perfect album opener.

Dirty Thoughts - 10/10

This filthy ditty is the best song on the album and the obvious choice for the next single. CC has really outdone herself on this modern trash classic. "Dirty Thoughts" boasts a great chorus, a series of catchy hooks and the funniest lyrics in recent memory. In the year's least surprising revelation, CC begins the song by confessing that she has a dirty mind before going on to prove it with classy lines like "come on take off those shades so I can see your pretty face, now put them lips to my thighs so I can give you a taste" and my personal favourite "I've been to all girls boarding schools for six years or more, no matter what the nuns taught me I still act like a whore!" CC's partner in crime, Tiffany Kommedal, cameos on the chorus before "Dirty Thoughts" surprises again with an unexpected dance breakdown. This is a truly breathtaking hip hop/pop/dance concoction. If you're not sure about buying the whole album, download this from iTunes as a sneak peak. I guarantee you wont be disappointed. Fingers crossed this is eventually a single because I can only imagine how amazing the film clip would be. I'll even volunteer my services to guest star as one of CC's sleazy gay conquests!

Champagne Taste - 8.5/10

"Champagne Taste" was a very brave way of introducing the world to CC Martini. A white woman from Australia rapping about crashing parties and dealing pot? The whole thing should have been an embarrassing disaster but she somehow pulls it off. The witty lyrics are instantly quotable and CC's signature blend of musical genres is very much apparent. "Champagne Taste" still sounds fresh and CC's honesty remains hugely endearing but coming after "Double Dutch" and "Dirty Thoughts" on the tracklist does the song no favours. The production lacks the bite of those anthems and hearing exactly the same guitar riff on the album's first three songs is slightly jarring. However, in the grand scheme of things, that's a pretty minor qualm. After all, this is an anthem to live by. Who hasn't had "champagne taste on a minimum wage" at one point or another?

I See You - 8.5/10

Now this is an unexpected delight. CC puts her mad rapping skillz aside for a moment to sing a sweet tune about finding love on the dancefloor. "I See You" is one of the most traditional pop songs on the album and it provides a much needed respite from the electro craziness that comes before it. In the same way that "Big Girls Don't Cry" helped provide some musical balance to "The Dutchess", "I See You" reveals a completely different side to CC. For starters, I had no idea she could actually sing! Her voice really suits moody mid-tempo pop and I'd love for CC to explore this path in the future. A great change of pace.

Candy - 7/10

After an almost faultless beginning, "Candy" is the first track on "All The Way" that could possibly be described as filler - if you were an overly critical dickhead. "Candy" might be CC by the numbers but it's still a huge improvement on the vast majority of hits you'll hear on the radio. Another upbeat mash of hip hop and pop, this bouncy jam is great fun but suffers from completely nonsensical lyrics like "you know she knows the so with the so and so". I have no idea what the fuck CC is on about but it sure is catchy. A potential grower.

Rack It Up - 8/10

CC introduces "Rack It Up" with a completely unconvincing warning about drug use. Who does she think she's kidding? I bet CC sleeps with a crack pipe and a cheap Bic lighter under her pillow. Despite the initial lameness, "Rack It Up" turns out to be one the best drug anthems in recent memory despite its apparent anti-drug message. If the gays can develop a GBH drinking game around Dannii's "Coconut", the mind boggles what classy lyrics like "rack it up rack it up, stick it up your nose" will inspire! I really like the production on this despite the slightly overbearing guitar. I particularly love the second half of the song when CC stops rapping and starts to sing. An anthem best enjoyed with a credit card in one hand and a rolled $20 note in the other.

Recipe - 6/10

Despite a killer chorus and some wonderfully eccentric musical flourishes, "Recipe" never really seems to click. The lyrics are as amusing as ever (I love it when CC calls her friend in Costa Rica) but the song has no real direction and the production is all over the place. However my biggest gripe is the unwelcome emergence of CC's "rap voice". Despite her self-proclaimed title as the "Australian princess of hip hop", CC doesn't really rap in the traditional sense. She just kind of talks her way through songs in a completely normal Australian accent. I don't mean that as a criticism - it's part of what makes CC so unique and endearing. Hence my surprise when she unexpectedly starts to sound like Missy Elliot half way through "Recipe". Thankfully, it's only a momentary blip!

Everything - 10/10

I inferred earlier that "All The Way" isn't a particularly deep and meaningful album but it does have its fair share of personal moments. "Everything" charts CC's journey from a disillusioned bum aimlessly wading through her 20s to her re-birth as a budding pop superstar. You don't need to be on CC's path to identify with her lyrics. Anyone who hasn't achieved what they set out to but still keeps on trying will appreciate her message. "Everything" speaks to me on so many levels but it isn't one of those god awful empowerment anthems. CC's too real for that shit! In fact, if you don't obsess over lyrics, you'd probably think this was just another urban jam about bling. I love the production on "Everything". CC's vocal channels Gwen Stefani and the strings are a great touch. An unexpected triumph.

Brotha's Party - 7.5/10

A catchy, if unremarkable, jam about CC's adventures at her... erm, brotha's party! This is great fun but it doesn't introduce anything new into the mix, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. That familiar guitar riff re-appears but it works in the context of the song and CC's lyrics never disappointment. I particularly love the "I didn't mean to hurt nobody" refrain and the unexpectedly demure conclusion to the story! Tiffany Kommedal makes another welcome appearance. When is that fabulous bitch going to get her own record deal?

Little Black Book - 8/10

I've always thought that trust was highly overrated. By the second date, I've usually run a credit check and searched through every unlocked drawer! Needless to say, I completely approve of CC's anthem about checking up on your boyfriend. I'm surprised she stops at going through his phone, e-mails and palm pilot after finding all that damning evidence. I'd be hiring private investigators and calling in the CSI team for DNA analysis! "Little Black Book" boasts some of CC's best lyrics and a wicked beat. The moral of the story? Don't fuck with CC!

Sick Of It - 7/10

"Sick Of It" covers similar territory to Pink's "Leave Me Alone (I'm Lonely)" - a loud plea for breathing space in a relationship. This is CC on auto-pilot but the subject matter is universal and the lyrics are typically amusing. My favourite rhyme is this classy gem: "I get in moods for no apparent reason too bad, get my skirt around my ankles I'd forget I was mad!" CC Martini - poet and philosopher.

Be The One - 10/10

Just I when I thought CC had ran out of surprises, she finishes "All The Way" with an unexpectedly tender mid-tempo ballad. "Be The One" is an exquisite slice of guitar pop that picks up where the brilliant "I See You" left off. However, this time around the dark intensity has been replaced with a sweetness and vulnerability that I didn't think CC was capable of. In you need any further proof that CC Martini is one of the most promising local acts in many a year, this is it. "All The Way" really is a breathtaking debut. It seems only appropriate that the album ends the way it began - on a high note.

Cyndi Lauper - Same Ol' Story

I had forgotten how much I love Cyndi Lauper until I saw her perform at this year's Gay & Lesbian Mardi Gras. There she was at the ripe old age of 54 belting out "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" with the same passion and flamboyance that made her an icon all those years ago. The performance not only stoked the embers of my Cyndi obsession but also stirred up some fabulous memories. My sister was a huge fan in the 80s and I vividly remember sitting on her bed, watching her mime songs from "She's So Unusual" and "True Colours" into a hairbrush. Somewhere along the way, the silly bitch dedicated herself exclusively to INXS and I inherited her Cyndi collection. To this very day, I can recite most songs from those great albums word for word. I stayed loyal for the rest of my childhood ("Vibes" is one of my favourite films - ever!) but I sadly lost interest when Cyndi became more experimental in the mid-90s.

One of these days I'll catch up on the missing years as I'm sure I would have more appreciation for those albums now. However, that will have to wait until I get my hands on Cyndi's soon to be released dance album "Bring Ya To The Brink". The first single from the album, "Same Ol' Story" has just hit Australian iTunes and it's Cyndi's best song in well over a decade. A collaboration with DJ Richard Morel (perhaps best known for his work with Deep Dish), "Same Ol' Story" is an infectious slice of old school dance with more than a dash of disco thrown in for good measure. I just love everything about this, from the catchy, expletive filled chorus to amusingly downtrodden cover art. With any luck, Ms Lauper is on the brink of a well deserved career revival. Madonna, pay attention - this is how a lady of a certain age updates her sound without coming across as a desperate, old floozy!

Club Disco Winners!

The time has come to announce the winners of my "Club Disco" competition! Firstly, I'd like to thank Central Station Records for kindly sending me the CDs. I'd also like to acknowledge all the entrants for their witty, thoughtful and downright hilarious reasons as to why Dannii is the true Queen of pop! The quality was so high that I simply put all the names in a hat and picked 3 winners at random. Well, actually 4 winners, because I decided to throw in my own slightly banged up spare copy of "Club Disco"! Without any further ado, the lucky winners are:

Fitz

1- Her music. Everything from her voice to the amazing club beats just oozes with talent and fabulousness!

2- Her charisma. It can't be easy being the more talented sibling, yet getting less attention. But like La Toya Jackson, Dannii has persevered for the last twenty years!

3- Her looks. No man or woman... straight or gay could ever resist lusting over the Queen of Clubs!

Ro Ro

1 - She's an amazing vocalist. Her siren song captures every gay in a 50 mile radius and lures them in.

2 - She rules the dance charts with her resonating sex anthems. Touch her body? I shamefully would i must say.

3 - Her ability to pick hit material way ahead of it's time. Dannii's music is too powerful for most people to grasp until her next hits package is released.

Sarah

1 - Dannii's music has the power to unite people. Like the 50 plus Iowans who belong to "Fans of the Dan Dan".

2 - She has 13 #1 hits on the UK Club Charts.

3 - If it weren't for Dannii, we wouldn't have Droid speak.

kluB dizK0 numBaR w0n 4 sh0r3!!!1111

Christopher P

1. She's perfection, which is most visible in her brilliant lyrics - buoy, how can u b so damn purrr-fect, etc.

2. She has a homegurrl named Sheila whom she cruises with listening to brand new jammies in her Benz 180.

3. She did urban ghetto music 18 years before Madonna.

Congratulations! I hope you all enjoy "Club Disco" as much as I do. Please e-mail me your address and I'll have the CDs in the post as soon as I can. No offence to our glorious winners but I felt there was one entry that really summed up the essence of Dannii the best and really deserved to be rewarded! The following reader is about to be blessed with my copy of "Love Will Keep Us Together" by Captain & Tenille! I know you must be pinching yourself right now:

Undisco_me

1. Her name appropriately rhymes with her favourite breakfast-lunch-and-dinner, Fannii.

2. Often hides unreleased gems, rarities and remixes (not to mention the wig she ripped off Joan Collins' frail scalp) up her own love blender and blames Nathan instead, leaving him flushed and unable to find his Touche Eclat.

3. Dannii is the reigning Olympic sunbathing champion, a contest she holds every other day, competing against little African girls she stole whilst "saving their lives" with her song Hakuna Matata.

Take good care of this much loved treasure!

Keeley Hazell - Voyeur

Bow down to Keeley Hazell, the UK's new queen of pop! Seriously, where has this tragic bitch been all my life? Keeley, currently the 3rd sexiest woman alive according to FHM magazine, is an English "glamour model" best known for her massive knockers. However, that's all about to change with the release of her stunning debut single "Voyeur". From now on this shy maiden will be known for her huge tits - and her appalling voice! Not that "Voyeur" is a bad song by any means. In fact, I think it's a trash classic in the making. Keeley "sings" naughty lyrics in a robotic voice against a backing track that desperately apes Bloodshy & Avant. The result is something akin to Britney Spears, only with a sense of humour and some charisma. Then there's the saucy video, which basically involves Keeley rolling around in bed in various states of undress. Classy! Unfortunately, there's only a one minute preview of the film clip (check it out below) doing the rounds in order to prevent perverts whacking it on their Ipods. Make sure you help fund Keeley's fabulous music career by downloading the song from 7digital. Sadly, there are no plans for a physical release as yet but I'll keep on praying for a 12" picture disc!

Isabel Guzman - Kill The Boy EP

Isabel Guzman first came to my attention last year when Robpop championed "Love Song" on the inimitable Don't Stop The Pop. I'm usually pretty immune to Swedish pop music but one listen to that magnificent tune was all I needed to jump aboard Isabel's already crowded bandwagon! "Love Song" was one of the true gems of 2007 and it's follow-up, "Wrapped Up In Plastic", was an even more delectable pop treat. I've been eagerly awaiting new material from Ms Guzman ever since, so it's a bit of an understatement to say that I jumped at the chance to review her new EP. "Kill The Boy" is a cracking 5 track introduction to Isabel's hugely original take on pop music. Pop Justice is calling it the "EP of the year" but don't let that put you off. Unlike most of the music they hype, Isabel is actually quite good and "Kill The Boy" more than cements her place as the Swedish diva to watch in 2008. Here's my track by track review:

Mysterious - 8.5/10

It's clear from the very first song that Isabel's sound has evolved considerably over the past year. The exquisite mid-tempo electro-pop of her breakthrough material has given way to a sleek dance sound. "Mysterious" is an expertly judged club anthem with enough crossover pop appeal for mainstream radio. I love the way the first verse is built around "My Sharona" and Isabel's knack for quirky lyrics is still very much apparent. Rhyming "heroin" with "Mickey Finn" is a particularly classy touch! This is dance-pop of the highest calibre.

Kill The Boy - 10/10

The title track is favourite cut on the EP by quite a margin. I've been playing "Kill The Boy" on repeat for the past couple of weeks and I still can't get enough of it. The song mines the same melancholy vein of pop gold as "Love Song" and "Wrapped Up In Plastic", which I firmly believe is Isabel's niche. I can imagine Robyn or September singing something like "Mysterious" but I think the bittersweet subtlety of "Kill The Boy" is beyond either of them. The wonderfully literate lyrics are imbued with a remarkable softness by Isabel's sweet voice, while the mid-tempo electro beats are calibrated with military precision. The verse beginning "when the world is cold as ice" could be my favourite pop moment of 2008 thus far. Fingers crossed this gem appears on Isabel's forthcoming debut album.

And The Beat Goes - 5/10

I'm all for Isabel displaying her versatility but the forced craziness of "And The Beat Goes" sounds very derivative to my ears. The use of trumpet and trombone is a quirky touch but "And The Beat Goes" wouldn't sound out of place on Britney's latest album and I don't mean that as a compliment. In fact, many a diva has wandered down this well worn path before - a fairly tired call to the dancefloor. Counting over the beat in Spanish doesn't make it inventive either, just slightly more embarrassing that it already was. Entirely forgettable.

Love Song (Acoustic Version) - 7/10

The original version of "Love Song" is a modern pop classic but this acoustic version is a bit too lifeless for my liking. Isabel's voice is sublime but did she record this in the subway? The background noise is louder than the guitar! Pleasant but the original version would have been vastly preferable.

Mysterious (Attie-Tude Remix) - 8/10

A fabulous dance remix that would set any club on fire. I can only imagine what kind of magic a cutting edge DJ could work on quality material like this.

"Kill The Boy" is released in Sweden on the 14th of May. European readers can order it through CDON. Unfortunately they don't ship to Australia. Hopefully, it wont be long until Isabel is snapped up by a major label and gets an international distribution deal. If she keeps on churning out gems like this, it can only be a matter of time. For more details check out Isabel's Myspace and website.

Club Dildo Competition!

Our friends over at Central Station Records have kindly sent me three copies of Dannii's stunning "Club Dildo" to give away! In case you've been living under rock for the past couple of months, "Club Dildo" is Minogue Jr's latest compilation of "hits", trashy remixes and unreleased tat. Basically, it's the best CD released in the history of the music industry! To be in the running to win a copy of Dannii's exquisite opus, all you have to do is leave a comment listing 3 reasons why Dannii is the true queen of pop. Seriously, could this competition be any easier? I could list 33 reasons off the top of my head! Once the entries are in I'll pick three winners based on comedic value and accuracy - or if all else fails by putting the names into a hat. It doesn't matter where you live, international entries are welcome. So what are you waiting for?! The competition will remain open for a week. In the meantime, check out this video we made to promote "Club Dildo" over at Dannii's Dirty Box.

X2008 And Remix Heaven

Kylie's X2008 tour kicked off in Paris last night and if these pictures are anything to go by, this could be her most spectacular stage extravaganza yet! The costumes look magnificent, the setlist is positively breathtaking and from the accounts I've read thus far, the staging is nothing less than extraordinary. I'll be seeing the show on the 26th of July in London (I rather conveniently timed my holiday to coincide with Kylie's tour - yes, I am that tragic!) but I just couldn't resist taking a sneak peak. How fabulous does cheerleader Kylie look? What about Minogue Sr lounging on a giant metallic skull? Or the rather frightening but oh so fabulous Frankenkylie (below)? The prospect of seeing this camp spectacle with my own eyes is almost more than I can take! X2008 appears to be a two hour trip to Kylie heaven.

I'm just as excited about the setlist. Kylie is performing every song on "X" apart from "Stars" (boo!) as well as three new songs, a cover of Barry Manilow's "Copacabana" (!) and a selection of her greatest hits. I really couldn't hope for more. I'll just have to remember to go for a piss when she drags out "SenSHITized"! Here's the setlist from Paris:

Speakerphone
Can't Get You Out Of My Head (Greg Kurstin Remix)/Boombox
Ruffle My Feathers
In Your Eyes
Heart Beat Rock
Wow
Shocked
Like A Drug
Slow/Free
The One
2 Hearts
On A Night Like This
Kids
Step Back In Time
In My Arms
Love at First Sight
Sometime Samurai (Video Projection)
Come Into My World (Fischerspooner Mix)
Nu-di-ty
Sensitized
Flowers
I Believe in You (Ballad Version)
Cosmic
Loveboat
Copacabana
That's Why They Write Love Songs
Spinning Around
No More Rain
All I See (Acoustic Version)

If that isn't enough Kylie goodness for one day, a recently leaked remix of "Heart Beat Rock" is doing the rounds and it's absolutely brilliant. The Benny Blanco mix takes a decent album track and transforms it into something utterly fabulous. I love everything about it - even MC Spank Rock's craptastic rap! That might sound a bit out of character given my hatred of "All I See" featuring Mims but this time around the track has been entirely deconstructed to the point where the rap becomes an integral part of the song instead of an embarrassing afterthought. I also think MC Spank Rock is my kind of rapper. Not only does he amusingly mispronounce Kylie's name throughout the entire song (Cali!) but he also busts a rhyme about getting hard and I'm sure this is the first and only time you'll hear lyrics about 'tha hood' in a Kylie tune! The remix itself is blissful. I particularly love the sirens! Perez Hilton is streaming the remix and likens it to Fergie, which is surely the single greatest compliment Kylie has ever received. Check it out, this is my second favourite "X" remix after the sublime extended version of "All I See".

Deni's Duet

When she's not abusing cheerleaders or ruining celebrity weddings, the fabulous Deni Hines occasionally finds the time to record some new material. The latest dose of aural ecstasy from Australia's reigning R'n'B queen is a sensual duet with some Z grade soul sister from America called Angela Johnson who, like Deni, is apparently "big in Japan". The song is called "Good Love" and can be found as the Japan only bonus track on Angela's latest album "A Woman's Touch". I didn't really know what to expect from this unlikely coupling but "Good Love" is a sweet slice of soul music. In fact, the song would have slotted in nicely on Deni's mid-90s masterpiece "Imagination".

"Good Love" does sound dated but quality vocals never go out of style and the breezy production makes this first class chill out material. I find it slightly strange that Deni sings the entire lead vocal. Angela obviously realised that she couldn't compete and stepped aside for the greater talent - either that or Deni was up to her old tricks and locked Angela out of the studio when they were recording! Whatever the case may be, the finished product is rather lovely. I don't think it will be everyone's cup of tea but Deni's 10 devoted fans should enjoy it. If you're really keen, you can import Angela's album from HMV Japan. Learn more about Deni's stunning duet partner by visiting her Myspace.

Chloe Lattanzi - Pop Trash Queen 2008

I don't even have to wait until the end of the year to christen Chloe Lattanzi the new queen of pop trash. I've always liked Olivia's insane daughter but since the beginning of MTV's "Rock The Cradle", my admiration has reached an entirely new level. This amazing diva has really captured my heart with her charismatic performances and her general inability to keep a lid on the crazy. A couple of weeks ago I wrote about Chloe's first two performances, well since then she's gone on the destroy her mother's classic "I Honestly Love You" in the most fabulous way imaginable and also managed to turn Korn's "Freak On A Leash" into a demented goth ballad while rolling around on the floor like a disabled hooker! Poor Chloe has been panned by the judges every week and ridiculed across the internet (despite his loud protestations, I'm convinced D Listed's Michael K is a HUGE fan!) but she keeps on scraping through the rounds. Chloe has now reached the final 5 contestants and her fate depends on the viewers' reaction to her mind blowing cover of Britney's "Toxic".

Car crash television seriously doesn't get any better than this. The clip begins with a visit to the teepee that Chloe's father lives in. No wonder Chloe is ten kinds of crazy - her father lives in a tent playing the didgeridoo! The excruciating look on Olivia's face says it all, you just know she's wishing the ground would swallow her up. (I highly recommend you watch the full hilarious clip of Chloe's teepee visit here - It explains a lot!) Chloe is then told she has to sing "Toxic" by Britney's ex-manager and bursts into tears and keeps on crying all through rehearsals. My favourite bit is when she breaks down and sobs "dude, I'm not Britney Spears"! They might share the same level of mental stability but Chloe goes on to prove her point by blowing Britney out of the water with a truly magnificent rendition of "Toxic". I love eveything about this - Chloe's demented posing on the staircase, her bizarre interaction with the hot guy tied to the chair, the gravelly quality of her voice and most of all, her bad dancing!

I really hope this stunning talent makes it through another elimination. I think people are connecting with Chloe in a big way. Her rawness is just so appealing. From the teepee footage it's painfully clear that Chloe is simply not equipped for the real world, let alone the entertainment business. Paradoxically, that's exactly what makes her so endearing. What you see is what you get and I think I'm in love!

Hard Candy - The Pop Trash Review

"Hard Candy" is the musical equivalent of being fisted by a thick wristed dwarf - a potentially amusing experiment that turns out to be nothing more than a monumentally embarrassing pain in the arse. Somebody wake me when Madonna's mid-life crisis is over. 1.5/10

Kylie - In My Arms

With the hugely anticipated release of Dannii's "Club Disco" next week (for details check out Dannii's Dirty Box!), it's easy to forget that Kylie's latest Australian single hit shelves yesterday. "In My Arms" hasn't generated a lot of interest in Australia, which is a shame because it's a cracking pop tune. Calvin Harris has created something fresh and original, yet quintessentially Kylie. I love the spoken bits - "How do you describe a feeling?" is already iconic among fans - and the hands in the air chorus is still divine more than a year after the song's initial leak. I put the lukewarm response down to the complete absence of promotion and the delay in announcing concert dates. What the hell is going on, Warner Australia?

On a brighter note, the single tracklist and digital bundles are a lot of fun. There has been some whinging about the lack of B-sides but I find that a bit rich after the multitude we received with "Wow" and "2 Hearts". This time around, the focus is on remixes and, happily, they include some of the best Kylie has done in years. The tracklistings are as follows:

The Physical Single
1. In My Arms
2. In My Arms (Death Metal Disco Scene Remix)
3. In My Arms (Sebastien Leger Remix)
4. Can't Get You Out Of My Head (Greg Kurstin Remix)

iTunes Download Bundle 1
1. In My Arms
2. In My Arms (Death Metal Disco Scene Remix)
3. In My Arms (Sebastien Leger Remix)
4. Can't Get You Out Of My Head (Greg Kurstin Remix)

iTunes Download Bundle 2
1. In My Arms
2. In My Arms (Chris Lake Vocal Mix)
3. In My Arms (Sebastien leger Remix)
4. In My Arms (Steve Pitron & Max Sanna Mix)
5. In My Arms (Spitzer Remix)
6. In My Arms (Death Metal Disco Scene Remix)

I particularly recommend the fantastic Steve Pitron & Max Sanna Mix of "In My Arms" and Greg Kurstin's phenomenal electro reinvention of "Can't Get You Out Of My Head". You can download the bundles from iTunes or order a physical copy from Chaos. I'm sure you've all seen the amazing "In My Arms" video but check out the fabulous 'making of' documentary below. I love Kylie's cake slicing skills - for a minute there you get an amusing glimpse of the suburban Melbourne housewife Kylie most likely would have become if she didn't get lucky, lucky, lucky. Bless.

CC Martini - Double Dutch

Australia's first lady of hip-hop infused pop is back! Regular readers will remember CC Martini from last year, when her brilliant "Champagne Taste" caused quite a stir. The follow up has been 6 months in the making but "Double Dutch" is well worth the wait. Another eclectic mix of hip hop, pop and rock, "Double Dutch" sounds like the retarded bastard child of Gwen Stefani's "Hollaback Girl" and Toni Basil's "Mickey" - and I mean that as a massive compliment! CC's amusing rap verses bookend a catchy chanted chorus against a backdrop of roaring guitars and electro beats. The result is a demented burst of killer pop music with some truly memorable lyrics. After rapping about her stint as a pot dealer on "Champagne Taste", CC turns her attention to the schoolyard for this opus and dishes out some helpful hints - including this gem:

You got dry skin
Rub some lotion in
You know the secret, girls
It's your man's potion

If I'm not mistaken, Ms Martini is advising school girls to moisturise with cum! The video is another simple but effective adventure brimming with colour and bad dancing. Check it out below. "Double Dutch" is available to download from iTunes now. It's worth picking up the dance remixes while you're at it. CC's debut album, "All The Way", is scheduled for release on the 10th of May. Check her Myspace for more details.

I'm Migrating To Camp Mariah!

I've never been a huge Mariah Carey fan. Her first few albums were far too ballad heavy for my liking and her eventual move towards hip hop didn't really appeal to me either. That said, I have loved a lot of Mimi's singles over the years ("Fantasy", "Loverboy", "It's Like That", "Always Be My Baby" and "Emotions" all come rushing to mind) and I do enjoy her crazy diva antics. I've just had trouble stomaching a whole album - up until now. Mariah is the first big diva to deliver a consistently entertaining pop album in 2008. "E=MC²" is wildly uneven but it still manages to deliver a killer batch of soulful grooves, pretty ballads and mid-tempo jams. The album took me a couple of listens to get into but now I'm hooked. That's not to say "E=MC²" is perfect by any means. It's often repetitive, overly clinical, lacks any kind of emotional depth and stays a little too true to "The Emancipation Of Mimi" blueprint. However, as an enjoyable slice of expertly produced urban pop, "E=MC²" is hard to beat. Here is my track by track review:

Migrate Ft. T-Pain - 9/10

This insanely catchy party anthem makes me want to get crunk in the club and I don't even know what the hell that means! "Migrate" is a four minute demonstration of why Danja is currently the hottest producer in urban music. Unusual hooks (I love the quirky panpipes) blend with hypnotic beats and layered vocals to create an epic sound palette. Once you add Mariah's formidable voice and T-Pain's rap into the mix, you're left with a most irresistible concoction. That's not mentioning the fabulous lyrics that will no doubt have a lasting impact on pop culture. I've been wowing my friends all week by suggesting we migrate to McDonalds. Just don't make the mistake of declaring that you need to migrate to the toilet because that just drew blank looks...

Touch My Body - 8/10

I hated "Touch My Body" the first twenty or so times I heard it but the chorus eventually became lodged in my brain and I now consider it one of Mariah's better singles. The appeal of "Touch My Body" lies in its simplicity. The sexy lyrics and uncluttered, almost sparse production (courtesy of The Dream) make this breezy mid-tempo groove a memorable piece of pop fluff. Make sure you track down the awesome Seamus Haji remixes. Unfortunately, only one of them is available from Australian iTunes.

Cruise Control Ft. Damian Marley - 5.5/10

Mimi takes a brief reggae detour on "Cruise Control" with mixed results. I love the verse where she puts on a faux Jamaican accent only to sound like a crazy white woman who has just demolished a bucket bong but apart from that this effort is distinctly average. Damian Marley injects some life into the proceedings but even he can't revive Jermaine Dupri's sluggish production.


I Stay In Love - 7/10

Bryan Michael Cox has co-written some of Mariah's biggest hits over the past couple of years including the brilliant "Don't Forget About Us" and "Shake It Off". "I Stay In Love" isn't quite in the same league as those anthems but it does stand out as one of the few songs on "E=MC²" to showcase Mimi's fabulous voice to any great extent. Mariah has faced a lot of criticism for her vocal acrobatics in the past but I really think the pendulum has swung too far in the other direction. Restraint is a virtue but I'd like Mariah to drag out her dog whistle and really let loose every now and again. As it stands, "I Stay In Love" is a pleasant mid-tempo ballad. The song is actually quite sweet if you ignore the trashy lyrics about riding shotgun with the roof down!

Side Effects Ft. Young Jeezy - 7.5/10

"E=MC²" really does feature the who's who of urban pop producers. Scott Storch takes over the controls for "Side Effects" and delivers a hook laden anthem complete with electronic bleeps and beats. It's also one of the few songs to contain lyrics that venture outside the club or the bedroom. "Side Effects" is a none too subtle jab at ex-husband Tommy Mottola ("I was a girl you were The Man, I was too young to understand") and offers some interesting insights into their failed marriage. This isn't your usual urban pop by the numbers and it's all the better for it.

I'm That Chick - 9/10

This is probably what Madonna wanted "Hard Candy" to sound like before Timbaland turned her into an embarrassing Keri Hilson impersonator. "I'm That Chick" is an utterly infectious dancefloor anthem that can only be described as urban disco. Produced by Stargate, the Norwegian team behind Rihanna's "Don't Stop The Music", "I'm That Chick" is Mariah's most instantly appealing track since "Fantasy". With killer beats, lyrics that subtly reference smoking marijuana and a chorus more addictive than crack, this positively screams out to be a single! A hugely enjoyable dose of classic Mimi.

Love Story - 3.5/10

Jermaine Dupri needs to stop ruining albums with his coma inducing slow jams. If Mimi was smart she would have locked him out of the studio after hearing Janet's shiteous "Discipline" album. Instead she was left with this mammoth bore that stands out as one of the few truly rubbish tracks on the album. Skip this shit.


I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time - 9/10

Asian prostitutes finally have an anthem of their very own! Given the trashy title, I wasn't expecting much from "I'll Be Lovin' U Long Time" but it turns out to be one of the album's absolute highlights. A throwback to 70s soul music (someone please remind me which Debarge song it samples!) with a distinctly contemporary edge, this gem shows Mariah in a completely new light. Mimi really needs to explore this sound further in the future instead of simply treading water with mid-tempo grooves featuring rent-a-rappers. DJ Toomp deserves special credit for his fresh and inspired production.

Last Kiss - 5/10

"Last Kiss" immediately loses a point due to the unnecessary introduction by Janet's troll husband. The song itself is inoffensive enough but it could easily be slotted into any Mariah album since "Rainbow". If I want to listen to Mimi on auto-pilot, I'll just drag out my copy of "The Emancipation Of Mimi". "Last Kiss" is more filler than killer and really should be gathering dust on a recording studio shelf.

Thanx 4 Nothin' - 8/10

Yet another Jermaine Dupri production, "Thanx 4 Nothin'" stuns by not being completely shit. I hope Janet dildo whipped that troll after hearing this gem! "Thanx 4 Nothin'" follows Dupri's usual mid-tempo blueprint but it avoids his usual mediocrity with its universal lyrics and Mariah's heartfelt vocals. Everyone can identify with the subject matter and it's nice to hear Mimi finally let loose. The song is also jam packed with catchy vocal hooks and interesting production flourishes. "Thanx 4 Nothin'" isn't exactly groundbreaking but it is quality urban pop by the numbers.

O.O.C. - 7/10

After a duo of slow jams, Mariah raises the tempo with a typically bouncy Swizz Beatz production. "O.O.C." is an enjoyable mix of samples, unusual hooks and meaningless lyrics that never really goes anywhere. Not that it matters. The whole point of "O.O.C." is to make people move and it more than achieves that goal. Given the number of different producers who worked their magic on "E=MC²", it is a surprisingly cohesive album.


For The Record - 7/10

Mariah finally unleashes the dog whistle - better late than never! "For The Record" is another collaboration with Bryan Michael Cox and this is a more worthy successor to "Don't Forget About Us" than "I Stay In Love". In fairness, both songs are very similar but "For The Record" has an almost haunting quality that "I Stay In Love" is missing. I love the strings and Mimi's vocal delivery. I have a feeling this will grow on me more with each listen.

Bye Bye - 1/10

"Bye Bye" is one of the most cynical and shameless marketing exercises I can think of. An obvious attempt to corner the mourners previously exploited by "One Sweet Day", expect to hear this abomination blaring out of a funeral home near you. "Bye Bye" would be completely vomit inducing if it wasn't so fucking catchy thanks to the ingenious Stargate team. I hate the fact that this shit becomes stuck in your head after the second listen. Who really wants to be humming a disturbingly saccharine death anthem on the way to work? "Bye Bye" has already been selected as the second single in America but I hope Australia is spared this appalling exercise in false emotion.

I Wish You Well - 3/10

A boring piano ballad that feels completely out of place on "E=MC²". It's nice to hear a real instrument after 13 songs of bleeps and samples but this is completely underwhelming and sounds more like a demo than anything else.

Heat - 5.5/10

I gave this an extra point for the crazy way Will.i.am pronounces Mariah at the beginning of the song: "It's Maaa-Rye-Aaah"! I'm usually quite a fan of Will.i.am's productions but this song sounds like something Fergie rejected for "The Dutchess". No wonder it ended up as a bonus track.

Ricki-Lee's UK Makeover From Hell

Ricki-Lee's amazing "Can't Touch It" has been butchered, almost beyond recognition, for its UK release on the 9th of June. Not only has the song been given the dubious new title "U Wanna Little Of This", it's been remixed into an unremarkable dance bore. Don't get me wrong, this kind of shit usually has me salivating but "Can't Touch It" is such a perfect pop song that this kind of treatment feels completely sacrilegious. Everything I love about the original is gone. The fabulous rolling drum beats, the quirky pop production and the subtle R'n'B flavour have all been ditched in favour of thudding dance beats and a cut and paste chorus. I would probably be singing the praises of "U Wanna Little Of This" if it were a remix but as the version being promoted to UK radio, it just doesn't cut it. It's such a shame because the original version has huge hit potential. "Can't Touch It" is perfect pop. The song is fresh, original and utterly infectious. "U Wanna Little Of This", on the other hand, sounds like a Booty Luv B-side. That's not a bad thing as such but Ricki-Lee deserves better than this. Decide which version you prefer, the new and unimproved version above or the original version below.

Jackpot: The Best Bette

You're looking at the amazing cover of Bette Midler's soon to be released 'best of' album. Doesn't she just get more fabulous with each passing day? I worship the Divine Miss M, so I'll be adding this to my collection but I am slightly bewildered by the tracklist:

In The Mood
This Ole House
Beast Of Burden
Just My Imagination (Running Away With Me)
The Rose
When A Man Loves A Woman
I've Still Got My Health
Spring Can Really Hang You Up The Most
Hello In There
The Glory Of Love
Tenderly
Wind Beneath My Wings
Do You Want To Dance?
Baby Mine
From A Distance
Boogie Woogie Bugle Boy (Single Version)
Friends
Something Your Heart Has Been Telling Me (Previously Unreleased)
Cool Yule

Don't get me wrong, each song is an absolute gem (ok, maybe with the exception of "Cool Yule"!) - I just wish they included more hits and fewer album cuts from recent releases. The omission of classic anthems like "I Shall Be Released", "Shiver Me Timbers", "Hang On In There Baby", "In This Life", "My One True Friend", "Married Men", "I'm Beautiful", "My Mother's Eyes" and "To Deserve You" (to name just a few) is disappointing. On the bright side, it's nice that so many tracks from "Beaches" and "The Divine Miss M" were included. I'm particularly thrilled to see Bette's phenomenal cover of "Beast Of Burden", which is one of my all time favourite songs. Check out the amazing film clip below. It has to be one of the best video clips of the 80s - Bette's dance off with Mick Jagger has to be seen to be believed! There are no plans to release "Jackpot" in Australia as yet but you can pre-order the album from US Amazon. It's officially released in America on the 29th of April.

(How Does It Feel) In My Arse?

Well, I haven't had too many complaints but enough about my miserable sex life. The title of this post actually refers to Deirdre Halliwell's brilliant new anthem, which is dedicated to yours truly! This is one of the proudest moments of my life. I still can't believe an internationally renowned megastar like Deirdre wrote a song in my honour - and what an amazing song it is! I've been harassing the stunning Ms Halliwell to cover a Kylie track for her next smash hit EP (her last offering was certified plastic in at least 3 former Soviet states) for ages but I wasn't expecting anything as fabulous as this. "In My Arms" has been transformed into the ultimate gay sex anthem with classy lyrics like "the KY's open and it's up my bum, hurry up and get a condom"! The whole thing is sublime, from Deirdre's angelic but completely out of tune vocals right through to the hilarious clip. It's only a matter of time before Sony BMG comes knocking on this woman's door, mark my words! In the meantime, Deirdre is flogging her latest album on Ebay for the bargain price of 1 pound and has started an amazing new blog. A huge thanks to Deirdre for this amazing honour!

All I See - The Video

Forget Citizen Kane, Kylie's zero budget "All I See" film clip sets a new benchmark for cinematic excellence! Before I get too carried away, I should put the video in context. It's cheap. Let's get that out of the way first. I'm convinced Dannii threw this fabulous crap together on her laptop after finishing off her last Great Wall diary entry! It's also not an official clip but a "promo video". Splitting hairs, I know, but there is a small difference (basically, the video was concocted to promote "All I See" online). Lastly, it wasn't paid for by Kylie's record company - the copyright belongs to Darenote, the holding company managed by Kylie's dad. In other words, this is Kylie's lowest budget offering since the amazing "Your Disco Needs You" and in my opinion, is all the better for it. "All I See" is a trash lover's wet dream!

I really don't know where to start because I adore every second of this tat. I guess the costumes are as good a place as any. I love the fact that Kylie couldn't be fucked buying something new but simply dusts off her Dancing With The Stars outfits. That Village People inspired leather queen look is just too fabulous. Freddie Mercury is looking down from heaven and he has a boner! The sparkling mini-dress is gorgeous and I laughed out loud when the camera pans down to Kylie's hooker stilettos as she sings "had to make sure I'm lookin' hot". Then there's the very welcome presence of Kylie's insanely hot dancer Marco Da Silva, who mercifully spends the entire clip shirtless. Marco must have a pretty good sense of humour because I haven't seen dance moves like that since the glory days of C&C Music Factory!

The black and white photography is lovely and I approve of the multiple Kylies (obviously a homage to the previously mentioned "Your Disco Needs You" video clip) but the undisputed highlight for me is the star sequence. I've watched it about 30 times and I still can't stop laughing. Poor Kylie looks like she's hiding behind a curtain in an evil drag queen's lair! This is my favourite moment in a Kylie video since her slow motion slide down a fireman's pole in "Please Stay". "All I See" is still scheduled as an American only single but I'd love for it to be released worldwide, if only to spite Kylie's increasingly humourless fanbase. Enjoy!

Chloe Lattanzi Rocks The Cradle

I'm a huge fan of Olivia Newton-John's slightly demented daughter. I can't get enough of Chloe Lattanzi's crazy antics in the tabloids and I ache for the bizarre video blogs that occasionally pop up on her Myspace. Most of all, I love her music. Chloe's catchy anorexia anthem "Delicious" came in at number 11 on my best of 2007 countdown and it probably should have placed even higher, given that it's still burning up my Ipod all these months later. Chloe has been threatening to release her debut album for almost 5 years but the wait could finally be over thanks to an American talent show.


MTV's Rock The Cradle is kind of like American Idol for celebrity offspring. Basically, Chloe is battling the likes of MC Hammer's daughter and Bobby Brown's son for a recording contract. I wish the show was broadcast in Australia - this trash has my name written all over it! Unfortunately, Chloe's first performance was panned by all the judges except the lovely Belinda Carlisle and she placed second last in the phone poll. I was interested to see the clip for myself and I'm completely mystified by the negative reaction. Chloe's interpretation of the INXS classic "Never Tear Us Apart" is spectacular. I love her scary man voice, crazy eyes and theatrical phrasing. Sure, she's a little rough around the edges but there's no denying that Chloe has something very unique about her. Check out her stunning performance for yourself:

Never Tear Us Apart

After narrowly avoiding elimination, Chloe switched into rock chick mode for the "parent's choice" show in round two. I think Olivia must be really sick of sitting in the audience because she selected a complete stinker in an obvious attempt to get Chloe booted. The judges were relatively impressed but I agree with Belinda's comment that it was a poor song choice. The performance itself, however, is fucking fabulous and typically demented. I thought Chloe was going to burst an implant when she started writhing on the floor like Linda Blair in The Exorcist! I really hope she makes it through to the next round - I'm dying to see what this crazy broad comes up with next. Watch Chloe throw it down:

I Hate Everything About You

I'm not sure of the show's format but I hope the contestants are eventually allowed to perform original material. Chloe is yet to post a song on a her myspace that hasn't completely blown me away. I love her dark electro sound and the depressing yet strangely catchy lyrics. I didn't think Chloe would ever surpass the brilliance of "Delicious" but her latest offering does just that. "Make It Stop" is one of the best songs I've heard all year. The crashing synths and driving beats provide an epic backdrop for Chloe's pleading voice and bittersweet lyrics. Think of this exquisite anthem as the bleak and bitter sister of Robyn's "Be Mine". Chloe had better win Rock The Cradle so I can finally get my hands on her fucking album!

A low quality unmixed demo of "Make It Stop" was made available on Chloe's Myspace and I don't think anyone from her camp would mind me posting it. The sound is a bit rough but it gives you a good idea of the track's unlimited potential.

Download - Make It Stop

Tina Arena Goes Disco!

It's been a busy couple of weeks for Tina Arena. First came the surprise announcement that she will host the UK auditions of Australian Idol with Darren Hayes (I can't wait to see Tina back on Australian TV but can someone please explain why we need UK auditions?) and the news that her magnificent "Songs Of Love & Loss" album is being re-released on the 21st of April complete with a bonus disc of live performances. However, the most exciting Tina development as far as I'm concerned is her brilliant cover of the Bee Gees' "Night Fever" for a French film soundtrack.

"Night Fever" is perfect fodder for this woman's formidable pipes and she delivers a stunning interpretation. I love Tina's recent output but it's fantastic to see her in a less serious mood. Watching Tina perform the song on a French TV show (below) gave me flashbacks to the glory days of Young Talent Time! The camp sequined costumes, the obvious miming (Edit: I'm told this was actually performed live. All I can say is - WOW!!), the hilarious dance routine - the only thing missing is Johnny Young! As far as I'm aware there are no plans to release "Night Fever" as a French single but that shouldn't stop her Australian label snapping this disco delight up as fast as they can. Tina hasn't produced anything this fabulously entertaining since the trashy "Symphony Of Life" remixes and it should be made available to legally download by her legion of loyal fans!

Dannii's Dirty Box - Now Open!

Just a quick post to let you all know that I've re-opened Dannii's Dirty Box due to overwhelming public demand. No, really! I've even commissioned a stunning video clip commemorating Dannii's participation in Olivia Newton-John's charity walk along the Great Wall of China (above). The featured song is "Round The World" from Dannii's soon to be released "Club Dildo" compilation. Enjoy!

Kylie's #139 Smash Hit

Kylie's US Career - In The Toilet

In the week's least surprising news, Kylie's "X" debuts at #139 in America with 5,588 copies sold dragging the total to a miserable 11,732. That's what you get when you release an album 4 months after the rest of the world, push a lead single with no video clip and devote a massive 48 hours to promotion! The questions remains - why did they bother at all? The whole debacle was so half-hearted, it would have made a lot more sense for Kylie to spend the week promoting in Australia or better yet, putting her feet up before the tour. The US is clearly not interested, that ship sailed with "Fever". If she had performed on the Australian Dancing With The Stars instead, I have no doubt "X" would be sitting in the top 40 come Sunday. I hope this massive flop is the final nail in the coffin that is Kylie's US career. Please Min, stick to the markets that appreciate you and hurry up and release "The One"!!

A Club Dildo Exclusive!

I wrote a pretty scathing post about the Australian release of Dannii's "Club Disco" album last week, complaining about everything from the bonus disc to the glaring omission of the exquisite "Do You Believe Me Now". Well, it seems I opened my big mouth without knowing all the facts! Carl, the A&R Manager of Dannii's Australian label, was kind enough to contact me about my rant and explained the reasons behind the choices that were made. The visions I had of lazy record execs cynically cashing in on Dannii's devoted fanbase couldn't be further from the truth. Here's what Carl had to say:

In regards to the Roger Sanchez collaboration, we were only given rights by our overseas partner for the digital release of this track, so it’s very unfortunate but we could not include it on the physical release. A shame as it’s my favourite too but it will be an exclusive addition to the iTunes release.

Initially we were only given the rights to release a single CD (the same as the UK release minus "Do You Believe Me Now") but as I felt this was very similar to her previous "Hits & Beyond" I wanted to add ‘something’ more to make it worthwhile. After some persuading, the remix disc was born although we were limited to what we could include on the disc. The final result is a collection of Dannii and her team’s favourite remixes so I hope you like them. In addition, both the UK and Australian release of "Touch Me Like That" had an error on the listed ‘Space Cowboy Remix’ so this is the first time it’s been made physically available in this country. We’ve also included the original of "Touch Me Like That" which was not on the UK release

In a perfect world I would have loved to include all the rare, unreleased tracks that Dannii has recorded over the years but we just didn’t have access to all of them. There were certain restrictions that we couldn’t get around within the timeframe we had to work with. Although due to the overwhelming response, it’s something we will consider putting together down the line.

After clearing all that up, I took the opportunity to shamelessly dig for further details!

When is "Club Disco" being released?
The 3rd of May.

Will the Australian version have the same cover as the UK release?
It will have a similar cover to the UK release (with a bit of added ‘sparkle’) and the booklet will contain lyrics as well as some hot pics from her recent photo shoots.

Will there be a single - be it digital or radio? "I Will Come To You" or "Xanadu" would be amazing choices!
There will not be a new single, digital or physical at this stage although if the overseas label or a punter (hint, hint) sends us a good remix of one of the tracks, we’d definitely consider a single release down the line.

Will Dannii bother to promote "Club Disco" now that she's back in Australia for Australia's Got Talent?
Dannii will be performing on a couple of TV shows whilst she is here as well as some radio sp